LOTR for the computer age

Cafe Society
1

[Computer geeks please don’t kill me for any errors I might make]

“What is it?” Fr0d0 asked, staring fearfully at the CD-ROM sitting in the palm of his hand.
“This is the One Program.” G@nd@lf intoned. “Bill Sauron has been searching despartately for this. If he finds it he will rule all of virtual space!”
“Bill Sauron head of Morcomps?” Fr0d0 whispered.
G@nD@lf nodded.
“What will we do?”
“We’ll take it to 3lr0nd. He’ll know what to do”
“3l0nd, King Of the h@xx0rs?”
“Even so.”
Fr0d0’s fear vanished, replaced by excitment. He’d always wanted to see some h@xx0rs.

2

You forgot the part when G@nD@lf put the One CDz into the oven and had sinster fiery barcodes forming on the rim…

3

“Prepare yourself we leave for Riven.dll in the morning.” G@nd@lf stated.

4

“'Tis no longer Riven.dll,” S@m said mournfully. “Has been changed to Riven.msn by Bill Sauron.”

“Then what has become of Round Rock, young S@mwise?” asked G@nd@lf, punching the data into his Handheld Stafftop.

“Razed to the ground,” replied S@m more mournfully still.

“Then we must re-form the fellowship ,” cried the Wizard. “It shall be known as the Company of the Defenders of Isildur, or dildo.com”

“Fits perfectly!” ejaculated S@m.

5

I can’t wait for sh3l0b23 of the black.www to get pwn3d by S@m.

6

Hm. I guess they should probably send out some Spiderbot wraiths to search Middlearth.com for the One Program. If only G@nd@lf knew the right meta tag to append to the Program…

7

I think the most moving part is when the B4lro9 program crashes G@nd@lf’s shell, and you think his session is terminated.

But later you find out he was running the shell from inside another, more powerful and robust shell, which handles the error gracefully and allows his session to continue.

8 


saurons_orders: procedure
do
   for Nazgul_ID = 1 to 9
      Nazgul.search_mode(Nazgul_ID) = "Shire"
      Nazgul.aspect(Nazgul_ID) = "Terrifying Black Horseman"
   next
loop until (Ring_found)

return(Ring)