Recently, the idea of me moving back to Tallahassee came up in conversation. In order for me to afford it, I’d have to get a roommate. My friend Steven has been planning on moving out this summer too, so we discussed getting a 2 BR and splitting costs. I mentioned this to my friend Rashad, and he said that he also needs a roommate, as his current one is leaving in july when their lease runs out. His apartment is very cute, affordable, and I could definitely deal with living there.
Now the problem comes in…who would I be better off moving in with? Nothing’s been made definite yet, but I want to figure this out before crunch time hits and we’re signing leases. They’re both good friends of mine, but I’ve been a lot closer to Rashad for longer. Currently, he’s my best friend. Also, I’ve had romantic connections to him in the past, and he’s mentioned before that a relationship would be possible should we be in the same town. But living in the same house? It might make things awkward if things didn’t work out. Steven and I have no feelings for each other, and he’s very attached to his girlfriend, so she could pose a problem there. I don’t really know her well enough to know if she’s the jealous type. Both would raise questions amongst our group of friends, because everyone would assume we were hookin up, whether we were or not. I could have a really great itme living with either, but I don’t know who to lean towards without hurting any feelings. Any suggestions?
I’m checking in on this topic because I’m moving in with a male roommate next weekend.
When I considered this posibility, I took my boyfriend with me. I wanted him to be secure in the fact that I was considering this a living situation ONLY. I didn’t want him to have any jealousy issues with it.
If you’re considering the roomie with the girlfriend, you’ll probably want to talk to him about it. He’ll know her better than you will, obviously, so he should be able to read whether or not she’ll get jealous. At least that will be ONE aspect out of the unknown.
[taking logical hat off] I’d probably go with the roommate with the boyfriend. As you I think hinted, if the roommate with “hookup” potential goes awry, you’ll risk losing a mate AND a roommate. Probably best to develop a relationship slowly, and move in with each other later when it gets more serious.
However, I’ve seen neither place. I’d probably place a lot of weight on the living area itself, including things like utility costs (hey, it’s So. Cal, and our rates are skyrocketing), distance from work, proximity to gas stations, grocery stores, etc. After all, you need to live and function more than anything.
My sage voice speaks from experience so deep I could be James Earl Jones:
Do not, under any circumstances, live with a person to whom you are romantically inclined.
I could give you a million “whys,” but I’ll just cut to the chase and say that I’m short one best friend because I made the mistake of living with her, and then sleeping with her. Bad idea.
(Naturally, all you married and steady folk are excepted.)
I say you should move in with Steven. Living with someone you have or have had romantic feelings for is (as others have mentioned) almost always a bad idea.
Talk to Steven, talk to his girlfriend (if she seems less than positive on the idea of you living with her boyfriend, start talking about some guy you really like, that will maybe ease things up). If Rashad is disappointed that you don’t want to room with him, just say that you sort of discussed this with Steven first and it’s something of an obligation.
That way, you could have a try at a romantic relationship with Rashad, and still have somewhere to live if things don’t work out. I’d advise against it though, best friends are rare…
DO NOT move in with Rashad! Nothing but problems and heartbreak waiting down that road, trust me-- and others-- on that! Aside from the romantic issues, there are the finacial, privacy and use-of-space ones to consider. Even if you were the same sex and only best friends, I’d counsel against living together. I only have anecdotal evidence for this, but every case of best friends as roommates ended poorly, at least in my experience.
Steven, on the other hand, may be a valid choice. Talk to him about his girlfriend, and meet her if you get the chance. Have Steven present so that she can see that there is nothing nonplatonic happening. If she’s not the extremely jealous/posessive type, she’ll probably be okay with the idea, if she likes you. Bonus: you just made another friend!
Speaking of Steven’s gf, is she moving out there too? If so, perhaps SHE needs someone to share expenses with…
Steve sounds like the better option for a roomie situation. Still, I will give you Spooje’s first acxiom of successful rommmating!
Pick a roommate who is on a different schedule than you are! The less time you spend together in the apartment, the better friends you will be.
If you work days, pick a roommate who works nights. It has worked well for me. Alone time in the apartment is a vital thing.
That’d really peeve my wife if I moved out, or asked her to. :D:D
Just imagine if you’d actually had sex… :D:D
Rent a 3 bedroom house and all of you an move in together.
I don’t know that it’s a good idea for you to live with either one of them alone…especially in light of what happened with Steven.