Thanks a whole fucking lot. Now my wife is convinced I have a sock account under the name of “Sauron” and that I just made up the kid to throw her off.
My husband is notorious for being in the wrong lane on whatever street/interstate/highway/parkway we’re on and I’ve watched him, more than once, completely miss the exit or the turn we need to take to get where we’re going. This includes coming home or making a trip we’ve made many, many times before.
Yet, I can’t take over the driving because he claims he gets motion sick if he’s not driving. So I have to resort to subtle hints because direct instructions are met with consternation and indignation. For instance, “our exit is coming up you need to be in the right lane” is met with…well…no reaction at all, as if I’m talking to a brick wall. It’s a stony, accusatory silence. Occasionally he’ll say with much sadness “why do you doubt me?” with a pitiful pout.
While if I manage to pose it as a question “honey, weren’t we going to take Lee road?” or the very simple “where are you going” usually gets a better response. He still misses the exit but at least he’s not angry/sad about it. At this point he usually claims he’s found a new short cut.
I’m sure he has some fine qualities. Yes, most certainly he must have.
I am not exaggerating.
Apparently the ‘squirrel’ gesture really is more widespread than I thought.
Unless I’m you.
I don’t know what it is about cars. MY SO, who already watches me like a hawk too much, goes overboard in the car. Excuse me, I AM DRIVING. He is the world’s worst backseat driver. I’ve tried repeated times, asking nicely, asking politely, away from the car, shouting, begging, to make him stop, but he’ll stop for a while and then just start it up again. I’ve been driving for almost twenty years. In that much time I’ve never been at fault in an accident and I’ve had ONE speeding ticket - six months after I started. I think I’ve got this. Yes, I see that car. No, I won’t hit the garbage can.
I’ve learned to bite my tongue 99% of the time, but when he MUST say something when someone else is being an asshole and I am defensive driving, I do snap sometimes. I am busy here! I am protecting us from that crazy asshole driver! It does not behoove you to shout WATCH OUT FOR THAT CRAZY ASSHOLE DRIVER!
It’s a good thing she didn’t see a bunch of horses asses over there.
My wife does this thing…I’m driving along, and all of a sudden she yells, “You have to turn right here” (and points left). I turn right. Now it’s my fault we’re headed the wrong way.
I keep praying that the rumble seat will make a comeback. I wonder if they make limos where the glass divider goes front to back instead of left to right?
My cousin Linda made direction-giving history once; I was visiting her and we decided to eat dinner out. Linda was navigating as I drove, since I wasn’t familiar with her city, and at one point said “You needed to turn back there.”
I never drive when my husband is in the car. He is the worlds worst passenger and when he’d like to have a drink when we’re out and wants me to drive home I always insist that the deal includes total silence. The alternative is jail for me and a plot for him and I don’t think I’d do well in jail 
Without these conditions and regular reminders he cannot stop himself from suggesting a better lane than the one I’m in or an alternate route, or a different speed or “Didn’t you see that car” or all of the above.
From my gf, I get directions of the form “you need to turn …uhm.. [right|left]”, where the “uhm” part of the sentence starts at the last possible moment when it is sensible to not know which direction you are about to turn, and ends when we are halfway through the intersection. At least long enough to scream “‘Uhm’ is not a direction!” five times in my head.
Also, “you need to turn that way”. “That way” is a direction that is only determinable by looking at the person and seeing which way she is pointing. Since drivers in cars typically look forward, and my gf is seated in the passenger seat, and not on the hood, this presents a problem.
Aries28 and I are clearly not related. “No one touches or startles the driver” was drilled into our little heads from our earliest passengerdom. And I was a kid before car seats and seatbelt laws. My sister and I used to stage Broadway worthy musical productions on the back seat…but we did it quietly.
If my husband was talking while driving and I noticed a hazard I thought he’d hadn’t seen I’d say “watch that truck” and point because I have that left/right thing. He’d either say “saw it” or “thanks”.
I don’t miss riding in cars that he’s driving at all because in my opinion he doesn’t leave nearly enough following distance. Also, you know when you’re on a highway and there’s construction, and a big orange sign that says “left lane ends 1 mile”, then 1000 feet and polite, conscientious drivers are merging in a polite conscientious way? Then some dillweed comes flying up the left shoulder at full speed and basically wants to cut in line? And you think “who’s this jackass?” My husband. My husband is that jackass. I called him on it a few times. Never got anywhere. That’s not why we’re not together anymore, but it’s also not one of the things that I miss about having him around.
I think this is sufficient evidence to nominate Google for the Nobel Peace Prize for their work on the self-navigating* automobile.
- Can an inanimate object be a self?
My ex used to say “Well, you can turn right or go straight.”
Dammit, decide!
My husband gets really, really annoyed at me for inhaling audibly through my nose when he’s driving and someone is pulling some dumbass maneuver that might cause a fender-bender. It’s involuntary, plus I have sinus issues so it’s probably louder than a similar intake of breath would be in others. I do it when I’m driving and a similar thing happens too.
He apparently thinks it’s a warning to him and/or statement of doubt that he can handle the situation. Which isn’t so, as he knows he got us out of a near head-on collision that would have killed us, by a split-second pull-onto-shoulder-now-back-in-lane move that neatly got us around someone who veered over the yellow line.
I think the last time it happened, he grouched at me something to the effect of, “Trust me!” I came back with something like, “I trust you but not them!”
I’m really trying to stop it, but my lizard brain first wants to get me the hell out of the car but settles for pulling in enough oxygen to do whatever it thinks we need to do next.
I had a boyfriend did the same thing. Finally, after attempting to talk to him more than a few times about his behavior, I tried a new tactic. We were driving to a friends house, heavy traffic, etc. He started to tell me what to do, so I pulled over to the shoulder, put the car in park, and just sat there. “What are you doing? What’s wrong?” Are you driving, or am I? Shut it.
I ended up pulling over three times on a 30 minute drive.
Suffice it to say, the relationship did not last much longer.
My Sauron experience, which I will never live down: Driving home from the cabin, TheKid’s dad was the passenger. We’re tooling along on nice quiet country roads, sun shining, good conversation, when he suddenly yelled “DUCK!”
So I ducked.
While driving.
Didn’t hit anything, thank heavens. He just wanted to point out a bunch of ducks on a pond.
It was a very quiet rest of the drive home, other than his random sniggles and snorts.
Mrs R has what I think of as the Gesture of Power, a sort of sweeping imperious sort of…thing. She once did it by accident while we were sitting at a stoplight and I automatically began to start through the intersection even though the light was still red.
She has now been forbidden to use the Gesture while I’m driving
In all seriousness I try and limit my comment to “Is there a good reason why we’re tailgating a loaded cattle truck?”
I love him far too much to do this to him, though I have said “Would you like to drive?” on occasion. Plus I’m sure I do stuff that annoys me out of mind.
I don’t like when he drives, though. I keep my mouth shut, since I know what annoys me, but occasionally he’ll complain that someone is not letting him into the lane he wants to change into, and I will politely say, “Well, you don’t have your turn signal on. He has no idea you want to be there.”
Heh. My dad, who is in his 90s now, wasn’t always the best driver. I remember once in heavy city traffic, Dad cut his blinker on, waited a moment, and then merged into the next lane. He wasn’t too concerned about the car which was actually occupying the space he was moving into, and which had to slow down sharply to avoid being hit by our car.
I was about 10 at the time, riding in the back seat. I said, “Dad, there was a car in the lane - you almost hit it.”
Dad’s response: “I had the light on him.” In Dad’s mind, because he’d turned on his blinker to announce his intention to move over, the other car was obligated to give him space to do so.
I should print this thread to give to my students and their parents
Do you teach married husbands how to be loving, kind and patient, and outstanding fathers to boot?
If so, you have my permission to print and share this. Be sure to use my real-life name, though: BradHugh Pitt-Jackman.