... in which Ace bangs his head against a wall.

Amy, dear… we’re going to Snow Ball because when you asked me, Aaron was your boyfriend and didn’t want to go.

Remember when you were dating Aaron and he didn’t want to go to the wedding - where, mind you, you were the Maid of Honor - and you asked me to go? And I couldn’t, so you had to go stag even though he wasn’t doing anything? He just didn’t want to go?

Remember who called you after you had your abortion and listened to you cry? It wasn’t drunk daddy. It wasn’t your boyfriend at the time. It was me.

I don’t need to remind you that he hit you.

Obviously, Amy, I like you. You like me. You’ve told me. You’ve shown me. Your sister and parents have told me. Your boyfriend harasses me on AIM because he knows you like me.

I was walking on air for this past week because I was so excited that you were single again. Okay, I admit it. I was really hoping that things would happen after Snow Ball. But that’s only because I was also hoping that emotional things would happen after Snow Ball, too… and the way you’ve been acting, I thought you were hoping that too.

So why did you get back with him?

I know it’s only on a ‘trial basis.’ I know you don’t think it’s gonna work out, and I know you’ve already had a big fight about nothing… but Amy, your priorities are clear here. If I was anywhere near the top of your list, you wouldn’t have gotten back with him at all.

Oh, you’re still getting your corsage. I’ll still be your guy-in-uniform at the dance and I’ll even buy you dinner and dessert afterwards, because my grandmother always taught me that a dance date is still a date.

Funny, though… it seems more like a chore now, and less like a giddy little dance.

i can sympathize. i was ecstatic to hear that one of my friends had apparently wised up and was leaving the emotionally abusive relationship she’d been in since i met her.

i was not so happy to hear she was leaving to date my ex. not that i’m jealous, but he’s just as big of a loser as the current guy. this is the guy who faked his own suicide when i tried to leave him. sigh.

the worst was when i found out that she’s not leaving abusive jerk #1; she was apparently just trying to piss him off so he’d see how much she was hurting and treat her better.

funny, that’s the exact same excuse my ex gave for the faked suicide.

some people, ace, some people are stupid.

Bummer. Is Amy one of the ones who likes to sit in your lap and talk to you about her sex life with her “other” boyfriends, and wants you to go shopping with her all the time?

Leave off thy head-banging, chum. It’s a big ocean out there and there are other, nicer fish out there in it.

Ace, we have a name for women who are chronically attracted to losers–I’ll think of it in a minute. Anyway, the thing is, they all have low self-esteem. How’s your self-esteem? Holding up pretty good? Tell Amy she’s welcome to find someone else to buy her dinner (geez, and here I thought we were all OVER that whole “guy buys the girl dinner” thing from the 1950s :rolleyes: ), and you go find some other lucky gal to escort to the Ball. Or don’t go at all. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.

And, I’m sorry, maybe it’s my age showing, but why in the world do you still feel obligated to go with her to the Ball, if she’s back together with this other guy? Just because “she asked you”? What, is she going to sue you for breach of promise if you opt out? Or are you afraid you might hurt her feelings if you bow out, and tell her why? I’ve always thought honesty is the best policy between two people of whatever sexual gender or persuasion, so if it was me, I’d tell her the truth (“It’s too painful for me to go out on a date with you when you’re not interested in me romantically”), because let’s face it, it’s a “date”, meaning “romantic”, and if she’s “romantic” with some other guy, you might as well go with your sister. Or your mom. Hey, that’s a thought… :smiley:

Annnnd…tell me again why she can’t take Mr. “You’re So Wonderful–Sometimes” to the Snow Ball? Is she pulling the “if I don’t go with you, Ace, then I just won’t go with anybody” line? And then you feel sorry for her, boo hoo, Amy might not get to go to the Ball? That’s manipulative as all getout, babe. Don’t let her push your buttons like that.

Ace, I don’t quite know what you mean by

but it appears very clear to me that she thinks of you as a friend, and only a friend. I’ve been there and done that before. It hurts like hell to see her pick other men over you. You feel like you’re this close to being her man, but there always seems to be another guy in the way. No matter what she says, that’s the way it is. I had a woman tell me “If I wasn’t with ****, I’d be with you.” When she and **** broke up, she found a guy that wasn’t me and dated him instead.

It will always be that way with her, forget about a romantic relationship. Convince yourself that being her friend is enough. I basically told myself “A woman doesn’t have to want to sleep with me to be my friend.” That’s the truth, you can be friends, just friends, if you want to. That woman above and I are still friends, good friends, and I love her dearly. Today it bothers me very little that she is married to another man, because we are still friends. The guy that she dated instead of me… they haven’t spoken in years. I got the better deal.

If she is good enough to be your SO, she should be good enough to be your friend. There are other women out there who will think you’re the right guy for them, find them and forget Amy. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. One last thing, friends should be on equal footing with each other, don’t let her walk all over you.

Aaron just doesn’t ‘do’ dances/weddings/important occasions. Yes, I realize this is stupid.

I was planning to go with Amy just as her friend because Aaron didn’t want to go. It so happened that between when I decided I was going and now, she broke up with him, and we started getting a little friendlier. (It’s a long, ugly relationship that I’d explain except that it would take forever).

Also, it’s not my dance. :slight_smile: Amy’s a high school senior, I’m a college sophomore (obligatory age explanation: She’s 18, I’m 19). The reason I accepted was because at the time we were solidly friends with crushes on each other and I figured we could have a good, nonsexual time.

And yeah, we probably still can. But just the fact that she’s basically pissing on me like this is deflating me greatly.

you mean how she’s, like, not acting like your friend?

So, Aaron’s abusive and has no social skills–“doesn’t do dances” is code for “no social skills”. He harasses you. And this is the guy Amy wants? Doesn’t that tell you a little something about Amy? “When he hit me, it was just like a kiss…” Not meaning to dis your lady love, but really…Get some perspective, babe.

Sorry, Ace, but I’m just missing something major here. Why in the world would you want to spend even 10 minutes in the company of someone who is “basically pissing on you”, let alone an entire evening? Now, me, my time is precious. If you don’t act as if you like me, or even respect me, that’s fine, I don’t even wanna ride in the same car with ya, let alone go to a dance with ya.

Is it her conversation? Is she bright, witty, does she make you fall off your chair laughing? Does she stun you with her insight?

Is it pity? Kindness? Do you just see something beautiful inside her, a fragile flower of trust begging to be encouraged into the open?

Or is it just her tits? :smiley:

I just CLICK with her. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it and I don’t know how to rationalize it, but she makes me feel good. I like spending time with her, and we just really get along really well.

All except for this whole relationship mess. Not to try to take the blame or anything - that’s just the way it sounds - but the only time we ever run into any trouble is when one of us decides that we should be more than friends. I’ve done it to her enough times when it just didn’t feel right. She’s done it to me a lot. It’s just part of ‘us,’ I guess.

I enjoy being around her. I originally was going to say “I like her friendship,” but that’s not working out. I like being with her, talking to her, exchanging ideas with her. I get along with her friends and family. She gets along with mine.

All except that damn Aaron.

So yeah, stuff’s fucked up. And I’m hoping against hope that we can salvage something.

In my opinion, Aaron is not the problem; Amy is. And you’re letting her be your problem, too. Decide if having her in your life is worth the downside, and if she isn’t worth it, cut her loose. There are 6 billion people in the world; life is way too short to waste your time on people that you don’t enjoy being with. You would be better off reading a good book than spending time with someone who doesn’t improve your life by being in it.
(Oh, and when you really DO click with someone, you really do click. There are no “buts” or conditions.)

That first sentence in the OP raised my eyebrows, having seen ‘Clerks’ and having the word ‘snowball’ ruined forever because of it.

Take my advice, Ace:

Do not call her again. Do not return her messages. If she asks something of you, you are not available. Give no reason. Be distant. She will see you differently. Either she will want you or look for another ‘friend’. Both are better options than what you’ve got now.

You are in the ‘friend’ zone. As Joey Tribiani would say, “You’re the mayor of the zone”. You need to get out of the zone because a) you want to be her lover and b) she’s not really your friend.

Instead of harrassing you, this guy should be thanking you…I mean, if it wasn’t for you, she might have to break up with him and date someone who would take her to dances and weddings and hang with her family and friends…But here you are providing the part of the relation that he doesn’t want, thereby taking all of the work out of the relationship for him…And you are providing it for free…

Next time he pops up on IM’s, you tell him that if it wasn’t for guys like you, women wouldn’t date guys like him…