First off, if anyone thinks the title is offensive, I’m totally receptive to a mod changing it or whatever. I’m not trying to stir the pot, I just thought it was kind of a funny term that I heard somewhere once and it seems to weirdly fit my personal issue.
Basically, I have a problem - that I recognize as an irrationality - where I somehow have a pervading disbelief in homosexuality. I know several homosexuals, and deep down I basically can’t believe that they’re really, truly gay - as in, they have homosexual sex and are otherwise living a homosexual lifestyle. For the ones that aren’t in relationships, I just feel that they’re confused and aren’t really gay, and the ones that are in relationships I just believe - even though I intellectually know it isn’t true - that they’re celibate behind closed doors. It’s like somehow my brain can’t reconcile that yes, people you know are gay and do homosexual things behind closed doors.
Does anyone else experience this? It’s a weird cognitive dissonance, because I mean, DUH, I know that people are gay and homosexuality is real and so on - and yet on this weird base level, some part of me disbelieves.
For example, I met a really cute girl the other night - a sort of nerdy, petite intellectual - that I later found out was there with her lesbian partner. The partner was a fairly stereotypical lesbian, but the girl I was talking to was the polar opposite - her complete lack of lesbian vibe somehow convinced me that she can’t REALLY be a lesbian, and that she’s just confused and that behind closed doors they must be in some sort of strange but celibate friend relationship or something. I KNOW THAT CAN’T BE TRUE, but I still revert to feeling that way for some reason.
I think this may be due to my very conservative upbringing and the way that I’ve always seen homosexuals portrayed in the media.
Anyone else ever feel this way and then feel irritated at themselves for harboring such irrational and weird feelings?
Look, go over to youporn and set the toggle from “straight” to “gay”. Watch a couple hours of hardcore gay porn and then come back and tell us what you think.
I know watching gay porn isn’t gonna be fun…I mean for real, no sarcasm, you’re not going to enjoy it. But where did all those hundreds of clips of men fucking each other come from if there aren’t lots of men who enjoy fucking each other? If you can’t imagine that nice young man from Will and Grace down on his knees with a mouthful of cock, maybe watching actual gay porn would convince your subconscious mind that, yep, there’s a lot of cock sliding into a lot of male orifices going on.
Why would you doubt such a thing? What possible benefit in today’s world would there be in pretending to be gay? State sanctioned discrimination and the potential for random violence?
I’ve always secretly felt that heterosexuality is a lie. All those straight people just don’t understand the joy and pleasure they’d feel, sharing their lives and beds with someone of the same gender. Guys don’t really want to screw girls. All those children running around are actually the result of artificial insemination, of course, or maybe somebody gritted his teeth real hard and flipped Mom on her stomach.
…
…okay, aside from giving me ideas for a really bizarre Gay World story, I’m not convinced.
When I was about sixteen, not dating, really uptight about being touched or sex or any of that due to childhood molestation, I did kind of have the idea that sex didn’t actually happen. It was some big game, really, and nobody else was really as interested in sex as they acted. It happened rarely, to produce kids, but surely all of my friends were just lying about sleeping with their boyfriends!
When I got more comfortable with my body, my sexuality, and the sexuality of others those thoughts disappeared. I’m sure there are others, like the OP, who’ve experienced something similar in regards to homosexuality. I’d imagine that much like my adolescent thoughts, it has a lot to do with not having a lot of experience dealing with (homo)sexuality and some mild discomfort at confronting the reality of it.
I am far from fagnostic. In fact I have trouble believing anyone’s entirely straight. I mean, I objectify women as much as anybody, but nonetheless I look at Taye Diggs & think, “Yeah, I’d fuck him.”
I find it even harder to believe more women are lesbians. I mean, girls–have you SEEN how pretty some of you are?
I watch my niece and nephew and wonder sometimes if they are gay. I don’t believe me niece is but my nephew might be. It makes my heart ache to think of him growing up gay. Not because he would be gay, but because his father and and grandfather would have a hard time with it. I suppose I shouldn’t judge them like that but they are the kind of guys that try to get him to fight and rough house, that sort of thing. I guess the point I’m trying to make is, either you are or you aren’t. It’s not a disease. In any case, every one is after all just like you or me, just a person trying to make it.
As soon as I saw the thread title, I ran for the virtual popcorn.
This thread is dissapointingly serious.
/on-topic
I am mildly Fagnostic. I have friends who are gay to the core, who I could never imagine with a woman, but on the other hand, one of the guys in my class “came out”, dated a guy for a few months, realised that everyone had stopped being shocked, and went right back to girls.
Some guys think they must be gay or bisexual, when no, they are just horny and like different types of sex.
Definitely not “fagnostic”, but I wonder about the prevalence of the lesbian-until-graduation phenomenon. I’ve known many otherwise heterosexual women who went through a bi-curious state in their life, or who have had girl crushes they said they would act out if given the chance. Not even the most progressive, open-minded man I know of will admit to a one-time encounter in high school or college, periods of “experimenting”, or even claiming a “boy crush”.
Also, check out some of the free dating sites like OKCupid. There’s thousands upon thousands of bi women, bot very, very few bi men in comparison.
Can we nip this term in the bud? If you’re agnostic, then you don’t believe in something that’s not proven by evidence and logic. What you’re describing is the willful disbelief in something for which there’s an enormous amount of evidence.
I’m not trying to pick on the OP, but anytime someone mentions such a thing as a or the homosexual lifestyle, I tend to have trouble taking them seriously. The only thing that makes gay boys and girls different from straight boys and girls is whom they like to have sex with. There’s no “lifestyle.” As I have no gaydar whatsoever, I never know if someone isn’t straight unless they’re astoundingly, ridiculously stereotypical, or they come right out and tell me.
No, I’m not fagnostic. At any rate, I do not find any problem in recognizing that people do “homosexual things” behind closed doors, because I am not in the habit of picturing the bedroom scenes of my friends or acquaintances, straight, gay, or otherwise.
I’ve actually had several discussions about this. There are many men who will admit to same-sex attractions as well as opposite-sex ones, but who wouldn’t identify as bisexual due to the stigma. Bi-boys aren’t trendy, apparently, like bi-girls.
Personally, I find it difficult to believe that anyone, straight or gay, actually has voluntary sex with men. We’re ugly, smelly, and hairy animals, and any woman with a modicum of taste would be a lesbian.
Not saying that there isn’t a possible disparity in same-sex encounters between (otherwise) hetero women and hetero men, but that given our society, even if there were similar amounts of same-sex desire, men would act far less and admit thoughts or deeds even less.
“I know they are gay, but I believe they are not”? Don’t ‘know’ and ‘believe’ both imply acceptance of something as true? Not only do I not have the same feeling as you with regard to homosexuality, I don’t have this sort of thinking about anything. I’m not even sure if I really understand what you are getting at. Is there some nuance to these words that I’m missing? Does this have something to do with that product that Fabio used to sell? “I know it’s margarine, but I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” FWIW, I’m pretty sure he’s straight.
In all seriousness, if someone were to ask you “Do gay people have sex with members of the same gender?” what would your answer be?
For the record, I’ve never known a straight person who pretended to be gay, but I know several gay people who pretended to be straight.