In praise of the "fake-out rhyme" lyric

Cafe Society
41

In Up Pompeii, the young master Nausius fancied himself a poet and was always writing odes that he would try out on Lurcio, the family slave. Unfortunately, Nausius had a hard time finding a rhyme.

It was a TV series and later they did a feature film. Here’s a collection of some from the TV series and movie. I prefer the ones from the series, Frankie Howerd had an audience to work with so I think his fourth wall asides are much better. Odes start about 3:30 in.

Ode to Flavia
I love her face, that bosum fair
That skin without a ripple
But most of all I love to lie
With my lips upon her left shoulder

Ode to Gropia
I spied this beauty quite by chance
The one I yearn to woo
She was not standing on a cloud
She was sitting on the balconey

42

There once was a man from Japan
Whose limericks would never scan.
When asked why it was,
He answered because
I can never think of a suitable ending.

43

Another Adam Again fan! Will you be my friend?

44

The Arrogant Worms’ “The Assumption Song” is another full example of this:

[QUOTE=The Arrogant Worms]

There was an old farmer
Who lived on a rock
He sat in the meadow
Just shaking his

Fist at some boys
Who were down by the crick
Their feet in the water
Their hands on their

Marbles and playthings
And at half past four
There came a young lady
She looked like a

Pretty young creature
She sat on the grass
She pulled up her dress
And she showed them her

Ruffles and laces…
[/QUOTE]

45

Michelle Shocked does it in ‘On the Greener Side’:

You say you want to give me a run for my money,
There’s something I’m gonna admit:
Well, it may sound funny, but Romeo, honey,
I don’t want none of your

Love, love, love
Don’t keep me satisfied…

46

Not a rhyme, but I just heard Paul Simon’s “Late in the Evening” and I’m reminded of a word he may have wanted to use instead:

I stepped outside to smoke myself a “J”
[…]
And I turned my amp up loud and I began to play
And it was late in the evening
And I blew that room away

Wouldn’t it be a lot funnier if, as a double entendre, he had said “I blew that joint away”? It’s so obvious that I’m wondering if he just left it unsaid for the listener to figure out what the word was supposed to be.

47

I’ve never realized what they’re doing.

I’m a bit slow.

48

Anthrax, “I’m the Man”. Does it at the end of every verse. One guy sings the verse, and leaves the last word for another guy, who gets it wrong, every time. The band then yells at him, or says what the word should have been. I loved this song, because it was a heavy metal band playing a joke rap song. It was funny when i was 14. The bolded word is the joke word, and the underlined parts are the other band-mates spoken “lines.”

Warning- very crude lyrics:

Now we’re Anthrax and we take no shit
And we don’t care for writing hits
The sound you hear is what we like
I’ll steal your pop-tarts like I stole your socks
Yo man, what’s the matter with you?
I’ll get it the next time, I mean it

Charlie, beat the beats, the beats you beat
The only thing harder is the smell of my feet
So listen up 'cause you might get dissed
Go drain the lizard or take a chair
Damn, watch the beat

We’ve got real def rhythms and fresh new jams
And ya think we got egos but we’re just hams
Scott plays stick ball and likes to skate
Frank is never on time he’s always sleeping
Late

They drink the drinks, the drinks they drank
I put my money in the bank
They cut their crack, they offer joints
We don’t do drugs, do you get our meaning
Point, point, watch the beat

For a heavy metal band raps a different way
We like to different and not cliche
They say rap and metal can never mix
Well all of them can suck our
Sexual organ located in the lower abdominal area
No man, it’s dick

Fart the farts, the farts he farted
I pick my nose 'cause I’m retarded
Like El Duce says, "Smell my anal vapor
And wipe my butt with your face
Toilet paper, yo, watch the beat

So, as this rap is winding down
It’s plain to see we wear the crown
You know Anthrax is number one
But we don’t care, we just wanna have a festival
Fun you stupid, idiot

49

“Let Her Sleep Under the Bar”:

“’Twas a cold winter’s evening, the guests were all leaving,
O’Leary was closing the bar,
When he turned and he said to the lady in red,
‘Get out, you can’t stay where you are.’
She shed a sad tear in her bucket of beer
As she thought of the cold night ahead,
When a gentleman dapper stepped out of the —phone booth,
And these are the words that he said:

‘Her mother never told her
About the ways of college men.
And how they come and go, mostly go,
Now age has taken her beauty.
And sin has left its sad scar;
So remember your mothers and sisters, boys,
And let her sleep under the bar.’”

I don’t want to say how many years it took before I realized he hadn’t in fact been in the phone booth. :slight_smile:

50

I was hoping no one would beat me to this one…

I had a great collection of early 30s show tunes years ago that led off with “Eadie Was a Lady” by Ethel Merman.

Among the many lines extolling Eadie’s virtues was this one:

Now Eadie could get plastered
And call a man a…scoundrel

51

I always enjoyed this one:

In Oxford there was a young miss
Who went down to the river to read
A man in a punt
Stuck his oar in her eye
And now she has to wear glasses.