It’s not creepy or weird or skeevy*. It’s illegal, and for pretty good reasons.
Let me put it this was, say you see a pile of cash in a bank on a cart. Would anone think it would be creepy or weird or skeevy to want that cash? No, but it sure as hell is illegal to take that cash.
Now sure, 18 is not a rock solid line. Plenty of 17 yo who are also emotionally mature enough for a sexual relationship. But the line has to be somewhere, and 18 is a decent choice. If another area would put it at 17, that’d be Ok also, I guess.
*I am limiting this to older teens, fully physically developed.
See the age of consent chart I linked to in post #12. 18 is only the line in very few places in the world - and nowhere in the western world except for a few states in the U.S. The glaring majority draw the line somewhere lower than 18.
I’ve never understood the idea that, if you find someone attractive, you must want to have sex with them. Maybe I just think they are pretty. And I can think 5-year-old is pretty. It’s not that big a deal.
If you actually want to have sex with a teenager in a society where the more’s should have taught you otherwise, I understand thinking that that is “skeevy” (I prefer the word “squicky” myself.) And I think societal more’s exist for a reason. But that reason is general, not specific
And I understand the power dynamic being weird. But I’ve also knew young girls who prey on older men that aren’t as good as separating attraction from sexual desire. One cannot assume that a particular 16 year old is more mature than a particular 30 year old, especially in the sexual arena. It may be true more often than not (hence the more), but that doesn’t mean it’s invariably true.
And then, of course, the idea that a sexual mentor relationship is bad is societal, too. It may be more likely that the mentor is taking advantage of the pupil, but not always. (Of course, many pederasts convince themselves that they are in the productive mentor relationship when they are not, by external evaluation.)
Northern Cameroon. I lived in an area that was partially Muslim, partially Catholic, partially pagan and all the way patriarchal. Forced arranged marriages in the early teens (12 would be young, 15 would be old), often as the second of third wife of an established man in his 40s, were common.
Asking out the cute girl bagging groceries = cool
Going on a sex tour of Bangladesh slums = squicky
I’ve know way way too many people in my life whose entire purpose for existence is to travel to desperately poor places, tell a handful of young girls with no life experience that they love them and will marry them and save their family, fuck them in shifts for as long as they are fun, and leave them high and dry (well, sometimes they leave some cash for an abortion) when they get bored. These girls waste their youth- when they should be having their shy first kiss with the cute classmate behind the bleachers and dancing with their friends and joining the school newspaper or whatever- giving a fat hairy forty year old blow jobs in hopes of a ring and a visa that he knows will never come.
Gross. And wrong. And anyone who gets satisfaction from lying to a teenager for sex is a broken person.
Just because most European countries don’t have 18 as the age of consent doesn’t mean they think adults having sex with children is always perfectly fine.
Stereotypically liberal countries Norway and Holland have an age of consent of 16.
Meanwhile according to Wiki that bastion of progressive feminist thought, the Vatican state, has an age of consent of 12…!
That’s awful. The fact that this still occurs in the 21st century disturbs me deeply. I’m so tired of women and girls just getting robbed of a life. Terrible. How did you manage to cope with those kinds of attitudes while you were there? I know this is OT. Sorry. My email is in my profile if you have the time to share your experiences or if you could link me to a thread where you’ve talked about it before?
I think you can assume the 16 year old is **not **more mature, unless she’s “preying” on a 30 year old retarded man. Why on earth would you say that more often than not a 16 year old is more mature than a 30 year old?
I’m going to play Devil’s advocate and agree with you. I hardly think a 23 year old dating an 18 year old is a big deal. A 23 year old is barely out of college.
People are going on about statuatory rape and forced mariages in Cameroon, but for argument’s sake let’s talk about girls of the age of consent right here in America. It’s totally not unusual for women to like older guys. My 34 year old brother has been dating a 26 year old and I don’t think anyone has ever mentioned it as an issue. When I was in college or my early 20s, there would always be parties where some teenage girls showed up with their older sister or whoever. And every now and then, I still encounter a teenager at some bar who is there with a fake ID or is working there as a waitress or bartender.
What gets weird with teenagers, is that a typical 35 year old man generally does not encounter teenagers in his daily life. So that begs the question “where are you hanging around that you are meeting teenagers?” It conjurs images of Joey Buttofucco or Wooderson from Dazed and Confused crusing the high school with his Camaro.
It goes against the social code. That’s the only reason. We have evolved to a point that responsible, informed consent by both parties is the expectation with regard to sexual relationships.
I think a 16- or 17-year-old girl or boy in today’s America is probably capable of entering into an “equal” relationship with an older person. I don’t believe that most 13-year-olds are capable of it.
The skeevy part, in my opinion, is that an older person would want to spend “meaningful” time with a kid who has limited life experience. The sexual aspect of it is very understandable to me. An older person who always prefers a young teenager to a person their own age has developmental and interrelationship problems. To me, it smacks of a power trip rather than a desire for an equal relationship.
People say this all the time, but I don’t buy it. Personality is so individualized at that age that even making generalities like that strikes me as ridiculous.
I met my wife when she was 17 and I was 21. To this day we still meet people who are shocked to discover that I’m four years older than her. Most assume she’s older than me. And I don’t think anyone’s ever commented on our age difference except for us.
I’m not sure whether wanting to have sex with teenagers really stays with a man forever. As I get older, teenage girls look more —well, young. As in, immature, unripe, incomplete, however you want to describe it.
Maybe it’s just that the age range a man finds women sexually attractive skews young – but still increases as the man ages.
Mature, civilized adults know that there are times when they need to curb their “entirely normal biological predispositions.”
It’s entirely normal to want to punch an obnoxious fella out, for example, or to grab a beautiful woman and kiss her full on the lips. That doesn’t mean that you should feel free to do so.
Actually not so much in “history”. It’s kinda important in agricultural communities to get established somehow, and that often takes men until their mid-20’s. There wasn’t so much prejudice against, it, though, so you did sometimes see 14-year old brides (and husbands) and such. Prehistory, you’re probably right - medical care was almost nonexistant and nutrition poor and erratic, so they got started early.
I’ll agree there’s a difference, but would think it’s rather small on a scale of maturity. Sure these people may be at different stages in their lives, but they still may enjoy the same things (like each other):).
Why do you consider it to be such a huge difference?