1 To Ruby:
Santa can only bring best wishes, prayers and gratitude to Mr. Ruby and his brave comrades.
2 To Odinoneeye:
Santa has a few copies of the Anarchist Cookbook in stock. Would you like it delivered to your home, or to the youth hostel you’re staying at in Miami during the free trade protests?
3 To DreadCthulhu
If Santa understands you correctly, are you saying the stars are left? Do you want a deck of these playing cards in your stocking this year that will reinforce the notion?
4 To Jennyrosity
Santa would like to grant your wish 1st wish, but is worried that with all the self-loathing and guilt we see, if people started caring as much for others as they do themselves, things might get worse.
As far as not separating people by race, nationality or religion; Santa non-partisan, so can’t do much short side with GWB and call for the abolition of the UN.
Amen to respecting our natural resources, Sista. You may not know this, but Santa was a member of Earth Liberation Front while you were in diapers. He vows to fight the ANWAR pipeline with all his clout. He doesn’t need oil anyway, the workshop is heated with wood burning stoves.
You’re in luck with the shoes though. There seems to be a huge surplus of platform sandals at the North Pole warehouse since people started bitchin about em in this thread.
5 To PalJuicy:
If you’re really, really nice, maybe - just maybe - you might find the next best thing under the tree this year: One of these flying cars. Santa’s been using one since the international brotherhood of flying reindeer - local 467 - wildcat strike of 1984.
6 To Cheese Monster:
Sorry Cheese. If Santa was to give you sole power in the job you seek, think of the millions of pink-slipped federal employees without the income required to buy holiday presents.
7 To grump:
Ho, Ho, Ho. If there’s one thing Santa knows:
Life does imitate beer commercials.
Get yerass to the next local Dopefest you see mentioned in MPSIMS and just try and prove him wrong.
8 To monstro:
If there truly was a way to zap people away (ala Logan’s Run), you’d have 2 wishes granted with one stone. Both the theists & the atheists would know the answer to the “existence of a Supernatural Force” question in less time than it takes to make a bag of popcorn in the microwave. As far as giving your cats the intelligence & generosity needed to help you with you chores; Santa granted that wish last year to Sigfried & Roy. Needless to say, the results weren’t pretty.
9 To Ranchoth
Santa seems to think wiping out all the assholes would be a real shitty thing to do.
10 To Kizarvexius:
You want world with tolerance, personal responsibility & freedom? That’s all? He’ll check around the galaxy and get back to you in a couple million light years.
11 To Dragwyr:
Santa concurs with Mark Twain; “God made idiots for practice, then He made school boards.” Now, if was going to stop people from being idiots, what do you suppose would happen to Kizarvexius’ 5th wish?
12 To MrTuffPaws:
Sorry, but Santa doesn’t have enough magical power to turn people into anime characters. Lord knows if he did, he would changed Mrs. Claus into Aeon Flux years ago-ho-ho. Lucky for you though, Santa contacted the elves at the Japanese production plant & he’s gonna do his best to have one of these action figures to you in time for the holidays.
13 To Chefguy:
Santa’s a little partial to the color red, and likes ketchup on his french fries, eggs, burgers and french toast. A total ban is out of the question, but he’s going to do his best to outlaw its use on all wursts: whether they be bratwurst, knockwurst, weisswurst, what have you. A small aside: He’s also gonna make a big push toward banning the use of suessem Senf on all german sausage. But the line is drawn there…you can have his weissbeir when you pry it from his hand of is cold, dead, mitten-clad fingers.
