So for the last year or so I have been plagued by a quiet fear that I am, for some reason, unable to have children. Let me explain…
I am in my twenties.
I am NOT in a relationship. I am NOT trying to get pregnant. I’m not sure I even WANT kids or that I would be a particularily good parent.
It’s more like “do I have the biological capacity to reproduce?” When I mention this to my friends they just laugh.
So…I run to my new Doper family to ask the question…am I crazy or is there some psychological reason for this?
Do you have any biological basis to think you couldn’t conceive?
I’m sure there are some expensive tests you could undergo.
Or Prozac.
But seriously…
Personally, I’d place my bets on you being fertile and advise taking the necessary cautions unless you really, really need proof that you can, indeed, get knocked.
You’re not crazy. Everyone has those little nagging thoughts that buzz around their brains while trying to sleep, or pop into their heads mysteriously while driving, or in whatever random situation. My advice is to wait it out, it’ll go away if you can keep from dwelling on it.
If you’re REALLY really worried about it, can’t you get tested?
Check the viability of yourself?
I’m not a doctor or anything though, but phobias are weird things, man. You can get phobias over nearly ANYTHING and Everything. Yours is not an unfamiliar one (I’ve heard of others with this fear as well- more girls than guys more often- a biological clock thing maybe? No clue.), but I really have no clue here for advice or suggestions other than you’re not alone in your fears.
But if it really worries you, this is a fear you can go and get checked out. Good luck though.
I felt that way the first time I was married. In my case it was slightly justified, as we were married for three years and never conceived. (a good thing in the long run) But I started to think it before I had any real reason.
As it happens, apparently it was the first husband who had the problem, since I have three kids and he has none. (which is a good thing in the long run, too)
I don’t think you’re strange, and I’m sure you’re not alone. Try to relax, and if it gets too bad, talk to your Gyn. I’m sure it’s a question that comes up fairly often, and s/he should be able to tell you if everything looks normal, at the very least, even if you don’t want to go to the trouble and expense of further tests.
Oh, one may buy OTC kits to check if one is ovulating, but if a woman’s menses are even marginally regular, the safe assumption is that one is ovulating.
No insurance company will cover a fertility workup unless there is demonstrated inability to conceive after at least a year of trying. And most insurances won’t cover fertility workups at all.
And most docs won’t test for fertility unless a person has failed to conceive after trying, in the standard fashion.
So, getting tested really isn’t an option.
To the OP: Thoughts like yours are normal. But if if thoughts/fears of infertility are giving you trouble functioning, see a therapist.
Unfortunately, there seem to be approximately a gajillion ways to NOT be fertile. When we had conception difficulties, El Hubbo had to have exactly one test. I had what seemed like an unlimited number. The top two are apparently frequency and regularity of ovulation and the state of the fallopian tubes. The former, at least 35 years ago, was tested by a tedious temperature monitoring for several months. The latter was tested by a hideous and painful procedure that I wouldn’t have undergone for any other reason besides the possibility of death. It involved forcing a substance that would show up on an xray or some such thing through the cervix, uterus and fallopian tubes. It was not. fun. at. all.
My wife was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, didn’t have periods unaided for over ten years, and was told she “probably” could never have more children. It took me three months to knock her up. Don’t worry about it.
At your (our) age, you get inundated with thoughts of fertility all the time. Your friends might be having kids now or are trying to conceive. You think about fertility when considering mates. Heck, I think about MY fertility all the time and the last thing I want on earth is to have kids. But it’d be sooo nice not to have to be on The Pill or use condoms (in an STD-free monogamous relationship, that is). I think about fertility as much as I think about sex, because for me the two go hand-in-hand.
And for every story you hear about people being infertile, you hear just as many “I was on the pill/had my tubes tied/used condoms and still got pregnant” stories. Both sides of the issue can be just as scary. And there’s abortion issues, adoption issues and on and on.
I can totally see where you’re coming from. It’d be so much easier to know “yes I have an X% chance of getting pregnant any time I have sex” or that you can’t get pregnant at all instead of always wondering what the chance may be.
I have my periods very irregularly - maybe four times a year - and my doctor has always reassured me it won’t interfere with my chances of having children. (Not that I’ve tried yet.) I wouldn’t worry too much, Miss Jean.
Oddly enough, for years I was terrified that I WOULD be fertile and WOULD conceive a child.
So although we are diametically opposed in our fears, it doesn’t seem to me you are crazy at all.
I misread the thread title. I thought this would be about wacky fears difficult for others to concieve of. Like my fear of umbrellas and moths.
Hope you can still get a bun in the oven!
I also feel that I’m infertile, but I’m not bothered as I don’t plan on having children. I still take birth control though!
I don’t think your fears are all that surprising, Miss Jean Marie. Considering the fact that women are waiting longer and longer to have children, the newspapers and magazines are always filled with tales of infertility and the extraordinary lengths which people go through the remedy it. I think it creates the impression that getting pregnant is a whole lot more difficult than it actually is for a young, healthy person. (Yes, I know infertility happens to young people, too, but is certainly isn’t the norm.) The other things that come to mind: is this fear perhaps part of a generalized fear that life is passing you by in some fashion, and that you are running out of time? Or is it possible that your own uncertainty about even wanting children is somehow making you feel guilty and turning on it’s head and manifesting as a fear that you can’t even get pregnant?