In the last 48 hours (possibly TMI)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In the last 48 hours, in no particular order:

I chatted up this guy in a bar and thought he could be a bit of fun until he started ranting about how all women are evil cunts who have no brains, then started listing off inventions and their famous male inventors and declaring that no woman could ever have invented such things. Worse yet, this 39-year old said repeatedly that I looked over 40!

Someone was murdered a block from my apartment. I didn’t know him.

I took a guy home and he had to be told more than once that he was not allowed to smoke cigarettes in my apartment. Dumb me, I didn’t tell him he couldn’t smoke crack in my apatment so he did that instead. And left his makeshift pipe (a perforated beer can) behind for me to find this morning.

I went to the dollar store and found a mini football like you’d toss out to kids at a game. It bore the name of a funeral chapel and crematorium.

I passed a carrot completely through my digestive tract and saw it sticking out of my poop.

2

Been a busy 48 hours then! lol.

3

How on earth did you swallow a whole carrot in the first place?

4

Otto, Otto, Otto, talking to guys who hate women, and sleeping with guys who smoke crack is one thing. But swallowing whole carrots? Didn’t your mother teach you anything? lol

5

Wow, I thought I was bad, I only made 6 new best friends last night, came home with more money than I left with, a book about the the Dalai Lama, and woke up naked, I still have no idea if I took my clothes off or someone else did.

As for the carrot, to shit a whole carrot you first have to swallow a whole carrot, which I consider quite a skill.

6

You know, nothing in this sentence says that the carrot went through in the usual direction.

7

It was a baby carrot. And how did I know that would engender more comment than anything else?

Also I got a haircut. I thought it was maybe a little too short at first but after jzuzhing it a bit it looks all right.

8

I’m going to bed. The first time I read this, I thought it said “I passed a parrot completely through my digestive tract and saw it sticking out of my poop.”

9

::hijack::Sounds like a crappy weekend::hijack::

10

After what-ing it??? I can’t even imagine how that word would be pronounced. It makes me feel like I want to buy a vowel.

11

I thought, for a moment, you’d killed the guy who thought you looked over forty. I would have understood.

12

It took you 48 hours to pass a carrot?

I think you have some kind of alimentary disorder…

And no offense, or anything, but the easiest way to ensure you have a drama-free weekend is not to invite crackheads in :wink:

13

Well it’s not like I knew he was a crackhead…

Jzuzhing. From Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. It’s fixing your hair in a careful careless way.

14

Otto, my best girlfriend lives right next door to the murder site also. She’s pretty shook up. Probably going to spend a couple nights at my place. Sounds like a crummy 48 hours. Maybe we should collaborate on a Madison Dopefest to commiserate?