Every night, between 2 and 6 AM, there are about four times that I resist the urge to strangle my kids.
Chaim Mattis Keller
ckeller@schicktech.com
“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
Whenever I ride on a ski lift, I never put the safety bar down ( if do-able) and when we are at the highest point we can be, I always get the urge to jump. This statement usually allows me to ride up alone the next time, which is always a bonus.
Also, whenever I drive my car next to the highway barrier wall ( seperating the direction of traffic) I have this strong urge to drive the side of my car into it for as long as I can, going as fast as I can. I want to see if I will create a rooster tail of sparks behind me. This, I am sure, is due to watching too many Hollywood car chase movies.
I resist the urge to tell ignoramuses to frick off at least twice a day.
And finally, whenever I see really skinny young women wearing half shirts and hip huggers,bearing their indecently flab-free stomachs, I really want to kneel on their chests and feed them pizza, chocolate and whole milk until they start looking like the rest of us. (“Come, be one of us, in the double digits for IQ and dress size.”)
Fortunately, I am good a resisting these urges ( at least my car is happy)
Hey, Byzantine, I get the urge to scream too. In my case, it always comes about halfway through a calculus test when everyone is working and the room is real quiet. I want to jump up and SCREAM really loud, just to scare everyone.
It was worse when I took my ACT exam. A hundred people in a room together, sweating over word problems. . . luckily, I managed to resist.
– Sylence
“The problem with reality is the lack of background music.” – Anon
As a paralegal I deal with all kinds of law books in libraries. I have to resist the impulse to tear flaws out of the pages! The books are quite expensive, but it’s so hard to resist tearing or popping a tiny splinter or miniature pocket of carbon, that somehow survived the pulping process, out of the page.
I’ve had this compulsion for years but must resist it when handling someone else’s books.
Dougie – I’d go ahead – after all, you said you’ve never driven over 80, smoked, drank, ETC. – why not allow yourself this one little pleasure?
I know, it might leave a little teeny hole in the book, but think of the possibilities? Hmmmmm, did this judge say “reversible” or “irreversible”? I can’t tell – there’s a hole in the page!!!
Cristi: you too have resisted the tattoo impulse? Well i’m glad i have resisted the impulse to get my second one. The first design really wasn’t reflective of me. When i found the second i knew this was it (i’m sticking to it…no turning back now). So far i have resisted the impulse to get the final design because, well, i have too much school right now :).
I am not very good at keeping myself out of trouble. girlfriend was rather mad when I continued to talk to people on line…I said I would not…I lied…rest is history. AAhh what a sordid tale of deception…
Unforgiven
Thought of one I have resisted. Every time I’m on a high bridge or overlook or something, I always think, “I wonder what would happen if I jumped”. Of course I know…a messy splattered death. Ah, but that few seconds of freedom (or would that be fear???)
A matter more serious than a splinter in a book page:
In my senior year in high school I was attracted to a senior girl–I’ll call her Evelyn. I was either too shy or forgetful–or timorous–to say what I felt to her, but for the entire first semester I was practically walking on air.
Came the second semester, however, I crashed to earth. 
Shortly after the semester began I overheard Evelyn talking to another girl about the boy she was dating, who was in junior college at the time. I was devastated. I overheard the bad (for me) news in journalism class, 4th period. Evelyn was also in the same first period class as I was, Senior Government. In the journalism class I once snubbed her when she sat down to use the typewriter next to the one I was using–and I promptly picked mine up and, without a word to Evelyn, stomped across the typing room to use it at another table.
But the impulse I resisted was more serious. The weather was still cold at this time, and she came to class one day wearing a heavy corduroy overcoat. I was standing near the door when she came in, but of course I ignored her. Then I started back to my desk–at the other end of the room but at the opposite corner from hers. Anyway, I was halfway across the room at the time she got to her desk and took the overcoat off–and she had not buttoned her blouse! :o (She was wearing underwear beneath it, of course.) I saw what she hadn’t done and stopped short–and turned away so as not to stare. Evelyn must have sensed why I reacted that way; a moment later, facing away from her, I got to my desk, and happened to glance back–just as she finished buttoning herself up. (A few students had come into the room by then; the teacher, who had unlocked the room and left for a few minutes, hadn’t yet come back.)
No matter how angry I felt about Evelyn, goodness knows I had a limit–I like to think I did the proper (and discreet) thing here.
Even so often I get weird urges like
-driving home topless flashing everyone
-masturbating while a semi is beside me and can see in my sunroof
-Following my SO in to the can at a restaurant/club/whatever, pushing him in to a stall and gving him head.
I have other, not-so-exhibitionist ones, but I won’t share them here.
Combine those with the other urges like throwing myself off a building/bridge, or driving in to the oncoming lane and I think we’d all have to agree I have issues.
Thanks for letting me share.
A more trivial matter: When I was a kid, and I watched a concrete mixer truck, with its drum rotating, I got into this habit: When the drum rotated so I could see the plate bolted onto the side (I don’t know what this plate is called), I would say “Joe Palooka.” I continued doing this until I reached the age of 20, when I finally broke the habit. In public places people would probably think I’m a lunatic if I did it today.
I resisted the urge to yell, “Go, baby go!” while the kid was swimming his races. I know’s he’s grateful! 
I also resisted to urge to push a rude parent into the pool for complaining about officiating. The officials are volunteers and invest a significant amount of time in a class, testing and watching other peoples kids swim. Often kneeling down to explain to a child the proper way to do a stroke, so they will understand why they were disqualified and know how to do it better next time.
Abby
dougie_monty, you seem to post to this thread once every 11 months. Is this just some sort of impulse that you can’t resist?
No, just coincidence. 
When I was tending bar, everytime I poured a nice tall frosty mug of beer for someone, I would always get the urge to walk in front of the customer and drain the mug in front of them. I always resisted that urge, though it got stronger in the summer months. Hell, even just thinking about it now, I want a nice cold beer…
The urge, when I’m in a relationship, to act as if I’m going to kiss them, and then at the last second cover their nose with my mouth and blow really hard.
To me it’s the absolute pinnacle of human comedy, and it makes me fall on the floor and laugh like a loon when I get away with it, but usually the result is that I get banned from kissing for a day or longer (longer is usually when after 24 hours of probation, I immediately try and do it again on the first probationary kiss).
BurnMeUp, cheers.
-fh
Everyday I resist the urge to strangle this bitch I work with.
I don’t think I can hold back forever though.
I resist following people around so I can read what their T-shirts and buttons say.
I resist the impulse to post a response to this thr…
Damn!
I resist the urge to turn off the road and over a huge drop-off almost daily.
I resist the urge to turn off the road and take a shortcut through the cornfield every time I drive home.
I resist the urge to give other drivers a nudge with my bumper (what is known in racing as a “warning tap” or a “love tap”) when they fail to signal properly or are basically driving like assholes at least five times per hour of driving.
I resisted the urge to pick up my metal folding chair and wing the principal right upside the back of his head, so that his aviator-style glasses would fly off his face and into the orchestra pit near the stage, shattering into sharp bits of glass, and then hit him again whilst kicking him squarely in the buttocks so that he would tip over the edge of the stage and land on top of his glasses in the orchestra pit, where shards of glass would stab him in the face and the earpiece would impale his abdomen, yesterday during graduation ceremony rehearsal. That was the toughest of all of them.