Imponderables

Wouldn’t it be easier if the change were “Men! (Applause),” instead?

So for the past few days I had this annoying song in my head.

Annoying because it was some trite pop ditty.

Annoying because I don’t like trite pop ditties.

Annoying because it was some eurotrash trite pop ditty.

Annoying because I had no idea what the song was, nor what it’s lyrics were. All I had in my head was about eight to ten seconds of vague word shapes endlessly repeating because I didn’t know where the song went from there – just that small, anonymous snippet of a tune.

Annoying.

Not climb-up-the-bell-tower annoying, but annoying nonetheless.

But it went away, as those things are wont to do.

Then in one of those daydreamy states where my mind takes a constitutional from thought to thought, I realized that I couldn’t remember the tune.

And was actually sitting there trying to remember it.

How bizarre is that?

No more bizarre than using “wont” in a sentence.

Who wouldn’t want to use wont?
Mmmmmm wonton.

If everyone was a millionaire, how much would a cheeseburger cost?

Why is the Mid East so far from the Mid West?

You mean, like, Jersey?

Reminds me of a similar question I once saw: “What did people who scrapped ideas go back to before the drawing board was invented?”

If “a penny for your thoughts” was coined 200 years ago or more, what is the value of my thoughts today, adjusted for inflation?

In areas hit by hurricanes, couldn’t we make a counter wards spinning hurricane to put everything back in its original place?

Does single sclerosis feel overshadowed?

Do the people who use Magellan brand GPS units realize that ol’ Ferdinand never completed his journey?

Are a paramedics a paradox?

The Straight Dope has no competition. :cool:

Not as long as we continue “cooking with gas”. :slight_smile:

Are a pair of pliers just two Pillipino aviators?

You can always turn over a new leaf.
But only if you want to stick around.
Or branch out into new territory.

(Ok, I’ll log off now…)

They are going to have to compete with my new GPS startup company, Colombus Navigation, Inc. The GPS units we build will take you somewhere that sounds similar to where you want to go but the distance estimators will be off by half and and all destinations will be mislabeled. It will lead you back to cool places that you found as long as you don’t compare notes with other people because that is just a buzz-kill for the adventure and mystery. Contact your local royalty about getting a grant for a demo.

“I disagree with Kay Jewelers; I bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Budweiser than with Kay”

Sent in an amusing email by a friend.

Shouldn’t all sea shanties be written in the key of sea?

Coffee doesn’t make you cough but really, with a name like that, it should.

If you drive a bus in reverse, does it turn into a sub? That would be cool, so long as you were near some water.

When a submarine captain shouts, ‘Up periscope!’ I honestly think the ‘Up’ part is a bit superfluous. Everyone knows which way the surface is.

Does a procrastinating mathematician use a calcu-later?

If a piece of wood is reluctant to be used for anything, it becomes woodn’t.

I once wanted to reliably send food to someone I used to date. I used FedEx.

You know, maybe the hour hand is really counting the minutes, and the minute hand is really counting the hours, and we’ve just all been wrong about it all this time.

When they were building the very first ever photocopier, I bet it was really frustrating whenever they just quickly needed a new set of the plans.

An octopus can produce ink, and a porcupine can produce quills. But of course, they are never found together in the same place. I guess that’s how come they never write anything.

If you take any Dan Brown novel and only read every 93rd letter in every alternate paragraph, you get a hidden message that makes perfect sense. Well, as much sense as the original, plus you get to the end quicker.

Some people think Madonna is a bit crazy. Well, duh, look at the first three letters!

I still don’t understand that weird message on the dollar bill: In God Wet Rust.

If you’re only studying places in the world where you can run a bit faster than walking, it’s called jography.

Okay, Bugs Bunny. I get the ‘bunny’ part. But ‘bugs’? Is he covered in insects or something?

If you make decorative oriental figurines all day, and you get a bit fed up with it, are you jaded?

For 17 years in hospital my friend paused between two clauses. He was in a comma.

Before they revealed their invention to everyone, I hope the Wright Brothers took the opportunity to win a few big bets off people they didn’t like. ‘Hey, I bet you anything you like I can go into that field and fly through the air!’. Because I would have.

I’ve got this friend who is bordering on never having had sex. He’s a vergin.

They say ‘there’s no business like showbusiness’. But if you think about it, you could say the same about trans-national commodities trading. But no-one ever sings that song.