It’s getting hard to respond individually, so I’ll just lump it all together. Thanks to EVERYONE.
She wears diapers.
She wears incontinence panties.
Heavy-duty, night-time mail-order ones. Yeah, I said so. One of the things about communicating on the internet is that, without fail, everybody misses something. Just happens. Can’t be helped.
Not stated earlier: she is ambulatory, but has COPD and osteoporosis. Doesn’t go further than the bathroom and back, and I try to accompany her whenever I can, to make sure she doesn’t fall.
Mom doesn’t live in the land of Oz, but she visits there often enough that I would worry about a catheter. She’s already on a prophylactic antibiotic, as she’s had frequent bladder infections, and there’s a link between UTI’s and worsening of dementia. Think the last one was at least partially responsible for a fall.
Hospital beds are very expensive AFAIK, and the nurse that Mom’s doctor had come over to evaluate her and our home to see what she needed was about as useful as a proverbial useless thing. No friggin’ help. Not in that she wouldn’t do the things we wanted her to, but in that she didn’t really do much at all, and didn’t seem to understand what she was evaluating. If she said so, Mom could have had a hospital bed paid for by insurance, but I don’t know if she even seriously considered it.
I had a roommate during my stint in rehab a couple years back(surgical reasons, not pharmacological. Shouldn’t matter for our purposes, but someone here would have a bad opinion of me if I didn’t specify, I’m sure.) who had a hospital bed who just wanted it gone. I should have got it, but he was so sleazy and dirty and misogynist and racist, I wanted as far away from him as possible as soon as I could walk away. Knew I’d want it someday. Dammit. Probably covered in racist’s poop anyway.
The vinyl vs fabric chair discussion - I’m not going to pick that scab after all. Something goes wrong, Mom slides out of a slick. slippery chair or what have you, and I’m the one who insisted. I’ll try the flannel-backed rubber sheet idea, or failing that, the shower curtain/heavy-duty plastic sheet base-layer idea. I doubt I’ll be able to care for Mom for more than another year. I’m just hoping for another Christmas at this point. Might only be a day if she doesn’t listen to me and goes outside alone again (I have electronic chimes on the doors now). The chair will last until she goes to a home at least(best-case scenario), and I’ll have bigger problems than worrying about peed-upon recliners.
The urine isn’t going through the pads. . .well, the twin-bed pad is wearing out, but that’s not the real issue. The problem is what happens when you pour a quart of liquid on something designed to handle a pint. Overflow.
Thanks to Sunny Daze for the offer to source the flannel-backed rubber sheets. I’ll get back to you if my own efforts are unsuccessful.
Thanks to everyone for the help. I don’t usually get this much of a response when I ask for help on message boards, so I really appreciate it.