Everyone’s seen that show “Inside the Actor’s Studio” (or at least the hilarious Will Ferrell SNL parody of it), right? Let’s hear some of your answers to the questionnaire he gives at the end of every episode…
What is your favorite word?
What is your lease favorite word?
What turns you on?
What turns you off?
What sound do you love?
What sound do you hate?
What is your favorite curse word?
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
What profession would you not like to participate in?
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
What sound do you love? a band that I’m waiting to see tuning up
What sound do you hate? screaming kids
What is your favorite curse word? suck
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? architecture
What profession would you not like to participate in? telemarketing
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "The orgy pavilion is to your left; the library is to your right; and the bar is straight ahead."
What sound do you love? hearing my dog lapping up water from her water bowl, the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees, the first autumn rainfall after a long, hot summer
What sound do you hate? grating, rasping sounds
What is your favorite curse word? dammit sonuvabitch!
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? teacher
What profession would you not like to participate in? social worker
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Walk right in!
Can we cross-post this to the BBQ pit? James Lipton is the most pretentious sod ever to absolutely reek with the stench of failed actor. I can’t stand this guy and I think this questionairre sucks because every actor answers it in virtually the same way. Here are the traditional trite responses with mine in parenthesis:
Favorite word - Yes (Serendipty)
Least favorite word - No (puke)
Turn on - A smile (demureness)
Turn off - A frown (golddigging)
Sound do you love - Sound of children laughing or sound of door opening ( Sound of an arrow hitting a target)
Sound hated - Sound of a child crying and sound of a door closing (slurping soup)
Favorite curse word - Fuck, inevitably followed by hysterical laughter from audience (fuck)
Profession - director, but in some ways I already am (spy)
9 anti-profession - gravedigger (actor)
Heaven - Welcome (There must have been a clerical error)
3. What turns you on?
The smell of a girl’s skin. Or my clothes after she’s worn them.
4. What turns you off?
Feet.
5. What sound do you love?
Laughter.
**6. What sound do you hate? **
That raspy cough that long-time smokers have.
**7. What is your favorite curse word? **
Any variation of the word “fuck.”
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Politics
9. What profession would you not like to participate in?
Clergy.
**10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? **
“What the hell are you doing here? You’re not due here for YEARS!” Or “Finally, someone who knows what’s going on!”
What is your lease favorite word? Nuance (Boosted from the movie “Diner”)
What turns you on? Understanding
What turns you off? Being Stuck in Traffic
What sound do you love? Ragtime Piano
What sound do you hate? Car Brakes in need of Repair
What is your favorite curse word? Goddamnit!
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Music, no doubt
What profession would you not like to participate in? Any job in our justice system. From clerk to corrections officer to lawyer to judge etc… What a horrible, inefficient, time-wasting industry
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? What a skeptic!
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? intelligence
What turns you off? hypocrisy
What is your favorite curse word? fuck
What sound or noise do you love? cello
What sound or noise do you hate? a fork scraping against teeth
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? astronaut
What profession would you not like to do? waiter
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Don’t worry, there’s nothing personal, everybody was wrong. Oh, and don’t try to do everything in the first week, you’ve got eternity.
What is your favorite word? jib-jib – a word my dad uses to describe just about any physical object. Can also be shortened to just “jib” or lengthened to “jibrahaa” (not sure of the spelling on that one).
What is your least favorite word? There are many, but let’s start with “cleanse.”
What turns you on? Intelligent, dark-haired men.
What turns you off? Deliberate stupidity.
What sound do you love? A train in the distance. (I think it’s cool.)
What sound do you hate? The sound of a bus releasing its brakes (I think) – that really harsh, shrill rush of air.
What is your favorite curse word? Dammit! (I love the way it explodes off the tongue.)
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Entrepreneur
What profession would you not like to participate in? Road kill picker-upper.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “It only gets better from here.”