I was talking to some friends (one who is a serial dater & rushes into relationships only to have them crash and burn a few weeks later) and we were discussing the point at which you tell someone that you love them. Obviously, everyone has their own thoughts on the matter, but given that my sample group all skewed towards certain demographics, I thought I’d open it up to you all and see what you thought.
For those of you who’ve been in love, how long were you dating / seeing someone before you uttered those three little words?
Is there a time period that is “too soon?” (Obviously, the first date is a bad idea)
Is there a point where, if you haven’t said it or had it said to you, you feel like you’re just wasting time? Do / Did you usually say it first or wait until you knew the other person would reciprocate or until you knew that it may not scare the other person away?
Also, if you don’t mind, please include your approximate age / gender / sexual preference, because I’d be curious to see if certain demographics share a viewpoint.
I had just ended a 3-year relationship with the love of my life (she and I eventually got together again and are now happily married). That night, I was at a party with some friends, numbing my pain, when I met a really cute girl who genuinely seemed interested in me. Next thing I know we’re in her apartment, I got the signal and I’m rounding third & heading for home. And to both of our surprises, it came out:
“I think I love you.”
Needless to say, it stopped the action short while she laughed uncontrollably. Yeah, not my proudest moment.
We dated for a couple more months and never spoke of it again.
I’ve only said it once, to my first love, so I suppose it is technically my earliest. My girlfriend and I had been dating for six weeks (though we’d known each other well for about three years). We were both 21.
On one particularly nice date, as we were walking home after dinner, I confessed my love. I knew at the time that, although she liked me very much, she was likely not in love with me. Still, I was so impassioned that I let it loose.
She seemed happy to hear it but could not return the words. We both handled it gracefully, but it created a long-term imbalance that slowly grew with time. The further the relationship went without her matching my feelings, the greater the disparity seemed to feel.
We had a fantastic time together overall and parted on nice terms, but I often wonder if my quick words of love had formed the first crack in the relationship’s armor.
Special bonus side story - A childhood neighbor of mine told his current wife of about 40 years that he loved her after two days! I’ll have to press him for more details, as I’ve forgotten the story
My husband told me he loved me after three days, but later we learned we both wanted to say it to each other…within the first hour! He also asked if I wanted to elope the first night we met (jokingly) and I said, deadpan and mostly serious, “Sure, let’s go.”
We are not by any means a normal couple. We met in September of 2003 and have only not seen each other one day in all that time.
Oh, and we’re both caucasian. He’s 33 and I’m 35. Heterosexual. Married nine years.
As a young adult I would get those feeling sometimes within a week, maybe 2 weeks before I expressed it to them. As a divorced 40 year old I would usually end a relationship immediately upon hearing those words.
My partner and I met on a Friday evening, and there was an instantaneous mutual attraction. We both went back to my place, and didn’t leave until Monday morning. At some point, probably Sunday, we both said it . . . and meant it.
