okay as this is an honest posit and i will give full disclosure from where I am coming from. ( which is actually the whole posty!)
I am agnostic going on weak atheist. I started my life raised as a catholic, altar boy junior seminarian the whole works. I left the seminary not because of any philosophical argument but more because I was a young boy missing his mum and sisters.
But afterwards I still received my education in the catholic system. We never dwelt much on the old testament more so on the message in the new testament and the emphasis on love your neighbour etc. well no one can argue with that so I went along with it for a few years. But the more I looked at the basis behind it I couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that jesus didn’t want to offer an alternative to judaism but rather wanted to in his way 'perfect it", I mean as a kid he preached in synogogues and spread the jewish word (so as to speak) in other words his version was jew -lite!
This was the turning point for me.
this meant that the old testament’s god was jesus’ god. All the nasty bestial things that happened in this old testament god’s name was really the same god that jesus was proclaiming as god. All the misogyny, cruelty, barbarism, magic and any other amount of crazy hate … was really what I was supposed to accept and hold in esteem, reverence even! This god demanded it! jesus defended the scriptures , never once spoke out against the murders and attrocities carried out in god’s name…
That was a huge shock to me.
So I did a lot of research with all the experience and wherewithal that a 16 year old boy could muster. ( which was a lot of energetic research but with admittedly poor analytical skills)
but even if as a boy all I found were inconsistencies, horror stories, pure fantasy and pure horror, it actually just left me in the in the end with a feeling of guilt that I couldn’t figure all this out. It was ultra confusing…So I did what most young dudes did at that age.
Completely forgot all about it and got on with my life. religion was for old dudes!
my life over the next decade took me all around the world ( and still does) But opened my eyes to a more more and and even more logical approach to analysing and realising situations. I stopped looking at the bible as a divine recipe for life and came to realise that it was a necessary construct of an evolving species to cover their doubts hopes, insecurities…
It was quite a spiritual experience ( sic) losing the guilt bonds of catholic xianity. quite a relief to realise that I can take responsibility for my own actions based on my own morality and sense of self worth.
okay am gonna die and will to return to the universe as dust, molecules and atoms… and in this sense will be as eternal as the universe itself.
sounds good to me!