I have a friend with a long history of drug use. He was a heroin addict for 10+ years (starting when he was around 13), and has also done speed, coke, and numerous other “hard” drugs. He’s had one of those lives that you hear about as a cautionary tale in school: lost all his friends, was homeless, stole from everyone he knew to get a fix, lost most of his teeth, etc. A few years ago, he got his act together, cleaned up, and became a functioning member of society. He loves animals and has been involved in a local charity, which is how we met.
Lately, though, i’ve noticed some odd things about him. He’s been very depressed and has seemed… lost. Last night, a bunch of us were out to dinner, and he spent the whole time on the verge of falling asleep. I think he actually did fall asleep once or twice. This was at a table with ten people at a loud restaurant. He said he’d been up late and didn’t sleep well the night before. I’ve had insomnia all my life, it didn’t look like “i didn’t sleep well last night,” but more like, “i haven’t slept in three days.” This evening, as i was walking to my girlfriend’s house, i saw him sitting on the bus. He was staring straight ahead and could easily have been a corpse.
I’m worried. I don’t want my friend to fall back into his old wicked ways, but i don’t want to jump in and say something unless i know for sure. I know none of what i’ve seen explicitly mean he’s on drugs, but given his history there’s plenty of reason for concern.
I was going to say exactly what Zelie said. What are you afraid of will happen if you ask? If he can’t face that people can see him as a nice guy AND as a potential junkie, he’s being unrealistic. If he gets huffy about it, “Mind your own business, I know what I’m doing, you insult me” then I’d be more concerned for him then if he said he was having some sort of problem. Even if it was only a problem that kept him awake too long, like arguing neighbours.
He might actually be relieved if you ask him. Just tell him you are concerned because he doesn’t seem like his ol’ self and ask him if there’s anything you can do. Good luck.
I’d definitely ask him what’s been up with him lately. No harm in asking that and it could definitely provide clues if not straight answers to his recent behaviour. It’s the caring thing to do I believe, and if he is using again, or if his responses lead you to strongly suspect that he is, then stronger steps may need to be taken – but better they be taken now while it’s still early then when it’s consumed his life again. Drug users can go through hell to kick the addiction, but even when they’ve been clean for an extended period of time, any significant stress factor – depression, anger, whatever – can send them back to the drugs, knowing as they do how it helps them forget and ignoring the pain of getting clean.
I’ll second this. Just tell him straight out that you’re concerned he might be using again. I’ve been sober for about 16 years, and a few times since then I’ve been asked by friends if I was still sober. I took their question as an expression of compassion and wasn’t the least bit defensive. When I was using, on the other hand, my reaction was more of a “How dare you question me, I thought you were my friend” moral high horse.
Kind of hard to explain, but other addicts/alcoholics know what I mean.
Not for nothing, but Methadone is a drug used for getting folks off heroin. My husband was an addict of Methadone for over a year, the biggest physical effect? He fell asleep at the drop of a hat. I found out one of my former co-workers was on methadone maintenance, he routinely fell asleep when he wasn’t being directly stimulated.
Hate to be the cynic in the room, but former junkies (especially heroin addicts) relapse often. Heroin is one of the biggies as far as difficulty to quit, even after years of abstaining.
I can’t give any other advice that is different that what has already been said, but I will tell a story.
A few years ago my brother got a job working for a well to do businessman who was recently named as one of the top 40 under 40 in the city that they lived in, but he was a former addict. He had spent a portion of his young life homeless, stealing for his next fix. He reached rock bottom and decided to turn his life around. When my brother worked for him he was giving inspirational speeches to people of all ages. He wrote books on his battle past the addiction in addition to his consulting firm. He was a good guy, he had a great life.
Then he had to go to the hospital for surgery. The painkillers that were used plunged him back into his addictive habits. He lost his wife, his kids, his home, his business, everything.
The smallest thing can turn a person back to addiction.
If he is, chances are he’s going to lie to you. If he’s any kind of a junkie at all, he’ll be convincing enough to get you off his back for the moment. It’s really disconcerting to have someone lie to you and look in his eyes and see that he’s telling the absolute God’s-honest truth. If he was that bad before, though, it won’t take long for him to get there again, if he’s using.
It’s better to ask, so that he knows that you at least care, and he can talk to you if he needs to. He also may have been self-medicating for depression when he was hooked, so he might just be depressed.
As EJsGirl mentioned the relapse rate for heroin users is extremely high, and nodding out is a classic opiate use indicator
Good luck and the very best wishes to your friend. I’m generally in favor of reducing drug-related penalties, but heroin is one thing the world would do well to be shut of.
