It’s a damn shame this had to happen to you… but like you said, better now than later… at some point where you thought you could trust her.
This is the point at which you find out what folks are made of. Now you know exactly what your former girlfriend… AND her family… are made of.
And if you ask me… which you didn’t… you’re better off. I’d sure hate to be mixed up with THAT crowd when life threw me one of the inevitable curve balls. With family like that, who needs enemies?
Damn.
Just . . . damn.
All I can think of is how my parents behaved when I brought a guy home - welcoming, cheerful, interested, and respectful. And of course, that scared the guy off.
Think we could hook up our exes and sic them on one another, Hero?
Dude, can I be your friend?
As far as I can tell, you’re a pretty cool guy without having to whip out your W-2. It sucks about the Pretty Sweet Girl, but don’t let the fuckheads get you down. I hear that living well is the best revenge, but Miller’s idea sounds pretty sweet too.
Wow dude, Miller has a point. That or buy their house, burn it down, and salt the ground so nothing ever grows there again.
Oh shit. Oh sweet God. She just texted me.
It went like this:
“I know you hate me and my parents but I hate that this happened and I wish that it didn’t. You don’t know how awful I feel. I am sorry.”
So fuck it. I called her. I got her voicemail.
Right after that, I got another text:
“Sorry. My ringer was on silent. But I can’t talk anyway.”
So I texted back:
“The bill is going to show that you contacted me. You might as well do me the courtesy of talking instead of just twisting the knife.”
She returns with, “Sorry. :-(”
So I respond, “Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Just tell me what you want.”
Still waiting on a response.
So, does she have wireless web on her phone? Maybe you could point her at this thread.
If you do, I promise to post a Very Special Message for her.
Happy Scrappy - Let her go. If she was worth it, she’d have gone to the mat for you instead of letting her parents run her life. You’re worth much more than them, regardless of who has what money.
Hero I’m a 22 year old girl and my father is VERY controlling. If I had a guy as great as you sound, who treated me the way you say you treated her then there is nothing he would have said or done to keep me from him. Especially if he had a bright future that meant he might someday meet my father’s criteria, no matter how twisted said criteria might be. Something I learned in childhood: you can get through anything as long as you have light at the end of the tunnel.
That said, I back up those who have said you’re better off. If she’s not enough of an adult to stand up to him now then the future doesn’t look good. Go find a girl who can appreciate your hard work and caring and leave her to the fate her parents have assigned her.
This will be cold comfort at best–but it’s likely to warm up with time. The answer to the above question is: the kind of person that you should be grateful for being extricated from before offspring result.
Stop IMing, don’t start talking again. If possible, block her little frownyface textings (I’ll hazard that they’ll continue intermittently for awhile–passive-aggressiveness is nothing if not repetitive), otherwise just ignore them.
Breathe, heal, and in time you’ll take the whole experience as an important life lesson that it’s always best to only date adults.
You need to get away. Maybe not actually leave town, but seperate from her. Focus on college, focus on friends, focus on you. Take all her stuff and toss it out. I’d burn it, but that’s me. Cleanse your life of her, forget her.
Cause you know what, bud? You will never be good enough for that asshole dad and the rest of her family. It wouldn’t matter if you were a corporate lawyer that owned the entire state of California and built castles out of $100 bills in your free time. It wouldn’t matter if you walked on water while healing the sick and raising the dead. It’s hard to kick the field goal when the goalposts keep moving, but that’d what’d happen. You could spend your whole life pleasing the family, but it’ll never be good enough. Chalk it up to experience, be glad you got out before you threw away chunks of your life on the altar of this man’s ego.
Say goodbye. Move on.
Scrappy:
I just got engaged, and I’ve got a little bit of a shout-out for you, because I came from not-a-whole-lot, and now my prospects are looking up, too. When I was in school, I had a close friend who might have been a girlfriend if things ended up differently, and she took me aside right after I met my fiancee and said “Look. You need someone who satisfies you emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Don’t you dare settle for someone who doesn’t realize how great you are.” Take her advice, because it worked for me.
Whatever she says–or text-messages–to you, Sweet Little Girl has made her choice. She decided that you’re not worth the hassle of standing up to her father. Anything else she tells you is bullshit, because it’s right there: her dad laid down an ultimatum (don’t marry him or X will happen) and she didn’t realize that (a) her dad was a shit for laying down an ultimatum, and (b) if she really loves you, “X” just isn’t a threat, because your love is worth more than any threat.
You are lucky that you found out exactly how committed she was (not) to you now, rather than six years down the road, or every holiday when her parents decide to play those fucking in-law games, or whenever anything got tough. Relationships aren’t all fun and games (I think you figured that bit out) and when things get tough, you need a lover who will stick with you, and sacrifice anything for you.
She is wonderful – but she’s still not good enough to deserve you. Go find a girl who will fight to keep you, burn down every obstacle between you and her, and fall in love like a forest fire. Let Sweet Little Girl keep her ashes.
Wow, I really like the way you said that. Your soon to be spouse is very very lucky! 
Congratulations on your engagement and all the best for your marriage.
~J
Once, long ago, I was involved with someone who broke it off with me because his mother told him to. I was upset for a while, but I soon realized that I was far better off without him. I needed an adult, not a little boy (of whatever age) who was still under his mother’s thumb. You need an adult, not a little girl who lives under her father’s thumb. Her father may be a shit, but she is the one who chooses to let him control her life. Ultimately, it’s all her fault. Don’t let her tell you this “I’m sorry this happened” crap. She’s the cause of it, because she’s too weak to stand up to her father. I’d say tell her so, so at least she can’t say no one ever told her, and cut off contact. I’m sure there are some grown-up women out there who’d be happy to have you and would tell their family to take a flying leap if they don’t like it.