If it happened.
Not sure I agree. I just looked at my texts and was surprised at how many back and forth texts I exchange with friends, just trying to plan things. And 40 (if that’s not an exaggeration) within 1 hour must have been a bunch of short texts since they didn’t take long to write. Even a thumbs up emoji gets logged as a text message.
Example:
Wife: Hey
Friend: What’s up?
Wife: Was thinking of taking jr to an xmas program
Wife: Do you think your kid would want to go too?
Friend: What kind of xmas program?
Wife: Muppets on Ice
Friend: When?
Wife: December 17 or 18th
Wife:: Boys will love it
Wife: /xmas emojis/
Friend: What time?
Wife: 2pm
Friend: I’ll ask the wife if it works.
Wife: /thumbs up emoji/
Friend: How much are tickets?
Wife: I’ll look
Wife: $25
Friend: Ok I’ll lyk
Wife: Wait sorry, they’re $35
Friend: /emoji with $$ tongue out/
Wife: 
Friend: Forgot to ask, when does it end
Wife: 5pm
Friend: Got it
Wife: Lmk as soon as you can cause tickets are selling
Friend: Will do
Wife: Also forgot to ask how your diabetes is
Friend: Better
Wife:
Friend: Thanks
Wife: /thumbs up emoji/
Friend: But now my cholesterol is high
Wife: /thumbs down emoji/
Wife: How high?
Friend: 290
Wife: What’s the breakdown
Friend: 
Wife: HDL, LDL, triglycerides
Friend: /nurse emoji/
Friend: I’ll check
Wife: Ok and lmk asap about tickets
Friend: /thumbs up emoji/
That’s 40 texts right there. Of course it could also go like this:
Friend: I just woke up thinking of you
Friend: If you know what I mean…
Wife: I know exactly what you mean
Friend: I have a raging boner
Wife: I can help you with that
Wife: /devil emoji/
Friend: #%^@&(
Wife: &*%$#
…
I won’t go the full 40 for the sexting, but just pointing out that after reviewing my own texts, you can exchange a whole lot of texts with someone innocuously and say very little.
I would 100% agree. She’s going out if her way to hurt his feelings. She’s either banging this goof or she’s doing her best to make hubby think she is. Time to move out and get a divorce. Been there, done that and yes I know, easier said than done.
He’s checking her texts, telling her who she can talk to, getting mad at her because the father of their child’s best friend feels comfortable talking about medical issues to a FNP, being deliberately rude to the guy, and she’s the one being abusive in your eyes?
That bitch, making him act like that!
As opposed to, say, talking to your wife? If it were me, I’d tease her relentlessly about this guy who clearly is in love with her (because, who wouldn’t? My wife is soooo hot!), and maybe gauge her reaction.
You don’t happen to enforce strict lotion rules under threat of the hose, by chance?
Please do! Having read your last thread and this one, I have no intention of offering you advice (anything I could say has been said and ignored already), but rest assured I eagerly await the next installment.
.
She is behaving completely normally. He’s trying to control her friendships and relationships.
You should take this a step further. This guy is either fucking your wife or trying to fuck your wife, just for part time fun. And this jerk has shown complete and total disrespect towards you. You should turn the tables on the whole situation, and fuck *his *wife. I know you say she’s a nutjob, but that can actually be a lot of fun if you have the right attitude. Believe me, you will be tasting the sweet nectar of revenge!
Are you the parent of a school-age child? Possibly on the PTA? Because there are weeks where that is my wife and my life. And yes, the “What uniform were they supposed to wear today?” texts start at 6 in the morning.
Naah, his issue clearly isn’t really with the guy, it’s with the wife.
His only real recourse is to seduce the guy away from her. It’s the way it’s done in my culture*.
- that I just made up.
I haven’t checked mine in awhile, but I would say the last time was maybe some time last year when I was checking up on my son. Verizon definitely had it some time in the previous decades, at least.
I don’t often respond because I can’t really post from work, although I can read the threads.
There are some areas of this country where men addressing other people’s wives, or women conversing with other people’s husbands, is viewed with grave suspicion. It is seen as a personal affront by the other spouse and a serious breach of etiquette. I’m not talking about Saudi Arabia, either.
It has even informed some street interactions where one of my female friends addressed the male of another group, and his girlfriend glared with hatred. It was not a nice part of town, either, and the situation could easily have gotten dangerous. Suffice it to say that there are different expectations of social formalities and when these styles clash, tempers get high.
There was something else about this OP though. Confusedguy is deeply hurting, bewildered, and angry, asking if he has a right to feel the way he feels. He’s trying to sort things out, as we all do when we are upset about something. I don’t fully support his acting out with the other guy, or swearing on the SDMB. There are other ways to resolve conflicts and one can learn those techniques over time like any other skill.
I think he and his wife need marriage counseling because even though he has no right to “control” her, she might be contributing too.
I’d go further actually. I think the % of people who really wouldn’t be bothered by what OP says* happened is pretty small, though there’s a perhaps significantly larger % who feel they should pretend they wouldn’t be bothered by it. It probably varies by region and subculture but again counting people who would be bothered by it but feel it was something they shouldn’t be bothered by, maybe not so drastically.
Neither my wife or I would do that and expect the other to accept it. It’s just not appropriate for a husband/wife in our view, relatively older relatively culturally conservative people but not way outside the mainstream.
That said I agree with the seemingly unanimous sentiment that the way to address this isn’t to tell a spouse who they can interact with and how, the other spouse has no right to do that, and it wouldn’t solve anything anyway. But there’s a problem here that OP’s not imagining IMO (*again assuming the story itself is not imagined… ).
*let’s leave aside whether you believe it word for word: disembodied voices on the internet the cut of whose jib you like (most posters don’t like OP’s it would seem) relaying accounts you find believable could just as easily be making it up.
I guess I’d be very curious about the contexts in these incidents. Do none of these people have jobs or hobbies/interests apart from their spouses? If Amy bumps into her colleague Bob while grocery shopping, do their respective spouses really get incandescent with rage just because they chat for a few minutes?
His previous wife-related thread might shed some light on the situation.
That said, I do admire your compassion. I fully admit that I am not an objective viewer here; I lost a deep and meaningful friendship because of a jealous and insecure husband who acted like confusedguy, so I’m not inclined to be charitable. Sorry.
What exactly do you find unacceptable? Your spouse having a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex?
We’re never going to get a decent answer to this question.
All I have to say is that any partner of mine who tried to control who I talk or text to and who I spend time with would find themselves looking for another living situation post haste. I’m a grown ass adult and NOBODY has standing to tell me I’m texting with someone “too much.” Maintenance and protection of my primary relationship is my responsibility, and if I feel the need or desire to step outside that relationship that’s my business and I’ll be the one to take whatever fallout there may be. If my partner ever DARED to brace someone I was friends with to warn them off or whatever the fuck again, new living situation gonna happen. I do not allow people to wield that kind of abusive controlling power over me. Did it once, never again. Controlling assholes suck and should not be encouraged. If the OP thinks his wife is spending too much time with her male friend he can talk to her about it then decide whether or not he’s going to continue in the relationship. At NO point does he have standing to demand she amend her contact with other people to suit his narrow requirements. If you don’t trust your partner then why the fuck are you with them? Get on down the road or grow up.
The whole situation as described. Again I think there’s some small % of people who’d really be OK with it, and a larger % who would say on a web board they’d be, or even pretend it’s so strange in their enlightened view to be uncomfortable with it that they need to ask 'what? you wouldn’t be ok with that, why!?! but the great majority of spouses would not be comfortable with it, IMO, IME, YMMV, etc.
Someone would be looking for a new living situation, but not who you think.
How nice of you to be so comfortable speaking for the great majority, even if they wouldn’t admit it on a message board.
There is more than one sick strain in our culture, so I wonder if you have thought more deeply about the implications of a society in which the vast majority of people are insecure, controlling, abusive assholes.
Jealousy does exist, but it’s not something to be proud of or defend. It’s something to battle and destroy.