I’ve found the whole experience exceptionally hard. Is dating just kinda exhausting for you too? For me at least, it’s a lot of effort and time, and most of the time… I get nothing out of it. Just a rejection of some sort from the girl and never to hear from her again ever.
Is it due to misplaced expectations? The male and female libidos being so different? Why is it so horrendously challenging?
PS - Sorry if there’s a forum here for this, but I didn’t see anything on romance and dating.
…Right.
Nopes. It’s just input is misplaced.
What is your purpose in dating? (e.g. is it to find someone to marry? to get laid? to have company doing some activity you enjoy?) I don’t know if the “modern context” has anything to do with it or not, but if you and the person you’re going out with aren’t on the same page as to why you’re dating, it can certainly make for an unsatisfying experience.
I think i just asked if dating was still something people do.
I noticed you said girl … maybe women would be better for dating…
I’ve never been good at the ritual of dating, I feel like there is all this pressure on me to fulfill a role. I don’t like having to worry about what to reveal about myself and when to reveal it etc.
I always had much more enjoyment and luck out of just furthering the relationship to whatever woman I clicked with in everyday interaction, wanna go see this band? No pressure no expectations, I’ll buy the tickets but you don’t have to sleep with me.
Its not hard to tell whether you two are clicking or not.
Dating is too ritualized and the roles too defined that I always messed up or didn’t enjoy myself.
I think that dating is more difficult in modern society precisely because there are fewer stereotyped social contexts that everyone must follow, which would provide an easy path to meet people, get married, etc. This may be a big part of why it’s easier to meet people at university, etc: there’s already a context to build off.
Modern context meaning the age of Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube… An Axis of Evil if you will. Hence, the modern setting… Is it because actual socializing has gone down the tubes? So, when I make a joke on a date or when I meet the “female,” I’m ultimately irritating the schnoz outta her?
I don’t know… Just seems to me something that should be a lot simpler became more complicated than it needs to be. The reason why I brought up expectations is I don’t feel I can live up to the media produced image of what’s an attractive male - a character of fiction i.e. Mr. Darcy, Edward the Sparkling Vampire, George Clooney, and so on.
Back when I was dating (I’ve been married now for quite a few years), what I found was that dating was hard, until it wasn’t. That is, most of the time it was hard, but when the right woman came along, one that I really hit it off with, then it wasn’t hard at all.
Mainly because at that point there was no guesswork about “does she like me?”, and “when do I call her?”, and all that. It was obvious that she liked me, and I felt free to call her whenever I felt like.
I don’t think overall it’s changed much. If you look at social media, movies, TV, radio, songs, it’s still the same thing as it was 50 or 75 years back. Mary Tyler Moore built her show around how dating sucks, and it’s the same since the 70s. 
I think with the Internet though, things are a bit different. Expectations and the methods are different. I look at my kids and none of them make actual plans anymore. They simply fill in their Facebook pages and if you’re available fine, if not, someone else is.
Don’t worry it’s not you, it’s just the way it is and probably will always be
I have to agree with the OP. It’s a messy and unpleasant business. Speaking as someone who never had a long-term relationship until his late 20s, it’s draining, and demoralising.
I’m about to get married mind however I found it a whole lot easier as I knew straight out that this girl liked me as much as I liked her - because someone told me. If they hadn’t, I would never have been able to read the signals and I’m sure I’d still be single now.
I think there are many particulars that change over the years, but deep down it’s always the same. Society has created a ritual for people to form relationships, and that ritual is designed to create unrealistic expectations and indefinite endings. I wouldn’t want to do it again.
Amen.
I already love you.
I think dating is actually far easier today. With dating sites, social networking, and cheaper travel, people have ability to meet far more people. Attitudes towards racial, cultural, religious, and age differences are far more open. Dating may have been easier back then if you were a White, blonde college co-ed, but it really sucked if you were gay, or if you were not someone who wasn’t highly sought after for one reason or another. In terms of the tools we have to facilitate sorting, they have never been more plentiful, effective, or efficient.
What has changed is that people have higher expectations, and less time they want to devote to the process. People have become more jaded, and less likely to overlook faults or deficiencies. Women also have more choice, and more suitors, shifting the power balance somewhat. That said, I think dating is/can be a far more efficient process. One may run into the paradox of choice, but those are the sorts of problems you ideally want to have.
Perhaps this is what you should focus on and the reason for your troubles dating? I’m pretty sure that after the mentioned three people/characters get a date there are still millions of women left for the millions of men out there interested in dating. Don’t fool yourself, that you feel you can’t compete with “media produced image of what’s an attractive male” can be smelled by most women from a mile away - it stinks of “lack of confidence” and nothing is more unattractive.
I think brickbacon hit the nail right on the head. My 10+ year marriage recently ended when I caught my wife cheating. After a couple months “recovery” time, I joined two dating websites (Plenty of Fish and OKCupid), and the process of meeting women is SO MUCH EASIER than the “old fashioned” ways (e.g., in bars, malls, stores, etc.). Why? Because the “pressure” of having to walk up to someone and ask her out is gone. The fear of rejection is so much less when you are online as opposed to having to deal with it in person. And the sheer quantity of available people who are actually looking is also a huge advantage. I have spoken to dozens of women online, and dated about 15 in the past few months, and I have gotten really serious with one now, so I am no longer looking. I’ve dated more women in the few months since the end of my marriage than I did in the 10 YEARS prior to getting married.
That’s what it is for most people, I suspect.
If she shares your sense of humour, you won’t be irritating her. My husband (who I met from an online dating site) has a very weird, dark sense of humour, but he makes me laugh all the time.
That’s it exactly. I was meeting guys from the online site, and just wasn’t clicking with any of them for whatever reasons, then I met my husband. It was like, “Hey! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you!”
Before I met him (I met him when I was 33), I felt a certain lack of hope for my romantic future. I’ve never been the life of the party, or the hot girl that all the guys chased after; I dated a few guys, but it never went anywhere. People would always say things like, “Cheer up. There’s someone out there for you somewhere.” I don’t know if saying that to you would help or not; if you’re a normal, average person, there probably is someone out there for you somewhere. You may or may not find them. What made me decide to try online dating was that I figured out that the man of my dreams wasn’t going to come knock on my door while I sat on the couch watching tv. If you want results, you still have to put in some effort, and dating is that effort.
Uh, what was the question again? I think I may have gone off-topic. 
you couldn’t be more wrong, the answer is: p_o_s_t_m_a_n!
Or…the UPS man. I always yell around August, ‘hey there, baby, you look HOT in your summer-shorts-uniform’, and he runs away across the lawn like the dickens, it’s hilarious!
I dated for, oh, 20 years. Fell madly in love a handful of times, but it never worked out. I dated and dated guy after guy - no, nope, not that one, no, no, no way, nope…
It was very discouraging. It was feast or famine. If you feel no connection, no emotion, going out just for the sake of going out …well, better than sitting home brooding. “You’re too picky! He’s a nice guy! What’s wrong with him?” I’d hear over and over. Not that I was any prize! (a better question would have been, what is wrong with YOU?)… I was neither ‘normal’ nor ‘average’, which may have been my problem!.. It took a lot of looking until I found my sort-of match, and the eventual marriage also took a long time coming, too. I do wish there had been computer dating when I was young, I could have narrowed the field down. or not.
I’ve met my postman - I’m gonna have to pass, thanks.