The boy is off to Outward Bound. The girl has a couple of friends visiting from out of state. Where does this leave me?
Estrogenville.
Four wimmens and me. Granted, I’ve had fantasies along this line, but the four wimmens were older than 16 and for some reason had an unquenchable lust for the Welby lovin’. That’s obviously not the case here.
Instead I get to hear girlish giggles at all hours. I also get to listen to naught but silence at dinner because I’m a man and manly stuff doesn’t interest them and womanly stuff obviously can’t be discussed in front of me. Unless, of course, it’s something I don’t want to hear.
For example, yesterday during dinner the discussion was centered around the closest store to walk to so the girls could pick up some tampons. This is NOT information that I need.
7 more days of this. I might survive. I might snap. Right now I’m teetering on the edge.
Beats the Testosterone Zone any day. All I ever hear is farting and gear head talk. There’s Plumber’s Crack at every turn. They talk to inanimate objects like they’re people! They watch racing on TV (lots of guys turning left). My house needs an estrogen baptism!
I’m planning on a counterstrike soon, GMR. I’m having some of the boys over for a weapons-making session and beer. We’re gonna grill steaks rare and watch highlight films of NFL seasons and hockey games.
Welby, you can’t let them win. Your situation is one of the many battle fronts of the gender wars!!!
with the birth of Lifetime and Oxygen as well as the Oprah behemoth we have lost considerable ground. The food network is yet another of their underhanded first strike weapons! You have to fight back; here are a few simple steps
¡Ü ESPN should only be turned off to watch Die hard movies.
¡Ü Pants are a thing of the past; only tight whites and boxers for you. In fact, white is not the right color, dingy yellow with no elastic, and enough hole to whistle when you fart.
¡Ü every meal will consists of burnt dead animal flesh; if it doesn’t have a name and fur then you don’t eat it!
¡Ü Beer and Whisky are the only allowable beverages. Period
¡Ü Any tampon talk shall be combated with Tales from the John¢â A litany of stories about your favorite bowel movements and embarrassing defection related stories
¡Ü Penile Adjustment will take place at will during meal; Ass/back s scratching with the nearest remote control/fork/car key/small child is encouraged.
This is your battle to win or lose welby, Godspeed
Hey, welby?, so like, I was gonna go to the, um, store? for some tampons? and then it was all rainy and junk, giggle and you, I, uh, I’m not feeling quite so ‘fresh’?
'Cause, like, if I walked? to the store? inthe rain? giggle Like, my hair would just get all wet, and like, take FOReverrrr to dry, and junk.
Would you mind giving me a ride to the store? for some tampons? and some feminine freshness, um, stuff?? Like, that would be great! giggle
