So, Thursday I finish bar school. Most of us go to a bar. There, I spend some time talking to another bar school student I have never talked to in the past. We share food and drink (she drinks a few sips from my glass, I eat one piece off her plate). Towards the end of the night, she mentions that she’ll add me on Facebook. Is this the modern day equivalent of “here’s my number”?
She says she’ll leave at the same time as me, since I proposed to escort her, and when we get to the bus stop (we’re going different ways) we say goodnight and kiss on the cheek. Is it naive to think of it as most likely friendly?
I never know if I’m ignoring signs that are right in my face or if I’m engaging in wishful thinking.
The beauty of Facebook, probably a big part of its success, is that it allows people to connect with little clue as to intentions, because it’s so quick and casual.
Why is it important that intentions not be overt? That’s complicated, and is the result of psychology, social convention and other factors. But it just is.
But yeah, in response to the body of the OP, it does seem that she likes you.
Adding someone on facebook can mean so much more and yet so much less then getting a phone number. On the one hand it’s her way of saying “Here, see every picture I’ve taken, or been in for the last few years. Learn every show and band that I like. See me talking causally with my friends, see a list of everyone I hang out with or have known at some point in my life. IOW, observe me as I go about my life. Oh, and you can contact me that way as well”
OTOH, it means less since it’s a lot easier to ignore a FB message then a ringing cell phone. You still have no way to get a hold of her 'whenever you want" but rather, at her convenience. Also, unlike a cell phone number, she can take access to her facebook page away any time she wants.
It all depends on the situation. In your situation, I’d say you likely ‘got her digits’ so to speak (assuming, of course, she adds you).
I have no idea about the girl in your particular situation and in your case it may be, but speaking in general terms it definitely is not. People add Facebook “friends” left and right just for the sake of amassing a collection and feeling good about themselves. You don’t have to actually be someone’s friend (or even particularly like them) for them to add you as a Facebook Friend, let alone be attractive to them romantically.
Again - just speaking generally - don’t let that get you down. By all means go for it if you have a feeling she likes you.
Facebook is meaningless to me…I’ve got “friends” on there that I haven’t spoken to or seen in the flesh for 15 years or better. So it wouldn’t mean much more to me if I met someone and she offered to put me on her FB…I’m all about getting those digits.
Well she definitely likes you as in she thinks you’re ok to hang out with. Does she want to be more than friends? Too hard to say and in that respect getting added on Facebook is not the same as being given a phone number.
If she has her phone number on her account, then it’s pretty much the same thing practically. But it’s not the equivalent socially for the simple fact that she is adding you, meaning you must give (or have given) her the information. So it’s more the equivalent of her asking you for your number.
Of course, that’s not taking into account the social hierarchy, which seems to be Facebook < Email < Number < Invitation to my place.
No, it’s not the equivalent. “Here’s my cell number” is the equivalent of “here’s my number.” However, you may have got lucky.
Also, getting a cheek kiss is never bad, but, don’t know context, etc… I’ve had cheek kisses before from women that despised my very being, but it seems you’re not doing terribly bad. She doesn’t hate your guts, and you appear to be in favor, but, what she said is not in the same league.
Good luck, tho.
Just a note of caution – even if she has posted her phone number on her facebook info page, I don’t think you should call or text, MichaelEmouse. I think it would put her off.
Seems like the next step would be messaging instead of calling in this situation.
What it means depends on the person of course, and the context. If she said that she’d add you on facebook, and you should message her to get together, that means she’s at least interested in seeing you again, which may or may not be in a romantic way. If she just said “I’ll add you on facebook”, with no suggestion of using it as a way to actually keep in touch, well… that’s pretty much perfunctory politeness for the kids these days. Either way, it’s definitely not the same thing as exchanging numbers, which unambiguously means “call me”.
Speaking for myself (as a much older person, which I think makes a difference), if I friend someone I just met on facebook, that’s a pretty good indicator that I’m NOT romantically interested, because I want more control over what and how a person I’m romantically interested in gets to know about me and my life than facebook allows.
“I want to call you” is a little weird. Maybe “if you want to talk some time, here’s my number” or something along those lines. Shows interest without being demanding.
Wait a couple of days Tex before you ask for her number. Better yet, wait a couple of days and ask her out for dinner and a movie etc. Then take it from there.
Do you mean I should ask her out for a dinner and movie before I have her number? I was under the impression that asking someone on a date by electronic means is not at all the best way to do so and that the phone is preferable.
I was thinking of a museum with dinner and movie being for subsequent dates. Her facebook page doesn’t indicate interests.
I would send her a FB message something along the lines of, “I’m planning to tour this museum soon. Would you be interested in coming along? If so, send me your number so we can make plans.”
You’re not really asking her out on a date electronically, you’re suggesting a get-together. You can make it a date when you call.
Dude, asking for a date is out. Formally, that is. Nowadays, you just invite the girl to do something with you. Then make out with her afterwards. Presto, you’re dating!
So ask her out via Facebook message. Have a set time and place that you want her to attend. “Hey, I’m going to see ___ play at the ___. Do you want to come with me?” Get the digits two or three messages later as part of the “great, how will we find each other?” phase of the plan-making. Don’t say that you actually want to call her, as in “I want to talk to you more. What’s your number?” That’s needy and pushy. Just say “OK, I’ll see you at 8 at the left side of the rear bar. My # is xxx-xxxx. What’s yours?”
And yes, she’s totally into you.
ETA: What rhiannon said, minus the “If so…” part. Don’t even suggest that she might not want to go. Marketing 101, man.