I’m curious to know what people think about this subject. It’s a “Great Debate” in our household. Please take a look at both scenarios below:
You are a manager and you have a new employee who has no family in the state. He or she is married. Do you invite them to Thanksgiving with your family? Why or why not?
You are a manager and you have a new employee who is single and has no family in the state. Do you invite them to Thanksgiving with your family? Why or why not?
If your answers to the two questions are different, why?
After a couple of people have answered, I’ll share my and my husband’s opinions.
There are two holidays in America where it is practically mandatory to invite people to celebrate with you if you know them well enough to know they are going to be alone: Thanksgiving and Christmas.
It makes no difference if they are single or married. They may not accept the offer, but at least you tried.
Why should it make any difference whether the employee is married or not? It’s a false assumption that married people automatically “must have in-laws somewhere” that they’ll want to be joining for holidays. It’s an equally false assumption that singles have “nowhere else to go”.
I don’t see why marital status should make a difference. Sure, the single person will be more lonely, without even a spouse to make the holiday merry. But even a couple can feel lonely if they’re used to spending Thanksgiving with family or friends.
I wouldn’t say it’s obligatory to invite either, but it would be a very nice gesture, and I wouldn’t draw any distinction between inviting a single person or a married couple.
Hmm, I think this is one of those your-mileage-may-vary things. In my family, it’s practically mandatory not to invite anyone unrelated, unless you are thinking of marrying them. To be quite honest, it wouldn’t even occur to me to invite somebody I knew only through work – it’s a family time, and in any case I wouldn’t dream of inflicting some of my relatives on anybody who didn’t have to be there.
Of course, it’s a nice gesture if things work differently in your household, but I would never regard it as an obligation.
Single/Married makes no difference. How close are you to the employee? Would he/she feel obligated to go out of a sense of business duty? Do you think of yourselves as friends-who-happen-to-work-as-manager-employee or manager-employee-who-happen-to-get-along-reasonably-well? Is the employee hinting that she/he wants to be asked?
The more potentially troubling thing for me, at least, is that one of the people in the scenario has professional power over the other. If the co-workers were on the same level, then inviting them over would be more palatable, but as it stands, it could turn a nice thanksgiving into some awkward work situation/duty, which wouldn’t be good for anyone.
How is that possible? Is their SO visiting their parents for the holidays? Incidentally, I have gotten many invites from people I work with and I am married. I decline because for right now, I enjoy spending Thanksgiving with my wife.
I did go to a Thanksgiving with a coworker of hers once. I will never go to someone’s Thanksgiving again that I am not related to.
At any rate, I would probably invite them in both scenarios. However, keep in mind you are probably going to make that person feel uncomfortable.
I would only invite this person if you know then reasonably well. Oh, and I agree. It seems to be practically mandatory to invite someone over who you know will be alone for the holidays. However, I do know some families that would make the person feel like an outcast. It seems like the polite thing to do, but some people can be very selfish about the holidays.
Obviously there’s no one answer written in stone for your query – nor do I think civil status has much/anything to do with it.
As a divorced man who lives far away from any close family, I’ve been in that position myself more than once. And I can tell you I always felt grateful towards the people that invited me to share in their Holiday. Which is not to say I’ve always accepted as there are also other issues to consider, such as the level of comfort you feel with the person who invited you, or maybe that you’ve already made other plans. One can always gracefully decline.
Again, I am not aware of any hard and fast rule, but from my end I can tell you that the actual gesture is always appreciated.
I didn’t mean invite the husband over without their wife (or vice versa). I meant: “Do you invite the couple?”
I grew up in a military family and it was, as PunditLisa says, “practically mandatory to invite people”
I think it is shameful to just let someone be alone on Thanksgiving… Now, I’m not saying you should FORCE them to come over, but at least offer a sincere invitation.
Well, I think that separate from the issue of Thanksgiving protocol, there is the issue of marriage protocol, and it seems to me that if you want to invite someone and your husband doesn’t, then your husband should win.
My dad did that about, oh, two years ago. An intern at the funeral home he was working at was on call so he couldn’t go home for dinner. My dad had him come over to our house for dinner-which said intern was very happy to do.
(couldn’t stop raving about my parents’ cooking).
It’s not a “married/single” or even a “he says/she says” problem, it’s a “the boss is uncomfortable inviting one of his employees over for Thanksgiving dinner.”
Go with Hubby on this one, Can. He knows his work situation better than you do, and he probably has a good reason (that he doesn’t want to tell you) for not wanting to socialize with the new employee.
We always have at least one “stray” for Thanksgiving. If nothing else, the hubby’s usually-combative family seems to cool it around newbies we drag in. It’s restraint disguised as Christian fellowship.
