In which Dyno shoots the person in the car next to him...

So, a guy I work with and I are returning to our place of business from lunch, when we pull up at a red light. Just to the front of me, there’s a guy in a convertible, fulfilling all the worst convertible-guy stereotypes. Feeling the need to do something about this, I take aim. Unfortunately, before I was able to get the window down, the light changed and he made a right turn. As we were going straight, my target was gone.

Fortunately, at the next light, a car filled with other co-workers pulled up next to us, out next to the driver. As the one in the other car’s passenger seat opens the window, POW, I let him have it. Or, at least, I winged him. But I definitely left a welt. Rubber bands can be nasty like that, y’know.

Anyway, while completing the drive to work (much more dangerous, as my driver was now laughing so hard he was crying), we notice the people in the surrounding cars, many of whom noticed this, laughing their asses off as well.

And for the rest of the drive to work, I was wishing I had more rubber bands to shoot at random passersby on the sidewalk. I could almost see the local news: “Outbreak of rubber-band related violence, Are YOU at risk? Details after the commercial”; and then the tape of some poor guy saying something like: “I dunno what happened. I was walking down the street when this crazy guy in the passenger seat of a Honda Civic just starts shooting me with industrial-strength rubber bands.”

Well, ok, maybe you had to be there…

One thing you gotta practice is getting your hands back down in your lap, out of sight of the window, and turning your head forward really quickly. You can’t take chances with your victims finding out who nailed 'em. Ugly scenarios may result.

Yes. Yes I would have, you hooligan.

I often pick up the mail at work. The mail often has a rubber band around it, and this goes around my wrist, It’s just habit. If I remember, I put it on my rubber band ball. If I don’t, and I notice it on the ride home, it always gets shot out the window at a car or at someone.

It amuses me, as did your post, Dyno.

Rather than shooting him, you could have given him a look of condolence and said, “Dude, I’m sorry about your penis.”

At least you didn’t get naked. Nothing scarier than naked rubber band assaults. Except naked rubber band assaults where the person is singing from Tosca.