Ok here’s the skinny. I responded to a personals ad, and we agree to go out bowling as a “first meeting IRL” activity. Lame perhaps, but you can actually talk, and get to know one another, so I figured it was a good pick.
She’s 24, and lives at home, and her father wants to meet me before I take out his daughter on a date (I’m 34, and have no disfiguring scars or anything else obviously weird about me, so I’m not too worried). The thing is, I really don’t feel comfortable showing up at some strangers house and going inside. So I suggested that all three of us meet at a public place (safety and all), and I suggested dinner at a restaurant.
Am I being paranoid or unreasonable? I say nay, but I’m a bit overly cautious at times.
Let the opinions fly, and please be blunt.
Although if I were you I’d be suspicious that this woman’s father is still vetting her dates at her age. Even if she lives at home, it’s a little strange. So long as you’re meeting her in a public place–which should be pretty standard for any internet date–it should be a safe way to meet someone.
More than reasonable - you’re being careful for the two of you. Who knows, you could be a knife wielding maniac that they might not actually want in their house after all!
When I met Emofkuniv (Mr Honeydew to be) the first time, he insisted he meet my Dad before anything else - he felt it was only right.
I think her Dad is just being careful of her and you’re being careful of yourself - no harm in that at all. I’d be more worried if neither of you had any concerns.
There is a general protocol with internet dating. One is that you never meet for the first time in a non-public place. I don’t know how much you and she have talked, but…
-you answered the ad and suggested meeting in a safe public place
-she suggested you come over HER house first
-alone
-to meet her ‘father’
This is not how it works. I did this once, picking a girl up at home rather than meeting at the safe location. As I was walking up to her door, alone, in a strange neighborhood, I felt like the stupidest person in the world, just begging to get beaten and robbed. She, OTOH, got into a car, alone, with a guy (me) she didn’t really know, and I’m sure she felt the same way. It was a bad date, the worst I was ever on.
Agree to meet both of them out at a Starbucks or something, before going bowling. A restaurant is ok, though do you really need to hang out with dad for an entire meal? You’re dating her, not him. Chatting over a cup of coffee should be more than enough for him to meet you.
Thanks All! I initially agreed to meet at her house, and then all those warning bells started going off, and I suggested another location. I’ll let you know what happens.
Yo. My friend once had a similiar request, showed up at the lady’s house only to get mugged by the “father” and his bat wielding buddies. So, I would never meet up anywhere but a public locale.
Additionally, this violates geek protocol. IRL first meeting are always public.
Shrink:
Um, something doesn’t seem quite kosher here. She’s 24, still living at home, and Daddy screens her dates? Whoa. Now living with them, on it’s own, and in this economy means little. Not being able to go out on a single date without Dad involvement screams a lot of things, very few good.
Now, we don’t know for certain. And we’re not going to give out diagnoses or analyze. But, a number of other people got their red flag sensors raised in this thread, which is a pretty good indication that it is outside general practice enough to warrent examination. If it were me, I’d be on the lookout for family emeshment, or overinvolvement in her life. I’d also keep one eye open for the possibility she’s looking for another Daddy, not an equal partner. And hey, if you’re down, that’s OK.
My advice all around:
Take this puppy slow. Might be a whole lot of weird underneath that rock.
To all those wondering about having the father meet the perspective suitor - think of it this way: He’s probably as wary of all those “freaks on the internet” people hear so much about. She may be apprehensive aout a first meeting, too. Nice to have someone you can trust at your side just for the introduction.
I lived at home when I was 24. I wasn’t “still” living at home, but I moved back in after a few months in California to get my feet back under me.
My SO lived at home for a year when he was 28 because of crushing credit card debt.
So, living at home isn’t a sign of a deranged mind. She probably asked her father to screen you so if you were a freak she could blame her dad on why she wouldn’t go out with you.
No, living at home isn’t a sign of anything,necessarily. But having your Dad screen your dates?
Doesn’t this girl know the cell phone trick? Whenever I have an IRL meetup or date with someone I don’t know well, I arrange for someone to page me. If I need to escape the date, I claim emergency. If I am with a serial killer, I use a code word (has yet to be used, thankfully). If the date is going well, I send 'em to voicemail. Several dates of mine have also employed this trick, which leads to a minute of “heh, you too?” when both our phones go off right about the same time.
I agree with StGermain that she, and her father, are probably justifiably wary of some stranger from the internet, and it sounds like reasonably precautions to me. But I’d also agree with the people who think the father may be a little overprotective, and I’d recommend meeting in a public place for a drink rather than a meal.
Why don’t you take someone along too, to vet THEM?
OK. Here’s the skinny. It turns out that it wasn’t her father that wanted to meet -me- but she wanted me to meet her father, as she is “a little old fashioned”. We ended up meeting at the bowling alley. It turns out she works at a company, where both her father and one of her sisters work. She thought it would be ok if I met her father another time.
Inkleberry- I was concerned 'bout the same kind of situation, but it was more like the pawnshop scene in Pulp Fiction. Also, what is “family enmeshment”?
To All- Thanks for the advice and validation of my concerns.
Also- Hi Skittles! Didn’t know you were still reading the boards. Hope you are doing well.
