Too late to edit my previous post: I don’t think you should necessarily look for an AA-type support group if you don’t want to. Find a widows-widowers support group. You can tell them about your effort to quit drinking; I guarantee some of them have “been there, done that”.
drinking in your current situation is bad for you. not doing it anymore is a good thing.
not that you need more to do but you need more to do. do you have a hobby that you would have wanted to do or wanted to do more with? then do that. give yourself some time every day or two or when you need a break and do your hobby. immerse yourself in it while you’re doing it.
You have lots of support here, and lots of folks who have been where you are right now. Glad you are reaching out.
I agree about the support group. Both for the alcohol and for the grief. One on one grief counselling might be a good idea, in fact.
I drink seldom and normally don’t have alcohol in my home, but when my sister killed herself I got more drunk than I ever had before or since. I don’t know you well enough to say if you actually have a drinking problem or not, I’m just saying that even for people who seldom drink it’s not unheard of to get stinking drunk after the death of a loved one. It may not be a particularly good reaction but it’s not uncommon and very human.
In my case I more or less passed out and two very dear friends stayed up during the night to keep watch over me. One of them had fought her own addictions in the past and nursed me through the hangover the next day when I couldn’t keep anything down until around 3 in the afternoon, after which she applied fluids and some food that wouldn’t be irritating. Took me a couple days to really fully recover from that, despite youth, but then the emotional trauma didn’t help.
Just saying, others have gone through this, too. The particular details of your pain are unique but you are not alone.
If you think going dry is the best thing for you right now then absolutely we are here to give you whatever advice/moral support/shoulder to cry on that you need. Bravo on recognizing your actions weren’t a good response to the grief you’re currently in. Find whatever support you need to get yourself through this, whether it’s AA or a widow’s support group or friends or… well, anything and everything.
I think your parents and your in-laws both did you a favor when you hit a very low spot. If anyone here can help you out, too, let us know.
I’m here if you need me. Just PM me. You’re in my thoughts every day - do what you have to do and if you need some support or someone to rant to or someone to yell at or someone to cry to or just sometime to talk to - whatever - I’m here.
Please don’t beat yourself up about this. Stopping the drinking is a healthy decision but the fact that you overdid it is not a reflection on your character. Dealing with your problems head-on, like you are now with this thread? THAT is a reflection on your character.
We love you and we are here for you. Sending great big virtual hugs.
Quitting drinking means you have to feel everything and face everything without a buffer. You are very brave and strong to realize it’s what you need to do. I’m very sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself. Xo
You can do it. Just remember, some days it’s not one day at a time, it’s one minute at a time, but minutes add up.
Yes, yes, yes. My grief support group helped me so much.
I came too close to comfort to being dependent on ambien after my husband died. For the first few months, I eagerly looked forward to 9:00, which is when I let myself take it. I increased the dose from 5 mg to 10 mg. when I fell down one night, and wasn’t bothered by it, a little part of my brain awoke the next morning and I backed the dose down to 5mg. I quit altogether a few months later, and now only take it appropriately, for occasional insomnia.
Hang in there, girl. I didn’t think I would survive my grief, and I did. You will, too.
I’m behind you all the way, my internet friend. (I’m the one in the purple tee shirt, probably near the nacho table. ) You can do it, and I have every faith in you. We may not know each other irl, but irl I really am thinking of you every day and sending you a little vibe of strength.
You have my best wishes, of course!
Reading through I get the sense that you don’t regularly tie one on, but instead you had a really bad day - which is beyond understandable.
I am not suggesting you don’t follow through with any course of action you set your mind to, I only caution that you do not make this event become something much larger than it actually was.
You know you and you know your circumstances better than anyone else, but the phrase ‘don’t kick someone when they are down’ applies even if you are both kickin and receiving.
Short answer: understandable, don’t berate yourself human.
I agree that a grief support group would be helpful. I personally got over my addictions (booze, and codeine; not a recommended combo) by one-on-one therapy but it took a long time and sometimes I think a group might have been quicker. I’m sort of a solitary type tho. Anyhow, it’s very helpful to have someone to be accountable to, as well as someone to bitch to, and you have both here at all hours of the day and night. Lots of us have gone through various versions of addiction and all of us are at your service.
Also, you have no reason to be embarrassed since your bender was certainly understandable.
Good luck; and call on us when you need a distraction or a shoulder or a helping hand.
I think a support group is a great idea, too - it helps immensely to know that everything you’re doing and thinking and feeling is normal - that other people are doing/thinking/feeling exactly the same way.
Obviously, I don’t actually know you, but from everything you’ve posted, you seem like a person who really values independence and self-reliance. But you have been through hell this past year, and it’s impossible for you to do it all without help. There’s nothing wrong with needing to be rescued now and again, and I’m glad to know that your parents and your in-laws could step in to help when you really needed it.
I hope you know that all of us internet folks are pulling for you, and I hope that helps as well.
Good luck to you! My stepmother died two years ago way too young, and alcohol played a role in that. I would suggest a support group. First, you face the humiliation head on and get it over with. Second, though I only know you through your posts, I see you are a very caring and supportive person, and I think you could be a lot of help to the other people in the group.
Best wishes to you, purple. I can certainly relate to what you are doing. What I am trying to tell myself is what I learned through Rational Recovery. There is a “beast” part of our brains (lower brain) that tells us that being under the influence/feeling pleasure is as “necessary” as oxygen, food and drink. We simply need to acknowledge that and ignore it. Easier said than done most times, but it sure helps to even remember this fact on a daily basis. I admire you for tackling this most difficult task while you are still grieving.
A.A. is not for everyone, but one thing that a good A.A. meeting will have on hand is a bunch of people who have managed not to drink for while, no matter what was going on in their lives. You can at least talk to them about how that works.
That both sets of parents were able to work together, one of them going through the sudden loss of their own child, says a lot to me about how much they all care for and support you. I’m sure the DTs were awful and hope that you’re getting some prescription help to wean off the chemicals your body’s used to.
You’ve dealt w/ an immense amount of change that was out of your control this past few weeks and there’s no downside to talking to others who’ve been through similar losses and can share their tools for getting that control back. Please keep getting up and coming back and speaking where we can hear you. We want to hear you.
Good luck 
I’m pulling for you, too. I know you’ve got a tough row to hoe. Just take it one step at a time, and I’ll say what I always say: This too shall pass. That’s the only comfort life gives us sometimes, that the moments become hours and then days and then you’re beyond the situaiton.