First off, if anyone thinks the title is offensive, I’m totally receptive to a mod changing it or whatever. I’m not trying to stir the pot, I just thought it was kind of a funny term that I heard somewhere once and it seems to weirdly fit my personal issue.
Basically, I have a problem - that I recognize as an irrationality - where I somehow have a pervading disbelief in homosexuality. I know several homosexuals, and deep down I basically can’t believe that they’re really, truly gay - as in, they have homosexual sex and are otherwise living a homosexual lifestyle. For the ones that aren’t in relationships, I just feel that they’re confused and aren’t really gay, and the ones that are in relationships I just believe - even though I intellectually know it isn’t true - that they’re celibate behind closed doors. It’s like somehow my brain can’t reconcile that yes, people you know are gay and do homosexual things behind closed doors.
Does anyone else experience this? It’s a weird cognitive dissonance, because I mean, DUH, I know that people are gay and homosexuality is real and so on - and yet on this weird base level, some part of me disbelieves.
For example, I met a really cute girl the other night - a sort of nerdy, petite intellectual - that I later found out was there with her lesbian partner. The partner was a fairly stereotypical lesbian, but the girl I was talking to was the polar opposite - her complete lack of lesbian vibe somehow convinced me that she can’t REALLY be a lesbian, and that she’s just confused and that behind closed doors they must be in some sort of strange but celibate friend relationship or something. I KNOW THAT CAN’T BE TRUE, but I still revert to feeling that way for some reason.
I think this may be due to my very conservative upbringing and the way that I’ve always seen homosexuals portrayed in the media.
Anyone else ever feel this way and then feel irritated at themselves for harboring such irrational and weird feelings?