To keep the question/issue as unclouded as possible, I will put it very simply.
If three people are friends, and two of them are a couple, is it appropriate or inappropriate for the other friend to call the opposite-sex friend more often than the same-sex friend?
I guess that doesn’t sound simple at all. Reads like a damn word problem. “A train going at 45 mph…”
Okay. Female Dopers, if you and your man were equally good friends (read: met at the same time, friendship developed equally all around, generally hang out as a threesome, etc.) with a woman, would it bother you if she called your man more than you? Or if the conversations were longer with him than with you? If she text-messaged him more frequently?
The same question goes to the male Dopers. Would you care if your mutual friend seemed to call your honey more than he called you? Or seemed to talk to her for longer periods of time? Whether you’re present or not?
It’s important for the sake of the question to note that there is plenty of contact on all sides; these people are all equally good friends and hang out together. The question is restricted to phone/text/IM/whatever contact.
This is not a case where you have a friend and then they become friends with your SO also, through you; your and your SO met your friend at the same time and the friendships developed at the same pace.
I’ve gotten varying answers on this from my own friends; there seems to be two main viewpoints. One view is that a friendship between people of the opposite sex can be asexual (or at least honestly platonic) and it shouldn’t matter because the three people are all equally good friends, so who cares. It’s a silly question. It sounds like you’re asking for “permission” to talk to your own freakin’ friend, or that you should avoid them under certain circumstances (like “I saw something my friend would think is funny–I need to tell him about it” and then you think, “Wait, maybe I shouldn’t”) and where’s the sense in that?
The other viewpoint is that, out of respect for the feelings of the other guy/girl in the couple, care should be taken never to show too much interest in their other half. So, for instance, if you’re a girl and you’re friends with a couple, don’t call/seek out/text, etc. the guy more often than the girl, even inadvertently. It’s all about respect for those unwritten boundaries. No sense even planting the seed of curiosity about your motives. This should be common sense.
I am genuinely curious to see if there is a consensus on this, or if opinion will fall equally on both sides.