So, Skald gave me access to his secret lair in this thread. I’ll be choosing which doomsday devices to use in saving the world, after sampling a few of the hookerbots and such. Part of the “and such” means playing with the groovy-neato alternate universe teleporter thingy. Being me, I use it to bamf in Gandalf, and give him whatfor about his candyass magery. Before I even get started good, he tells me the aliens from the other thread have somehow prevented the destruction of the One Ring, and worse, have wiped all memory of the heroes of the LOTR stories from Middle Earth. As Skald’s duly appointed [del]fall guy[/del] er…assistant, obviously I can’t allow this to happen, but I’ll be needing some help. Time is short, so we’ll have to put a team together pretty quick and dirty. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to assemble an adventuring party from among your fellow Dopers. You MUST choose one (and only one) Ring Bearer, and three companions who will be mostly non-combatants. You MAY choose up to five others to accompany you and the Ring Bearer as bodyguards/muscle/etc. (You are obviously a combatant) Further, you may assign AD&D 1st Edition races/classes to yourself and the five other combatants, and through this wonderous machine, the people you choose will magically can the appropriate skills/abilities/knowledge of at least a 10th level character of the appropriate race/class. All members of your party will also be given the ability to speak the appropriate languages and such.
You will be starting in the Shire, as Frodo did, and must destroy the One Ring as he did, or all is lost.
Oddly enough, Gandalf indicates that there may be other complications throughout the multiverse. He has to get to a meeting with the Grey Council, the Jedi Council, and the N.W.A. Board of Directors, now chaired by Cowboy Bill Watts, to determine what further actions must be taken, if any.
I wanna be a NPC. In Bree, at the Prancing Pony. See the table in the back, next to the kitchen door? Those three drunks? I’m the short one in the middle.
Sorry, that ain’t gonna happen. I’m drafting you for my team. As a dwarven fighter. Here’s some Chainmail +3 and an Axe +2, Giantslayer. Please get suited up, we leave at dawn.
Wow, that’s hard to read.
Is this a game for the Game Room?
Can I go hang out with Bomboldi? I mean at least I can sing songs and hang out with his cute friend. I don’t really want to get involved and that’s the safest spot in the world.
Game/hopefully semi-comedic riff on LOTR, something like that. Could go either forum. Or may die a miserable and lonely death, in which case the entire multiverse will collapse, and George Gulas will become a long term N.W.A. World Heavyweight Champion. Nobody wants that to happen.
And Bombadil no longer exists. Aliens got him. They may get us all, unless we can complete the quest.
Ave Oakminster, morituri te salutant!
I’ll be the Ringbearer.
Y’all can pick the rest of the characters – I’m fine with whoever.
As an example, my party will be as follows:
Oakminster —Mage, Team Leader
Silenus — Dwarven Warrior
Bricker — Human Paladin
Elendril’s Heir — Elven Archer (Fighter, bow specialization)
Tripler — Human Ranger
MissRed — Human Cleric
Twickster — Ring Bearer
Juiliann ---- Non-combatant #1
NinetyWeight ---- Non-combatant #2
Heffalump and Roo – Non-combatant #3
Note: I would have a spot for Skald, but he’s busy with the aliens in the other thread. Someone else can still choose him, but may get Skald1.1, depending on how/when he is at the moment.
I’m gonna be Tim Benzedrine. Hash, boo, Valvoline!
To anybody dumb enough to pick me, if I get my hands on that ring, I am claiming it. Just sayin.
Then its Goldberry time…
I think the whole point of destroying the ring is to prevent Sauron from getting his hands on it.
The classic Dork Tower version:
[Rivendell. They’re about to commence the quest to destroy the Ring.]
IGOR (Merry Brandybuck): I kill Gandalf.
KEN (Samwise Gamgee): Smooth move, man!
CARSON (Peregrin Took): I ready my mace.
[next panel]
MATT (Their Gamemaster, his mouth open impossibly wide to show his utter horror at this turn of events): You . . . do . . . WHAT?
IGOR: I mean, let’s face it: Once the wizard is out of the way, the Ring is ours.
KEN: What’s it worth on the black market?
CARSON: Ooo! Ooo! Let’s start gutting Gandalf!
[next panel]
MATT (close-up on his head in this panel): YOU’RE GOING TO GUT GANDALF THE GRAY?
CARSON: Ooo! Ooo! Let’s string up Legolas too!
KEN: Yeees! Elves are way easier to off than dwarves!
IGOR: And them’s good eatin’!
Sorry guys, but this thread ended right here…
Bravo, sir!