My friend and I always looked forward to the idea of moving in together. We get along well, and have a similar work ethic, best buddies, yadda yadda. The first place he moved into was only big enough to fit him and his then-girlfriend. For quite a time, I was really determined to save money and make sure I earned my BA in college, so finding a place for the three of us was put on the back burner.
Fast forward to present day- I’m renting a room on a six-month lease. When I told him I was moving, I suggested we check out three-bedroom places for the three of us to live in when my lease was approaching its end. He agreed, but I’m worried he’s not really on the ball about this
This is going to sound lame, but I feel that him and I are drifting apart. We’ve been really good friends since the 3rd grade, and even right now we only live ten miles apart, but we hardly see each other or even talk on the phone. It has been making me a little depressed, and a part of me thought that if we lived together it would remedy the not-talking-very-often problem.
However, while he agreed my plan was a good idea (save money, live with people we know and trust) he doesn’t seem to be terribly gung ho about it lately. It boggles my mind how he can continue to live in his current apartment, which is extremely small, overpriced, and riddled with bad plumbing. He had once told me that he would move if his rent ever got raised, and that has come and gone.
Meanwhile, I look at my current situation (3 other roomates, all great guys; all of us have different schedules so I have the house to myself 90% of the time, pool in the backyard and nice big common areas) and wonder if moving in with my friend would even be worth it.
I don’t understand who “the three of us” is. Are you talking about him and his girlfriend? Why on earth do you think moving in with an attached couple would ever be a good idea?
That makes it sound like an even worse idea. Their past history makes for the potential for lots of tension when one of them starts dating/bringing someone home to “stay overnight.”
IME bad idea… I didn’t actually live live with a friend, I just stayed at her place a lot - at one point she started banging on about putting in for a bigger house for us to share properly. I wasn’t keen. During our semi-share we’d discovered we didn’t like the same TV programmes (only one TV), nor the same food, we ate at differing times of the day, and our ideas of housework were not the same.
Oh and she had really really bad PMS
I’ve heard other people complain about their flatmate friend’s hygiene not being good enough (yeah but not everyone feels the need to shower three times a day)…
I agree that this is an atrocious idea even in the general sense and much worse when other details are added. The idea needs to be dropped right now if the friendship is going to be saved. This isn’t just abstract musing. I have seen countless friendships fail for good under this scenario, a few become irreversibly damaged but still cordial, and none that I can think of that worked out very well. Other people from all locations and walks of life generally report the same phenomenon.
Living with anybody is hard work. I have one solitary experience of sharing a house - I was twenty years old (which is a good age to be able to tolerate that sort of thing), they were strangers and also really nice guys, and it was a good household. And it still sucked in many ways. In my late 30s, there’s no way in hell I’d share a place with anyone. I am set in my curmudgeonly ways, and I love that feeling of coming home from a day of being nice to other human beings (a decidedly dodgy species at the best of times), and being able to bolt my door shut and be master of my domain, humble as it may be.
I’d never share with friends, as I value my friendships too highly. Family is shitty too. I stayed with my dad for six weeks last year, and was damn near climbing the walls at the end of it.
My best friend is a dude I grew up with. Literally. He grew up 5 houses down, and he’s about 4 months younger than me. We’ve been friends since birth. We moved in together at age 20 and lived together about 18 months, with everyone warning me it would be the end of our friendship.
Those were probably the best 18 months of my life. Save for 1 fight we had because he washed the dishes 3 times in a row and I washed them 0, we never had 1 disagreement or fight. We probably came out of the experience better friends than we went in. Now he’s married with a kid and he owns a house about 3 blocks up from me, and I go visit a couple times a week.
Bringing a couple/former couple makes things weirder, though. My next roomie was great until my girlfriend moved in with us. It made things very tense and awkward, finally reaching a head when I had to ask my buddy to leave because of the tension it was causing between me and my girlfriend. But the happy ending of that story is that he moved in with his parents for a bit, saved some cash, and ended up buying the house right next door to me (and ironically, moved in to that house a month or 2 before my girlfriend and I split and she moved out).
Anyway, if you and your buddy have a history and can be honest with each other and try not to step on anyone’s toes, I see no reason it can’t work out. Brace yourself for some weirdness with the girl, but you should be alright.
Right now you have a good place to live and a great friendship with this guy. I’m not sure why you want to upset the apple cart. The grass is always greener, you know.
I have to side with wasson. I spent 2 years sharing an apartment with a very good friend of mine. It worked out very well for us. It did help that we each had seperate jobs, interestes and classes. We weren’t always in each others hair. The ex-girlfriend as a third roommate would make me think hard though.
I would also vote for, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” regarding your current living situation. As for growing apart from your friend, that happens. My best friend had two kids, and we now see each other about once a year. I think it would actually bug you more if you were living together and you continued growing apart. And if you’re getting a vibe that he’s not too keen on moving in together, you’re probably right.
If you want to spend more time with your friend then spend more time with him. Go to the gym together, have dinner once a week, or just give him a call. You don’t need to live together in order to renew your friendship.
