Bummer for you.
Never an issue for me, since after my parents broke up, all the men my mother dated for the rest of her life were black. Our whole family were the “nigger lovers”.
stoid
Oh, and by the way, I am half of an interracial couple myself: white/asian. I virtually never think about it; I’m more conscious of the fact that we are an inter-generational couple as well: he’s 15 years younger than I. (To top it all off, he’s also 170 pounds lighter, being nearly as painfully thin as I am terribly fat. But We’re both working on it and someday we’ll meet in the middle, we hope)
The only time I become self-conscious about our racial difference is when I am with his family at gatherings. In full family gatherings I am one of only 2 or 3 white faces in the crowd. It feels a bit odd.
This is a non-smoking area. If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and act accordingly.
When this issue first came up in our family some 24 or so years ago, I smiled sweetly at my dad and said “You always said he had to be Catholic. You never said what color he was supposed to be!”
-Melin
My stock answer was “if skin color is that important, I’ll go back to my ex-wife.” That usually shut my family up pretty fast.
Besides, after my sister discovered that her husband was a gay transvestite, there just wasn’t a whole lot left to shock anyone in the family anymore.
Seriously, the problem (assuming your family is not just out and out racists) revolves around the “different” perception. Different also being “not as good as us.” Fortunately, Mrs. Kunilou is far more middle-class and middle American in her outlook on life than I am, (and was more successful in her career when we got married) so my family adjusted to her pretty easily.
My sister married a black man in the late '70s, in the Los Angeles area. My mom (who is from South Dakota) was a bit reticent about this union at first, and my dad (a native Angeleno) was concerned about the crap he’d get from some of his racist co-workers. One of our aunts refused to come to the wedding, but soon regreted that decision.
But, all-in-all, my family accepted my sister’s husband well. My parents were very wise people, and once my sister was married, all their voiced concerns STOPPED. They figured, he was a member of the family now, and they accepting him 100%. (I was in high school, and I thought the whole interracial thing was totally cool.)
Looking back, I think my sister took a chance. In her case, it paid off well. However, not all interracial relationships work out, because of all the outside crap they get from assholes. While this is a sad reason to not want to get involved in an interracial relationship, it could be a factor for some people. I cannot fault someone for deciding that they do not want to have that extra burden on a relationship - relationships are hard enough as it is.
In my sister’s case, I think she made an excellent choice. She was also wise - she was engaged to her husband for several years (until they both got out of college) before she married him. I think that was a smart move in her case - waiting to make sure that this was the guy for her, and waiting until they were both more financially settled.
Her husband (while having his quirks, like everyone) is a good husband and father. Their two sons are growing up well-adjusted and happy. They live in an area of Southern California where they do not experience a lot of crap for their relationship.
It is ironic, because when she was dating her now-husband, a good friend of hers was dating a white guy, from the “right” sort of family, a member of our church, etc. There was a certain amount of tittering going on that my sister was dating a (gasp!) black man, who was not a church member. Then, after a few years, my sister’s friend’s husband turned out to be an adulterous, abusing drug user. She divorced him eventually. My sister’s marriage thrives. Such irony, huh?
Well, I think that if your happy, thats all that should matter.
Love Always and Forever,
Heather Lee
XheatherleeX@aol.com
Good GAWD, Orangecakes!! Either you’re someone I know, or this happens far more often than I imagine…
If you don’t mind me asking, are you still married to him? How do you feel about, jeez, all of the above? Did you know any of that when you married him?
“ChrisCTP-…the sweetheart of the SDMB…” --Diane
Chris’ Homepage: Domestic Bliss
Presuming you want to reply to that at all, if you’d rather do it privately, my email is available… it just occured to me that you may not want to go divulging every aspect of your private life to 3000 strangers.
“ChrisCTP-…the sweetheart of the SDMB…” --Diane
Chris’ Homepage: Domestic Bliss
I am a child of an interracial marriage (half White/Filipino). The only flack any of my parents got was from my dad’s mother. She was upset my dad didn’t marry a Filipina (She claimed my mom married my dad for his money. No offence to dad but what money? He’s a federal employee!).
My gramma took it upon herself that if she didn’t contact us at all it would hurt us. Wrong, it only hurt my grandmother. I remember not seeing her for at least 6 years in one stretch. My mom was perfectly happy to have her come over but my grandma had to be the one to make contact, since mom didn’t have a problem with grandma. My grandmother has started to warm up to my mother after my grandfather’s death, but we still remain a bit distanced from her.
Anyway, i never had any problems with people telling me “Oh but aren’t you confused?”, or people staring at my family when we went out to dinner. Mostly because of the great diversity of my hometown (there are many different ethnicities). There are a lot of interracial marriages here also, because we are near a former military base, and a lot of the older soldiers settled down here permanently.
What do you mean, strangers ? Hey, we’re all friends over here (group hug, I suppose ?) !
Seriously: I am amazed that this is still such a biggie in the Land of the Free. While interracial relationships may be frowned upon by some hillbillies over here, the majority of The Netherlands wouldn’t give it a second thought. I dare say it even makes other races more approachable (I know, a dangerous term) in a way. If you’re in a predominantly white community, and your niece starts dating a black guy, it’s a great opportunity to learn more about cultural differences and similarities, thus narrowing the gap a bit.
That is, if we’re all that different to begin with. In the end, we all have the same problems, joy, fears, sorrows and pleasures, right ? Just keep that in mind, and you’re in the clear as far as I’m concerned.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
I am white and my wife is Filipina and we have had absolutely no problems at all. Even here in Lincoln, Nebraska, we’ve gotten zero stares or comments. When I introduce her as my wife, I can honestly say I’ve never gotten as much as a double-take as a reaction.
To say my parents have “accepted” her is totally inaccurate, they really love her to death (I’d be hard-pressed to say they even notice). We figured there might be a problem with my grandparents, but they didn’t seem to care at all (neither set). Nor have any of my extended family in Massachusetts and Nebraska… or hers in Hawaii and the Philippines.
My wife and I have tried to figure this out when the world seems so neurotic about racism, etc. Maybe it’s because she’s Asian? Mail-order brides excepted, there aren’t too many negative Asian stereotypes. Additionally, she doesn’t look as “different” from whites as other races, so perhaps my white family would notice more if she was black or hispanic?
We figure the main reason is that my family is above making such generalizations. Plus, she insists she is just too irresistible to garner any negative thoughts 
Another question: Do black parents get upset when their children go out with whites? What about in interracial relationships that don’t involve whites? My wife some of her friends’ parents would crap if they went out with a black guy.
“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument” - William McAdoo
I think that because you are posing the question, you are not certain about your decision.
Certainly love should be color-blind.
But never make a commitment for life if you are not sure it is the right thing to do.
It’s good to see so many open minds out there (not that I had any doubts about you guys).
Like I said in the OP, I’ve already made my decision (quite some time ago, in fact, and have the ring to prove it). I’m quite happy with it. I was just trying to rattle some chains and see if anyone had similar experiences to share.
We’ve travelled extensively across the US, and found the fewest stares and muttering in Hawaii (no big surprise there). A far cry from the starkly divided Motor City where we currently reside. It’s nice to hear from people with pleasant experiences throughout the country.