Wife and Traffic

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear wife,

You called me to find out if the roads around where you’re stuck in traffic went through.

As soon as I found where you were, you had passed the turn off. I told you the traffic map said is was green.

But you said it was too late, and you were taking the road that was black/red (dead stop). I told you to turn around and take a side road.

You said that you didn’t call for directions, and you didn’t trust my map. I pointed out it was exactly why you called, and it’s the only map I have.

So now you’ll be an hour later, just because you’re too stubborn to take the green road I found for you.

Again.

Next time you want directions: stop. Follow my instructions. Quit bitching.

Love, your husband.

2

You’re pitting your wife?

Really?

Sounds like a lovely marriage you’ve got there.

3

Buy a GPS.

4

Yeah.

He’s lucky its that damn good.

If you are going to be a dumbass that won’t listen to the solution to the problem you asked help for…shit yeah you deserve to be pitted.

5

Oh, come on.

6

For reals. I just discovered a free app for iPhone that offers real time traffic info and will route you around a problem it identifies. What is this, the 90s?

7

She has GPS and traffic on her phone, but didn’t use it. Still not home. She was only 3 miles away, and it’s been 70 minutes since she set out.

8

Get those strippers out now dude! She’ll be home any minute!

9

She just wanted somebody to talk on the phone with and bitch about traffic, and then you went and offered her a perfectly reasonable solution to get out of the traffic problem and ruined her whole plan. And the correct answer to her question was, “I don’t know, but I’ll start something for dinner so it’s ready for you.”

Either that, or she’d rather spend 2 hours in an airconditioned car listening to the radio then at home.

10

How is she at math?

11

Just shut the fuck up.

12

You aren’t begrudging a fellow poster their inalienable right to tear down a fellow poster for the bare minimum precedence, are you?

13

I’m glad you weren’t in the car with her. I’ve witnessed that kind of conversation many times… “should I use A, or B?” “A, B is broken/needs washing/whatever” “OK, I’ll use B” “… ehrm, excuse me, may I ask why do you ask me if you’re just going to do what ever you feel like it? And may I ask why are you using B, which is clearly and visibly broken?” “Oh but I didn’t know it was broken! Oh! Ooooooh, so that’s why it doesn’t work!” “refrains from killing the other party”

14

I’d bet she thinks one inch equals 5 miles at the very least.

15

OK… For the first time ever I agree with Oak. That you took the time to PIT your wife says too much.

16

What else is the man to do with all this free time? The wife isn’t home giving him a blowjob or fixing him dinner and bringing him his martini.

17

I agreed with Oak, not the OP.

18

I know you did.

That was a joke son.

19

Sorry, long day.

20

Were you stuck in traffic on the way home by any chance? :slight_smile: