Welcome to the valley newcomers. Please feel free to pull up an ottoman or stool (we don’t have chairs) and help yourself to some beer, coffee or darjeeling (thanks for that one Calladair )
Thanks, Meros, but if it’s all the same I’ll take a latte.
Mmmm, beer. I suppose I’ll have a Guinness, since there’s no Yuengling or Sam Adams available. And I’ll just have a demitasse, since I can’t get a pint. (I could get a gallon, but that might be a bit much.)
Of course, there’s also no Coke or Pepsi, but there is Dr. Pepper.
Or how about a nice Hawaiian Punch? 
I’ll go out on a limb and order a Gin’n Tonic. If that’s not available, I’ll just order a Manhattan. I like my drinks to be bittersweet as is customary in the valley.
I was thinking it might be time for a cookout (although not a picnic). I hear they love to grill in the valley. But they do it without hamburgers or hotdogs or kielbasa.
So what do they grill?
I like to cook. I hope cooking is allowed in the valley because I wouldn’t want to eat my beef raw.
Ok, I thought I got it, but I guess not … hmmm …
Finally got it. I’m not allowed in but I hear that:
There are no lawns, but there is grass.
You can see trees, but no forests.
Nahtanoj
In the valley they grill beef patties, but not chicken breasts or pork chops.
I hear that the valley also has hills and gullies, but no mountains or ravines.
In fact, you can only eat your beef cooked – raw is not allowed. (No steak tartare for you!)
Well, beef, obviously. Also green and yellow peppers (but not red ones). And eggplant. And I’m sure they’d grill succotash if they could figure out how.
You know, I was thinking, it’s kind of weird that there isn’t anybody in the valley. I mean, noone is there. But where is everybody? Of course, if you really look, you’ll find they’re all there somewhere.
Everyone’s belly button is an inny (no outies)
You have a good point “Aholibah” but even if they all were around somewhere they’d have a eck of a time trying to stay anywhere seeing as there’s no ground.
There are creeks in the Valley, but there are no oceans, rivers, lakes, streams, or even water of any kkind.
I don’t htink I want to visit this valley:
The beer has no alcohol!
However, the coffee does have caffeine.
Plenty of cattle and deer, but no herds.
Nahtanoj
In the valley, they agree with Michael Moore, Bill O’Reilly, <i>and</i> Ann Coulter, though no one is Liberal or Conservative. Also, no one votes, but they do go to the polls.
Dang it took me a while to figure this out…
But in the valley you have knitting needles but no sewing or pins and though you have hooks, you can’t crochet.
And there’s football (or soccer), baseball and croquette but no sports.
Another happy Valley dwelller! Welcome, DeVena!
In this valley, crime is excessive, but not rampant: they have killers, but no murderers; robbers, but no thieves; hoodlums but no delinquents; and crooks but no swindlers.