Inspired by whistlepig's thread: Translate the "line"

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay. I, poor sod that I am, thought that “I’m seeing someone” actually meant “I am currently exclusively dating another person,” as opposed to what I see it now means, which is “I just don’t want to date you.” And evidently, for whatever reason, “I’m not ready for a relationship” means more than “I am coming off a long relationship and am not ready to start over,” and in fact means “I do not foresee wanting to be in a relationship with you.”

Next, I bet you’re going to tell me all those girls in grade school didn’t compulsively wash their hair every night or something . . .

So are there any other lines I should be aware of that do not actually carry the meaning of the words in them? I.E. things like “I’m seeing someone” that do not mean you’re in a relationship with another person? Here I am an innocent, naive college student who has never actually heard that line, but mostly that’s because I never put myself in that situation. And I think it would be useful to know some of this stuff:)

2

When Mrs.Spritle says “At some point”, (At some point, could you take out the trash?) she really means “right now”.

Similarly, as I learned from a previous relationship, “nothing” means “something big, which is all your fault”. To wit,

Me: “What’s wrong?”
Insane Manupilative Back-stabbing Cheating Bitch I Was Involved With For Far Too Long: (not that I’m bitter) “Nothing.”

3

Don’t let them fool you, punha, this is very delicate territory. For example, few people know that when a beautiful girl tells you “That’s it! I am getting that restraining order!” it actually means “You secretly turn me on. Put on your night vision goggles and hang around outside my bedroom window so that I can change into something more comfortable for you.”

As you can see, it’s not nearly as intuitive as one would imagine.

4

I have learned through sheer embarassment that “Are you going to wear that?”, depending on the inflection, can mean anything from “I want to fuck you now, you look so hot” to “Please, God, do not wear that or I will accompany you with a bag over my head.”

Or, you know, some stuff in between. But usually those are the two it can be.

5

“Why don’t you drive” actually means “If that booger you’re sportin’ comes off in my car I’ll be forced to sell it so let’s take yours instead.”

Glad to be of help.

6

What about “Not tonight dear, I have a headache” !!! That’s gotta be the most overused excuse I’ve ever heard (or she’d better have a GD brain tumor!)

Another one is “Wow, that’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
I happen to know that line is complete BS…

7

Thngs said by women to men and what they mean. From the dictionary of personal experience:

It’s not you, it’s me = It’s you. Big time!

*You’re so sweet * = you’re a helpful sap who does stuff for me but you will never see me take my clothes off. Now, excuse me while I go off with some beer-stained biker in black leather who will get to fuck me as much as he wants, and who will also treat me very badly and then I’ll come crying back to you and want you to support me, as a friend. But you’ll still never see me take my clothes off.

I’ll think about it = I won’t think about it. I just want you to stop talking to me and go away.

I don’t want to spoil a great friendship = The thought of you naked just makes me want to laugh out loud in your face.

I DID try to call but I just couldn’t get through… some sort of fault, I guess = I didn’t call you because I didn’t want to, never meant to and frankly would rather suck diesel fumes.

It’s a difficult time for me right now, and I can’t really explain. Please just try to understand… besides, I’m really tired, can’t this wait? = I’ve been lying like a skunk all along and I’m running out of semi-plausible answers, damn you.

8

Oh no . . . I get this ALL the time.

9

Can you feel the bitterness? Can you feel it?

I just want to be friends. - I have no interest whatsoever in you, and furthermore I respect you so little as a person that I want to keep you trailing after me everywhere like a lovesick puppy, destroying your self-esteem, making you feel like an unattractive loser… and I will claim I did this because I “didn’t want to hurt you.” Or maybe I just have an aversion to saying the word “No.” That would be so… honest.

Now you can feel it, can’t ya? :smiley:
-Ben

10

But it’s not you, 'punha… oh wait, yeah it is.
“Maybe later” of course means “No, not in a million years. Now quit buggin’ me”.
-Rue.

11

Uh, Hi, this is Whistlepig. My thread wasn’t intended to be a primer on how to lie, it was asking for a nice way to say, “I really am not interested in dating YOU.” I’m out of practice for turning down dates (hasn’t happened since, oh, 1983.)

LAMPHUNA - "And evidently, for whatever reason, “I’m not ready for a relationship” means more than “I am coming off a long relationship and am not ready to start over,” and in fact means “I do not foresee wanting to be in a relationship with you.”

Yes, it can mean more. But the message means the same - “No thank you.”

LAMPHUNA - “So are there any other lines I should be aware of that do not actually carry the meaning of the words in them?”

Nope, just listen to the message underlying the words. The message may be truthful, it may be a white lie. The intent of the speaker is to not make you feel bad. You may never know whether they are telling a lie. But don’t dwell on it.

LAMPHUNA - “Here I am an innocent, naive college student”

So, how YOU doin’?

Sorry.

LAMPHUNA, “who has never actually heard that line, but mostly that’s because I never put myself in that situation. And I think it would be useful to know some of this stuff:)”

Uh, guys lie. They lie for different reasons, but just stick to the message. Don’t take it too personal. If a guy lies to you, blow him off. Tell all your friends. Bring it up in public. That way you can teach him at an early age. :wink:

I just wanted some advice on a nice, non-hurtful way to say, “I don’t want to date you.”, without being so blunt.

The one lie you really have to watch out for is “I borrowed my roomate’s vascectomy, so we don’t have to use a condom.”

Again, sorry. I didn’t mean to post a thread that made you paranoid. It’s just been awhile since I got asked out by a woman I wasn’t interested in, (or any other woman) and was trying to come up with a nice way to say, “No thank you.” that made the other person not feel bad.