My wife left for Peoria last Saturday morning, to return Sunday night.
As she was leaving Saturday morning, I said, in these exact words: “I’ll be at work Sunday night, so I’ll see you when I get off, yada yada yada…”
Mrs. Rastahomie came home Sunday night and, as expected, I wasn’t there. Obviously, my little reminder Saturday morning that I would be at work Sunday night wasn’t good enough. Because when I got home later that night, I got an earful :eek:. Apparently, I should have left a note :rolleyes:.
So I humbly implore the married women of the Straight Dope: was I wrong to not leave a note? I’m still hearing about this four days later, so…
You could say he Rue’d DeDay he didn’t give a card.
:: rimshot ::
:: crickets ::
At any rate. I don’t think a note was necessary. You mentioned you’d be at work. If you had wanted to leave a note that said “hey, glad you made it home, I’ll see you when I get off of work” that would have been cute and sweet, but certainly not required.
I don’t know how long you’ve been married, rasta, but you certainly should have learned by now that the concept of right and wrong, when applied to a husband’s behavior, is not the same as it is in the world at large.
Rule No. 1: You were wrong. You were wrong this time, you were wrong the time before, you will be wrong next time, etc., etc.
Rule No. 2: If, by some miracle, you weren’t actually wrong in a technical sense, please see Rule No. 1.
Rule No. 3: Even if you still think you weren’t wrong, you must behave as if you DO think you were wrong. Apologize. Make it up to her. Buy her something. Do the dishes.
Rule No. 4: If you are only pretending that you were wrong you must pretend convincingly or it doesn’t count. All gifts and favors are removed from your account and you have to start over again. In fact, you are in the hole because pretending to be wrong is also wrong.
Rule No. 5: Under no circumstances should you try to explain why you are right and she is wrong. Besides the inherent violation of Rule No. 1, this course of conduct includes the further wrongs of a) contradiction of an obvious truth and b) using “that tone of voice” with her. If you thought you were in trouble for being wrong before, just you wait.
Rule No. 6: (Which makes all the other rules worthwhile.) Confession of wrongdoings can sometimes lead to, um, “celebration” of your forgiveness.
Feel free to contact me if the foregoing needs clarification.
Yes you should have left a note. You mentioning it in passing is not good enough, she probably had a lot of other things on her mind so forgot about you telling her. The LIONsob leaves notes for me now if he goes to the store when I’m sleeping in case I wake up and freak out that he’s not here. He has also left notes when I was in the hospital and sleeping when he came to visit so I would know he had been there and not kill him for not showing up.
I’m with Sue, I think telling her should have been enough. In fact, if it had been me and I had remembered what you said, I might have been pissed if you had left a note in addition to telling me.
However, you do need to make sure you have your partner’s full attention when telling them Important Things. Don’t pull this trick:
[ul]
Wife is reading newspaper/preparing a meal/getting dressed.
Husband - “Honey, I’ll be late tonight”
Wife - “mm-mmm”
[/ul]
Not that I think you did this, just be warned.
OTOH, you should also be aware enough by now of your wifes quirks to know whether a note was necessary or not. If she has a mind like a sieve for certain details you should go ahead and write notes covering those details.
Okay, I’ve only been married for two years, so maybe I’m missing the big picture, but I see two scenarios:
I’m sorry I didn’t leave you a note. That was actually really inconsiderate of me, and I can certainly appreciate your concern. I’m really happy you’re home now, though, so lets forget about this, and I won’t do it again.
Well, I asked a whole bunch of people on the internet, none of whom are you, and they all agree with me, so let’s stand here and fight about it. And fight about it. And fight about it. So that you’re still hearing about it four days later. Trust me; the time to be contrite is immediately. And look at the upside; you get moral superiourity points for a few days.
Time lost: Well, in my house, if neither of us budges, about 300 years. Seriously. My wife can teach rocks how to be stubborn. Bloodpressure change: huge, and probably negative. I really should stop getting her knives for christmas.
I take my father’s advice on this one: argue about the big things. Ignore the little things. Spend lot’s of time in the garage, working on cars, where she’ll leave you alone (well, it worked for him)
In our house, the mention is enough. No note required.
However, it’s actually not enough, because neither of us seem to ever remember the mentions, so we go through these keystone cops routines everytime something like this happens. If we were smart, we would start leaving “just in case you forgot I mentioned it” notes, but that would involve remembering to leave a note.
I’d go with the “I’m sorry you were upset” response, and a promise for both parties to use the note back-up system in the future.