A year, let alone two is a wee bit more than a ‘cooling off period’ though. For a fair few divorces that would be longer than the actual marriage.
Otara
They should just pretty much let your Facebook relationship status dictate. Ending a relationship is easy as mouse click.
Well this is a timely thread. I’ve got first date this weekend with a separated guy. I’m not really sure what the situation is and I’ll hold off judgments until I know. But I’d really like to know what’s going on. I’m not sure when/how to tactfully ask.
I’d start with “So when how long ago did you and your wife separate?” and then segue into (or start with) “Have you started with all the divorce stuff, I hear there’s a ton of paperwork involved?” OR “Are you guys going to use lawyers for the divorce or do it yourself?” Either of these questions will give you a good idea of what’s going on his head. Either you’ll hear answers relating to divorce type stuff (to which you can infer that he’s planning to file soon if he hasn’t already), or answers along the line of “We haven’t really talked about that yet”, “We’re not sure yet”, “I don’t know what’s going on yet”. If you hear the latter, you’ll then have to figure out if he really is trying to figure out how to go about it or if it sounds like they haven’t totally figured out if they plan to divorce. If it sounds like they haven’t even decided if they are going to divorce (and you’re not okay with that, some people are) then I’d suggest finishing up the date and when he calls back for a second you can say “Look, I really enjoyed meeting you, but I’m not ready to date someone that’s so fresh out of a marriage. Tell you what, you’ve got my number, as soon as you file for the divorce, give me a call”
I’m sure you all heard of the *Odd Couple’*s Jack Klugman but did you know
(Source: Wikipedia)
This got me thinking of a guy I did agree to go get coffee with whose relationship status was separated. He kept talking about his toddler daughter, and how he liked to dress her up in hats. Literally, that is all he wanted to talk about… Buying outfits with matching hats for his daughter. 
Coffee was pretty short and that was it.
I would ask a straightforward question, i.e., how long have you been separated. This should lead to a illuminating discussion about it. I agree that wavering would be a big red flag… or if he uses really derogatory language about the ex. Good luck and keep us posted!
But, with that, you may have to ask some pretty direct questions to get the conversation going. First off, if he hasn’t been separated too long, it may still be a sore spot that he’ll prefer not to talk about and secondly, us divorced and separated people are taught (if he was looking around on the internet) to keep discussion of the Ex to a minimum. Most dates (again, according to the internet) don’t really want to hear about it. But I think it’s more then fair to ask the questions that you’ll need the answers to in order to make a decision.
Same here, except that having been burned on this twice now, I won’t consider someone whose divorce hasn’t been final for more than a year. How much more, I don’t really know, but I do know that a year isn’t nearly enough time. They were both deep in denial about how profoundly the divorce had affected them; neither of them were ready to take our relationship remotely seriously, they were just killing time and wanting to get laid.
It’s not so much the label as it is the fact that if you’re still stuck in the legal process, you can’t completely sever ties and move on. Moving on takes quite a while, even though it seems they’ll usually insist that they’re fine. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who doesn’t really want to be with me.
The same holds true for people who were together for several years but never married. If ties were severed a year or less ago, they’re not anywhere near ready for another real relationship, regardless of how “fine” they insist they are. Unfortunately these are harder to suss out; those who are divorced usually mention it, but not so if it was “just” a girlfriend (or even fiancee!), even if the relationship was functionally (if not legally) a marriage. And it’s hard to politely ask about someone’s recent dating history early enough to do any good.
I won’t date anyone who isn’t legally divorced.
I know quite a few couples who are separated and do not intend to divorce. Yes, knowing whether a potential partner is separated, separated and headed for divorce, divorced, married, living with someone, living with sometwo, dating other people at the same time as me, or dating me exclusively is important. Is there someone for whom it would not be important?
I once dated someone who Told me they were separated, but I found out years and years later, was not. I was upset about that and would never date someone unless they were legally single.