Is dating easier in some countries than here?

In My Humble Opinion
1

It shouldn’t be hard for any man to get a date, no matter what he looks like.

(Money isn’t so much a factor as people say–poor guys can go out with poor gals, and I’ve heard of plenty of dates on the bus.)

In my ignorant male opinion, most American women like being treated nice and taken out for a good time. And yet, ironically, most American women will say “no” to a request for a date. I think there are two main reasons:

  1. They think the guy might be unpleasant to be with.

  2. They are afraid the guy might expect something sexually.

The “sexual expectations” problem is very important. My friend told me that in Mexico City he had no problem getting dates. When he asked a young lady out, the most common response was “What time?”

(My friend is not conventionally handsome; he’s kind of a beanpole, and kinda poor to boot.)

I think the sexual expectations make all the difference. Someone can correct me if I’m wrong, but I think there is less premarital sex south of the border, and therefore less fear that the beau will “try something” or expect a payoff.

Ironically, I think this country’s sexual revolution has led to a decline in the dating scene. Women decline dates more often than in previous decades, and fewer guys are willing to keep getting rejected all the time, so nobody goes out.

One solution would be for women to ask men out, or at least give them a very clear “green light,” but even in 2001 most women don’t want to make the first move.

(In all my life, the only women I have ever known who were willing to initiate things this way were…strippers!)

So we’re stuck, halfway between a sexual revolution and a social revolution. And that’s why dating sucks here.

2

I tend to concur with the OP. I have yet to find a woman (even the liberated ones) who have the ovaries to make the first move. Dating was definitely a lot easier when I was in Denmark. There is a much more open attitude about dating and sex than in the United States.

Sadly, it is also true that a woman who makes the first move (here in the U.S.A.) is more likely to be looked upon as a slut, but that is a by-product of warped mentalities on both sides of the fence.

When you consider that there are so many lonely people sitting at home on any given night, that there isn’t some better way for them to meet and enjoy each other’s company is truly tragic. I’m still waiting for the Internet to achieve its full potential in this department.

3

Yeah, I have to say I understand that. As a woman, if I think about asking a guy out, there’s a whole range of thoughts that run through my head…Is he going to be offended that I asked? Will he think I’m too forward? What does he really think of me making the first move?

I’ve done it, and it’s tough. I have a lot of respect for guys, since they are usually expected to be the ones doing the asking.

At the same time, when a guy asks you out, there’s always the wonder of how much he expects to get out of it.

There has got to be an easier way…I say as I sit at home on yet another Saturday night.

4

I, too, have asked men for dates. Knowing how difficult it is, I try to be kind when I have to turn someone down. Usually, if I see it coming, I’ll head it off at the pass by mentioning my SO…“My boyfriend and I…”

Most of my dating experience has been in the US. Personally, the idea that sexual reciprocity is expected has nothing to do with it. If I don’t want sex with that person, I won’t have it, and the hell with their expectations. If I turn someone down it’s because I just don’t think they would be an interesting or compatible person to spend one-on-one time with.

These days I turn people down because I have an SO I’m very in love with & I don’t want to go out with anyone else! :slight_smile:

5

Thank you. I’ve been on the receiving end of that many a time, and, for me at least, it is the best way to handle it!

I have been asked out by a woman exactly once, and though she was beautiful, spontaneous, intriguing… and seemed to be very interested in me… I was too shy, too much of a wuss, and too generally inexperienced with dating to be of much use. Within a week, she’d disappeared off the face of the earth. (Much longer pity-party story omitted. Maybe some other time.)

There are very few things I’d want to go back in time and give my former self a dope-slap for, and that’s one of them.

6

I have been thinking about this some more, and I am more convinced than ever that the sexual revolution has ruined American romance and dating.

It SHOULD be that dating is fun and not serious – you SHOULD be able to date a wide variety of people, getting valuable social experience, without anyone getting jealous or hurt. When you stick to one person exclusively, that’s called “being engaged.” Or “being married.” There used to be no such thing as “cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend.” Even my 1970’s health-class textbook agreed – it recommended against “going steady”!

However, now that sex is such a strong possibility in any dating relationship, people approach dating a lot more cautiously and seriously. Now dating is considered a “relationship,” and “commitment” is demanded. (Geez, get married! That’s yer commitment.) Once you’re dating someone, you can’t date anyone else. Asking someone for a date is a real serious thing, like asking them to marry you but not really. Women have to hem and haw before accepting a date, because any date could potentially lead to pregnancy/disease/jealous possessiveness/stalking.

So, if you’re not prepared to make a “commitment” which will totally dominate your life for months or years, you may as well stay home. Worse, people often feel they have to stick with the person they happen to be dating at the moment, and never get to experience all the different and interesting people out there, and therefore never get to make a really well-informed choice when it’s time to get married.

Shows like “Change of Heart” and “Temptation Island” are ridiculous. Who cares if someone dumps their current boyfriend/girlfriend for a different boyfriend/girlfriend? It would be much more interesting if they were tempting engaged or even married couples!

Is it just my imagination, or is dating better in the conservative Midwest (where people have less premarital sex) than on either coast?

Exclusive relationships with not-quite commitments, and the end of fun – what a sorry legacy the sexual revolution has left!

7

inor–here’s the reasoning from my other thread. What do you think?

8

No idea how that happened.