Yeah, I’m sure there are tons of threads already on this subject. But I tried doing a search, and my connection kept freezing up. So I’m giving up and starting a new thread.
What is your opinion of internet dating? My best friend’s new internet girlfriend-her mom has forbidden her to see him, because of the safety factor. They’re both consenting adults (he’s 20, she’s 19), have talked on the phone several times, have met once, and have talked online for almost a year. Personally, I can’t stand her, but hey, that’s his decision. I know several dopers are in relationships, how did your friends/famly feel about the subject at first? Anyone have any really strong opinions one way or another?
Be careful. I’ve found most people are pretty honest about themselves when it comes to internet dating. That said, sometimes you have to ask them pretty specific, blunt questions to get those honest answers.
Always ask for a picture right away. If they don’t send you one within one or two emails, then there’s something wrong.
Do not get too personal (via email/chat/IM) before actually meeting the person. I’ve found that getting to know the person gets you emotionally vested, and makes the date, when it finally happens, all the more difficult if you/her are disappointed.
Most people in the internet dating scene are, IMO, looking for a good time (and sometimes a bit desperate, whether they’re willing to admit it or not), not really a lasting relationship, despite anything they say in their personal ads.
So, if all this isn’t a problem, then I don’t see anything wrong with internet dating at all. It can be fun, and there are plenty of success stories around.
The internet is definitely a great way to get new pen pals. Most of the people you meet online will end up as such, and my advice is to not shun that type of platonic relationship, because you never know which one of those will turn into something more serious. The more casual friends you have, the better.
Some people have commented in other threads about the problem of meeting people in your own area. Most Personals websites do have geographical search filters. But your geographical preferences may very well be ignored by people who want to get in touch with you. Like the time I put a personal ad on a Spanish-language website hoping to meet someone in L.A. , and soon I was drowning in messages from other countries. (That story is here.) Still, it was flattering and fun. I got some good pen pals out of it, and there’s still a chance for romance.
The bottom line: internet dating, including internet personal ads, can be fun and exciting if you’re open to the experience and don’t limit yourself with artificially stringent expectations. In the month I’ve been doing internet personals, I’ve made some new and interesting friends, I’ve gone on one date (with a woman who was very overweight but pretty and nice), and I got stood up once by a woman who claimed her ex-boyfriend had threatened to kill himself. Overall, I would say I’ve had a pretty positive collection of experiences, and I’m not even finished yet.
I would recommend keeping the relationship online just long enough to make sure the other person ain’t no psycho, and then meeting IRL as soon as possible. Above all, don’t be judgmental or superficial, and be courteous and respectful. If you’re not willing to go out with nice people whom you’re not immediately physically attracted to, it may be awhile before you find that “perfect” person. I answer all messages, I don’t cut off contact for superficial reasons, and I’ll go out at least once with anyone who seems sane and decent and otherwise non-threatening, no matter what they look like.
Of course, those are my rules, and I’m male. For a female the rules may be different of necessity.
Am I the only one who read that and thought, “your best friend is getting rooked”? I do not claim to be clairvoyant, but something about the notion of a supposedly 19-year-old woman allowing her mother to dictate who she can and can’t see is simply jumping up and down on my panic button.
In fact, I’m just about ready to open up a pool on how old this girl really is. When I do, the ages of 14 and 17 are already taken (the house does get to bet first, right?)
Well, I’m probably a couple months from getting engaged to a woman I met on the net.
I used a specifically Christian board, so there was basically a major pre-screening going on right there, just because of the type who would bother using it.
I resisted it for a while, but finally I couldn’t come up with any good ideas among the women I knew, at least those who would do any more than talk casually to me.
No one really reacted weirdly to it. I think of it like this: It’s even less weird than getting set up by your cousin with her friends. You have a lot more interaction and more chance to screen before actually meeting.
That’s all it is - a chance to screen. The rest is up to you.
But what if, like me, you are an idiot and don’t know how to put your picture on a computer?
But to answer your question, I think internet dating ends badly 90% of the time. I’m sure there are people with happy endings, but with my experience and my friends’ experiences, someone always ends up disappointed. Physically or otherwise.
When they asked how we met, I evaded and subject was dropped. Then my neice’s husband asks my SO and he tells him how I answered his online ad. He tells his wife(my neice), she tells her mother(my sister). Will my sister tell my mother? Will my mother pretend she didn’t hear correctly? Hispanics can be very non-confrontational. Tune in later. This could get ugly. My parents like to pretend I don’t date at all, much less date a person I met online and he’s white, too.
We chatted a few days and met IRL and I thought “Oh, yeah, I can do this”. So it’s been nearly 6 months and it gets better all the time and I can see him in my life from now on.
Go to a Kinko’s and ask to use their scanner. (Read the posted instructions rather than asking for the employees’ help, it’s a lot cheaper.) Save your scanned picture on a floppy, and make sure to convert it to .jpg or .jpeg if the scanner program gives you that option. Then put the floppy into your home computer, and when the “Drive A” icon appears, click it open and click-drag your .jpg photo over to wherever you want to keep it. (It’s easiest to just keep it out in the open, on your desktop.) Most Internet Personals sites will let you “browse” for wherever you’re keeping your picture, just make sure the address is in the window and it will upload. To send your picture by email, use the “Attachment” tab to browse for your photo. You can also insert your photo into Word if you want to adjust the size, and then just copy-paste it into your Internet window. Also, Mac OS has a “picture-taking” feature where you just do apple-shift-4 and you can get a snapshot of anything on your screen, which will be automatically saved to your HD. HTH, if I see your photo on the People Pages I’ll know one of these strategies worked.
I think the best strategy is to go for friendship rather than romance, meet the other person as soon as you’re sure they’re not crazy or dangerous, and go for quantity rather than quality of experiences. That way you’ll be too busy having fun to be disappointed by any one experience.
In getting to know a young sweet local coed recently she said as part of her background that she had a few one night stands. I couldn’t figure it out.
Then another young lass this week told me her friend put an ad for her at Yahoo Personals & in one hour got 30 responses from guys.
I went to check out her ad & in the process saw the ad for the first coed, so that explains how she found one night stands. Im gonna ask her when she gets back tomorrow.
Which is about the same if not better than people you meet any other way.
The concept that meeting people on the Net is any different from meeting people any other way is just silly. I have come across some paranoid women who say “Oh, I would never send my picture to someone over the Net” Well, do you cover your face when you walk out n the street? Because streets are full of people you don’t know and they get to see your face. The idea that people you meet hanging out in bars are any better or any different from people you may meet online is just plain silly.
I have made a number of friends online and they are just like any other people, with their interests, their personalities, their problems etc.
>> But what if, like me, you are an idiot and don’t know how to put your picture on a computer?
If your problem is scanning them, you can mail them to me and I will be happy to scan them for you and return them.
I guess the issue is that people on the internet can misrepresent themselves much more readily than in real life (not that one can misrepresent, but it’s much easier to do so on the internet). The other issue is that you miss out on all the nonverbal language that goes on in getting to know someone face-to-face first.
Leaving that aside, one would think that just because you met on the internet first doesn’t make it that much different than if you had met at Safeway first.
Safety is always an issue anyway, but just more so because of the misrepresentation potential.
I’ve had two good experiences with internet dating. The first one was a year ago when I had a very pleasant fling with a gal I met on ICQ. I moved 1000 miles away for a new job, and I wasn’t willing to do the “long distance” thing, so we called it quits.
The second was through Yahoo Personals about 3 months ago. We exchanged two emails, then switched to the phone. We had amazing chemisty and lots in common so we agreed to meet for dinner and a movie. Keep in mind, at this point, I’d NOT seen her picture… just her verbal description.
Long story short… she was gorgeous, best looking woman I ever dated. We saw each other for a couple of months, and got somewhat serious. In the end, it didn’t work out… but that’s another story.
Maybe I’m an exception, but I’ve had pretty good luck with it. I do advise that everyone get a picture first and meet in a neutral place for the first date.
That was my first thought too. But he’s met her once, and she really does appear to be 19. She just lives at home, and is therefore stuck with her mom’s rules still. My second thought was that this is her way of getting out of the relationship (it’s pretty convienent for her…, but Rashad’s convinced that she has good intentions. I still think she’s a punk…
