So. I’m larking around on ICQ tonight, off the almost permanent eye of privacy and what do you know? Several spanish speaking pervs interrupt my nice chat with lovely little conversation starters like “Tengo sexo!!!” This has been going on for almost five years, I should be used to it by now. But why are they all in spanish? It’s driving me nuts! I say as much to my chat partner (an argentinian who ta-da! speaks spanish). He goes on to inform me…
But wait. Some background first. -Disclaimer- My username (shell) is my real name (well, nickname). It’s the super short version of Michelle. It’s what everyone eventually calls me. It’s both fast and easy to type and unpretentious. I use it alot.
Anyway, my chat friend very politely informs me that my username is the latino porn reference for female genitalia. Kind of like walking around with giant red ‘c**t’ sign on my chest. Well gee whiz, I sure don’t remember anything like that from spanish class.
After beating my head against the monitor, I thank my friend for the information and wrap up the conversation. What to do? Change my username? Weep from mortification? Drink myself retarded? All of the above?
I didn’t want to say anything before, but your username has always gotten me hot. Interestingly enough, I’ve always had the strange urge to talk dirty in Spanish whenever I saw it, I just never knew why before…
Now that I know I just want to say: Sientate en mi cara y meneate.
Hey baby… how bout I stuff your taco supreme with my all beef burrito… then I’ll flip you over and take your chalupa cheezy style. Your so spicy you make my soft taco turn HARD baby! You KNOW I got the sour cream you been craving and I dont think I’ll be able to hold back till I see you swallow it down.
So what will it be baby? Mild, HOT, or FIRE?!?! Your spicy choice is my desire!!!
Crunchy, if that means what I think it does not only are you a naughty boy, but you’ve been watching way too much Monty Python. On second thought… maybe the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
Tell me what you think it means, and I’ll tell you if you’re right or not. Either way, I’m still naughty. A little hint though, it does not come from Monty Python (which would end the sentence with “And Tell Me That You Love Me”). It’s translated from a line yelled at the screen during the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
And as for watching too much Monty Python - you do realize what my screen name is, don’t you?
I did think it was sit on my face etc. It’s been many years since spanish class and even more since I’ve actually had to converse in it. The one time I went to see Rocky Horror it turned into a riot after the first five minutes of the film… oh well.
Probably a good thing you didn’t use Constable Clitoris for your handle, hmm?
Geez, I thought my username was dodgy. I feel better now.
This reminds me of a situation with a work colleague of mine. I work with a large number of Vietnamese people. One of these guys recently went home to VN for the first time since he left nearly fifteen years previously. So before he leaves, he asks some of the younger Vietnamese guys, “You guys have been back recently. Can you recommend any good restaurants in Saigon?”
“Sure”, they told him, giving him the name of a place, “when you go there, ask for the Cracked Turtle Soup. It’s a house specialty.”
Now cracked turtle in Vietnamese means, well… what “shell” means in Spanish. These guys were hoping that the older guy (whom they don’t particularly like) would be too conservative to be familiar with this particular slang. They were right. And boy was he pissed off with them when he came back. heheheh
I’ve hung out with a lot of Mexicans, and I’ve never heard that.
It’s kinda funny, though, that animated film ‘The Road to El Dorado’ had a character, voiced by Rosie Perez, named Chel (pronounced ‘shell’). Quite sexy for a cartoon - coincedence or not?
It’s actually the Spanish word for shell (concha) that is slang for vagina and when used that way it’s the rudest form of the word so it really does translate as the “c” word.
When I was in Jr. High in the late 70’s there was a large influx of Iranian immigrants in the school. The big news in sports was the boxing championship between John Holms and Jerry Cooney which they thought was hilarious. It was a rough Jr. High full of gang banger punks. The gang punks used to call each other “homes” (short for Homeboy) and as it turned out, “coonie” is Persian for “asshole.” Homes vs. Coonie!
You know I love you, Hickie.