Got a referral from my doc to see a psychiatrist because I’m struggling to keep afloat lately. Like really struggling. Like “should I not buy groceries with the assumption that I won’t live more than a few more days” struggling. I’m so far far far beyond done and I mean… just realistically, objectively, I can think of zero people and only one animal whose lives would actually be worse without me here. And that animal would adapt eventually. It would just take her a while. I know where. I know how. I’ve got everything I can bagged up so that getting rid of my things can be mostly as simple as chucking a few bags in a donation bin. Can’t get around the part where someone will have to find and deal with my body, though, and that seems like a shitty thing to do to anyone.
So I called. Might as well try it, right? Just because literally every single psychiatrist I’ve ever seen in my entire life has been useless and dismissive doesn’t mean they all are, right? Maybe I’ve had bad luck. Maybe I’ve had a bad perspective.
Even the office voicemail message was dripping with contempt. A message saying they’re not accepting new patients, you’ll have to get on the waiting list, and you need a referral to get on the list. And then a litany of things to please not bug them about, a request to leave your name, phone number, and DOB repeated like five times (because let’s just start with the assumption that I’m an idiot), and they made it very clear that they might call you back when they get around to it, but it sure won’t be today or tomorrow and please don’t call them again because that’s not going to make them call back any sooner.
Great, well… sorry to have bothered you? I left them a message, but that’s not really encouraging. I’m looking at a list of other doctors. Googling anyone who looks promising. Not coming up with much. The enormous majority have multiple reviews that say the same sorts of things- they’re dismissive, they spend five minutes with you and then shove a prescription in your hand and leave, they don’t address your concerns or treat you like a person, and they’re impossible to get in touch with in between sessions no matter how urgent or easy to address the issue is. That’s completely in line with my previous experiences and exactly what I’m not looking for.
I know they can’t be universally shitty (and I know they’re probably not shitty people to start with, just overloaded and they deal with challenging patients and nobody’s compassion is bottomless) and there must be one out there somewhere who is decent, but I don’t have a lengthy and exhaustive search left in my bag of resources.
@SurrenderDorothy, OUR lives are better because you’re in them. I realize that it probably doesn’t help you to hear that right now (been where you are), but it’s true.
I wish I had someone to recommend to you, but the two therapists I went to (who were very good for ME) are in NJ. Good therapists are out there. Try the Healthgrades website, they allow patients to rate their doctors.
Many many therapists have turned to distance therapy nowadays! Don’t rule out any good therapist based on distance; you may find they’d be thrilled to get a new client right now.
@SurrenderDorothy, I use Doctor on Demand for my psychiatric needs and it works great. I have a psychiatrist I really like and can see on relatively short notice (within a day or so). I know it’s hard and it really sucks (Sucks isn’t a strong enough word) but please don’t give up just yet.
thank you for the suggestions. I’ll take them under consideration. As far as I can tell, Doctor on Demand doesn’t take my insurance. I haven’t even approached the therapist idea yet. That’s a whole other overwhelming task. It’s on the list.
@SurrenderDorothy, please do take the advice under consideration. We’re all rooting for you.
I have very little additional advice to offer, but based on long experience I can say a couple of things – keeping in mind that IANAD and couldn’t even play one on TV – but still … First, by all means take a look at internet ratings of various doctors/therapists, but don’t take them too seriously. There are a lot of idiot patients out there who don’t know what they’re talking about. My GP, for instance, is excellent and very knowledgeable, but has a ton of bad ratings based on morons saying things like “always runs late”. Yeah. You know why she always runs late? Because she takes the time to really listen and respond to patients’ issues with real concern and competence.
I would also suggest contacting your GP with your observations about the psychiatrist referral and asking for another. After my cardiac event in hospital, I was assigned by the hospital to a cardiologist in one of the their large factory-like outpatient centers. I didn’t much like either the environment nor the particular doctor, and asked my GP for a referral to a different one. The one she referred to me to turned out to be the same cardiologist who had so well looked after me in the hospital, but who was not part of this assembly-line outpatient fuckup and had his own rather opulent private practice, with a ton of support staff and lots of specialized equipment right on the premises. The difference was like night and day, and since we have universal health care here, it cost me the same as the inferior service, namely, nothing at all. All I had to do was ask for the referral.
Finally, I’m not sure what you mean by “therapist” in your area vs. “psychiatrist”, but here “therapist” tends to mean “clinical psychologist”. The latter tend to be much more useful for most people, but even here with UHC, psychologists are not covered because they are not MDs, but psychiatrists are. The other downside is that psychologists can’t write prescriptions, but they can certainly recommend them to your GP. You might want to consult with your GP about a referral to either a different psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist. And while it’s true that many doctors are quick to write prescriptions just to get a patient out of the office, do not underestimate the power and efficacy of many modern psychotropic drugs, like SSRI antidepressants.
Best of luck to you and let us know how you’re getting on.
Thank you. I’ve been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt with both talk therapy and meds, so… it’s an educated pessimism. I’m not ruling out the possibility that there exists some medication that could be helpful, but it’s like hating mushrooms, trying them many multiple different ways and still hating them, and having everyone tell you that you can’t possibly hate mushrooms because mushrooms are so good and maybe you just haven’t had the right kind of mushrooms yet. I’ve tried meds. I’ve tried other meds. I’ve tried expensive meds. I’ve combined them. I’ve adjusted dosages. I’ve never ever found any that have been effective.
So this is mostly just an exercise to show that I gave it a chance, I guess. I don’t really know. A scotch tape repair to keep total breakdown at bay for another five or six miles and then I don’t know what.
Okay, weird and unsettling thing.
I don’t lock my car, sitting beside the house. I never have, and we live in a development off the main road, that delivery people have trouble finding. There’s nothing of particular value in the car, it’s a 13 year old Mazda, and this is a quiet neighborhood.
This afternoon, my wife left to go somewhere, and noticed my car door was open. My glovebox was open, and some papers scattered about. There was a 12v tire pump and an umbrella missing, and that’s it. On the driver’s seat there was a $20.00 bill and a cigarette lighter. Dafuq?
I mean, I’m annoyed about it - the pump was a cheapie, but the umbrella was a souvenir from the Smithsonian, and it’ll be a while, if ever, before I go back there. But…why on earth would someone do that?
Anyway, a police report has been filed, and I guess I’ll start locking my car door, in case someone less…honest, I guess…and more destruction prone comes along.
No problem at all – I did not take your response as snark or grumpiness in any way. Absolutely nothing for you to be sorry for. I had just been passing on the suggestion that psychotropics – Valium and Prozac are two examples that come to mind – have helped me through a few difficult periods of my life, but not all drugs work the same for everyone, nor are our needs all the same. Obviously my suggestion was very naive as I had no idea of your prior experiences, and it’s disappointing to hear that so many have not worked for you, but consider my point to be that there are good doctors and therapists and good medications out there, but they can be a challenge to find, with a lot of trial-and-error.
@SurrenderDorothy FWIW, I like reading what you write, snarky or not. And if writing it all out helps at all, please keep on doing it. No apologies ever needed for grumpy posts, grumpy is ok given what you face on a daily basis.
I know I’m just a faceless internet stranger, but you do matter, you do make a difference, and you would indeed be missed if you weren’t here. Hang in there. I wish I could wave a magic mushroom for you and make it all go away, let the sunshine in again …
Another internet stranger chiming in to tell you that wasn’t snarky nor grumpy.
I read a lot and don’t contribute much to this board, but you are one of the posters who’s thoughts I look forward to seeing. And if writing them down helps you, go for it.
The fun continues. After watching via tracking my package bounce all over the northern hemisphere, it finally arrived at the local FedEx hub too late to be delivered Friday, so it sat for the weekend despite being 12 miles away. This morning’s delivery before 1030 went off without a hitch, that is other than the minor point that it was delivered to an address on the other side of town to a educational business along with over a pallet of other laptops that they haven’t broken open to see where and what they got yet.
I’m not very happy with the lying, goat feltching bastards at FedEx today…
