I’m fairly new in the relationship business myself, so I may not have much insight, but here’s my experience.
My first bf and I fell in love very quickly. The day we meant, we committed to a long-term (as opposed to a one-night) monogomous relationship. The next day, he was introducing me to his friends as his boyfriend. We were saying those three magic words within days of our first meeting. And we meant it, too; they weren’t just words thrown out in a moment of passion. It was a fast, passionate affair. The flames ignited quickly and burned hot. But those flames were just as quick to burn out, too. We broke up in just 3 months.
A few months later, I met a guy in a gay bar. Not a good place to start a ltr. But, I wasn’t looking for a relationship; neither was he. We started talking, made a date for later in the week. We met again, went to his place, and talked. That’s it…just talked. We then made another date. We went out to dinner…and talked. Instead of jumping into a physical relationship, we dated and got to know one another. But we were both gun-shy from our previous experiences and took things slow. But instead of being fast and physical, this was a deep romance. We found out we had so much in common, and we matched in so many ways. I began to realize that this man is truly my soul-mate. I also realized that I was deeply in love. It took a while to say it…a couple of months…and yes, it was hard to say. Not because I didn’t mean it; but because I meant it so much. And the feelings were so very deep.
On Oct. 4th, we celebrated our third anniversary. Three years, and we’re still deeply in love with one another, with no end in sight. We’ve settled down and built a home and a life together. Three years down, a life-time to go.
How long is appropriate before you say it? That depends on the two of you. How will you know if the time is right? Hell, I don’t know. But you’ll know. But be sure of one thing: when you say it, mean it; don’t say it if you don’t mean it.
Do you make a big deal out of saying it, or just “slip it in” somewhere? That up to you; whatever’s right for the two of you.
How to be part of a couple. I don’t know that either. I got lucky; its just been easy for us. No fights, no arguments, nothing. People used to tell us that the first year is the roughest. We laughed. There has been nothing rough about any of it.
But I’d say the key is communication and honesty. Yeah, that’s trite, but its true. Get to know one another; not on a superficial level, but get to what he’s about. And let him know what you’re about. One of the hardest things for me was to let down my guard and let him in, to let him get close, to let him get to know me. Really know me. Stay honest with yourself and with each other.
Sorry for the long post. Hopefully, there’s something of substance in there somewhere.
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