Is it "cheating" to sleep with someone else while "on a break" from a relationship?

[Lemur866]

Of course it’s reasonable for someone to say, “Hey, we’re not dating, but if you want a chance of getting back together again in the future, you shouldn’t fuck anyone else.”

Then you have the option of either deciding to not fuck anyone else because you hope that the relationship can be rekindled in the future, or you can tell them to fuck off right away, or you can agree but then meet some really hot person and decide that the chance of getting back together with Person A isn’t worth passing up Person B.

But if you take the third choice, don’t be suprised and hurt when Person A doesn’t want to take you back. It all comes down to how much you’re willing to put up with for the chance to get back with Person A. If you really want to get back together with Person A, and you know fucking Person B makes that less likely, then make your choice and live with it.

The bottom line, breaking up with someone and getting back together with someone doesn’t tend to work out very well in real life. On-again off-again relationships are the height of childishness. Unless both parties use their time off to seriously grow up, then it’s kind of pointless to get back together. And how likely is that to happen?

The real reason it’s silly to agree to remain celibate while “on a break” is that someone childish enough to declare “a break” is someone so childish that the relationship is doomed anyway. Even if you wait, and they take you back, they’re going to make your life hell. So just end it already. “A break” is 7/8th of the way to breaking up, and holding on to the last 1/8 is just going to make you miserable.

[DrDeth]

As Admiral Akbar sez “It’s a trap!” There no such thing as a “break”.

[msmith537]

I don’t see the point of “taking a break” or a “hall pass” unless you litterally just mean take a few days off from seeing each other so both parties can cool off from whatever they are so pissed off about and work their shit out.

If you feel compelled to use a loophole to sleep with other people, maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship.

And really what is the assumption with a “break”? That the guy you are dating is such an idiot loser that he’ll be so sad and lonely that he begs to get back with you? Instead of, I don’t know, running off to Vegas with his buddies and banging the first girl he meets?

@jackdavinci

It’s not cheating if your wife is dead, but it is a bit tasteless to hook up at her funeral.

Hey, you grieve in your way, I’ll grieve in mine.

@FinnAgain

Or you want a Monogamy Plus relationship… monogamy plus occasional cheating. Judging by the way Americans do it, that seems to be a popular option.

I think that option is really only popular with women/men of low self-esteem dating douchebags / whores.

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

@msmith537

I think that option is really only popular with women/men of low self-esteem dating douchebags / whores.

10% of the population are douchebags/whores?

[andros]

@FinnAgain

Or you want a Monogamy Plus relationship… monogamy plus occasional cheating. Judging by the way Americans do it, that seems to be a popular option.

Monogamish.

[andros]

@Really_Not_All_That_Bright

10% of the population are douchebags/whores?

Perhaps anyone who has an affair is by (msmith537’s) definition one or the other?

[The_Second_Stone]

If a woman tells me that she wants a break in the relationship, she is pretty much telling me that she wants to have sex with other men. And the relationship is over.

[hogarth]

@Dogzilla

What if the break is six months long?

Then it’s time to give up hope of getting back together and get on with your life.

I agree with the folks who said whether it’s cheating or not, it still amounts to burning your bridges.

[LeeshaJoy]

Generally, if you have to ask “Is it cheating?”, it is.

[even_sven]

There are different kinds of “breaks.”

One is just an indirect way of breaking up, and yeah, obviously after that you can do whatever. But again, even in a straight breakup, if you every plan on getting back together, it’s going to hurt your prospects if your break-up process was to go out trawling for sex that same day. It doesn’t really say that you valued the relationship, you know? Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who was apparently jumping with joy to be out of it?

The other kind of “break” is when you are taking a week or two to reassess things. I’ve done this in the past and it’s worked. For example, I was in a relationship that was going nowhere for various reasons, but moving quickly into feelings, and feelings were starting to get hurt. We took a break, reassessed what we were looking for, and came back ready to rethink our relationship (which in this case was to put a natural sell-by date on it, but to remain exclusive until that date.) It worked beautifully- with time to regroup and figure out what we needed, we were able to restart the relationship on better terms than we could have if we were trying to negotiate this with all the pressure and emotion in the mix.

In any case, the OP is absolutely seething with misogyny. Jasmine has every right to have a preference in what kind of relationship she wants (as does Crosby) and both are free to find common ground or to move on to greener pastures. If you think Crosby shouldn’t have accepted her terms, then maybe the OPs ire is better focused on him. I don’t see anything wrong with Jasmine not entering a relationship that she doesn’t want to be in.

In any case, I think very, very, very few men would take back a girlfriend who slept with someone the night of breaking up. If I picked up a guy the same night of a breakup, I imagine my ex would call me a slut and probably lose any interest he might have had in reconciling. I really don’t think this is a good illustration of the “women are crazy bitches” theory.

[smiling_bandit]

@Really_Not_All_That_Bright

10% of the population are douchebags/whores?

That number sounds optimistic to me.

@even_sven

In any case, the OP is absolutely seething with misogyny. Jasmine has every right to have a preference in what kind of relationship she wants (as does Crosby) and both are free to find common ground or to move on to greener pastures. If you think Crosby shouldn’t have accepted her terms, then maybe the OPs ire is better focused on him. I don’t see anything wrong with Jasmine not entering a relationship that she doesn’t want to be in.

I think the issue is that she does want to be in that kind of relationship, but would like to control the terms at her pleasure.

[ruthandrews10]

It is simple. If you really like/love your partner, then you wouldnt sleep with anyone else while you are on a break.

[Glottis]

@even_sven

In any case, the OP is absolutely seething with misogyny. Jasmine has every right to have a preference in what kind of relationship she wants (as does Crosby) and both are free to find common ground or to move on to greener pastures. If you think Crosby shouldn’t have accepted her terms, then maybe the OPs ire is better focused on him. I don’t see anything wrong with Jasmine not entering a relationship that she doesn’t want to be in.

Disingenuous bullshit, and not what the OP said at all. No one is disputing Jasmine’s right to make her own relationship choices. The ire is directed at her reaction to the breaking of an agreement she didn’t actually make.

From the scenario described, nothing was explained beyond Crosby being kicked out and her wanting to ‘take time apart’. He may have burned his bridges, but Jasmine had no right to be upset, let alone physically abusive after the fact. If she’d clearly defined the terms of the cooling-off period, and if he’d agreed to them, then her hurt would have been legitimate. As it is, it isn’t.

@even_sven

In any case, I think very, very, very few men would take back a girlfriend who slept with someone the night of breaking up. If I picked up a guy the same night of a breakup, I imagine my ex would call me a slut and probably lose any interest he might have had in reconciling. I really don’t think this is a good illustration of the “women are crazy bitches” theory.

It’s not a good indicator of the health of the former relationship, but if your ex breaks it off they void the right to get justifiably upset with your future sexual escapades. And I wouldn’t want to reconcile with someone who labeled me a slut either.

[wonky]

@Glottis

Disingenuous bullshit, and not what the OP said at all. No one is disputing Jasmine’s right to make her own relationship choices. The ire is directed at her reaction to the breaking of an agreement she didn’t actually make.

Neither of them made an agreement. They are both equally responsible for any misunderstanding.

[msmith537]

@Really_Not_All_That_Bright

10% of the population are douchebags/whores?

I’d say that number is way low.

@andros

Perhaps anyone who has an affair is by (msmith537’s) definition one or the other?

No, having an affair makes you a super-fantastic person.:rolleyes:
Really. Cheating on your SO sort of is the definition of being a douchebag or a whore. As in “I can’t believe that whore is cheating on me with that douchebag”.

@even sven

In any case, the OP is absolutely seething with misogyny. Jasmine has every right to have a preference in what kind of relationship she wants (as does Crosby) and both are free to find common ground or to move on to greener pastures. If you think Crosby shouldn’t have accepted her terms, then maybe the OPs ire is better focused on him. I don’t see anything wrong with Jasmine not entering a relationship that she doesn’t want to be in.

Calling out a woman for acting like a bitch isn’t misogyny.

In the OP’s example, Jasmine sounds like a psycho and Crosby sounds like a chump for putting up with it. But having a fight isn’t an excuse to go out, get drunk and cheat on your wife.
The whole problem with “cheating” is that the cheater basically gets to check out of the relationship without taking on the associated risks. That is to say, normally when you tell someone you are unhappy in the relationship and what to explore fucking other people, you run the very real risk that you won’t actually find someone better and the original person won’t take you back.

[spankthecrumpet]

@Anaamika

And it’s horrible to kick him out of the bed when you’re the one who’s pissed. I hate the image of men sleeping on the couch because the woman is pissed…when I’m pissed I sleep on the couch.

I love you so much

[even_sven]

I didn’t catch in the OP that they are married. I think that changes things significantly. In a dating relationship, the agreement is that the relationship can be dissolved at will by either party. If Jasmine didn’t actually mean to dissolve the relationship. Crosby certainly did and there isn’t much to be said.

But a in a marriage, I think you have an obligation to move towards a legal separation before you start banging other people. Marriage means that you intend to involve the other party in major decisions about the relationships, even if all you can really do is give them fair warning that it is done. Anyway, unless otherwise agreed upon, “I’m not going to run and have sex with the first stranger I meet whenever we have a fight” is a standard part of the marriage contract.

@msmith537

Calling out a woman for acting like a bitch isn’t misogyny.

Maybe, but the OP posed the question in terms of gender, and seems to have a bit of a chip on his shoulder.

[QUOTE=OP]
Do any men feel this way, or is it just women who think they can have their cake and eat it too
[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=OP]
Do women somehow have the right to kick men to the curb for some indefinite period…
[/QUOTE]

[rat_avatar]

If this were my friend in real life the real question would be why is he going back to an abusive relationship?

And I disagree, when you physically kick someone out of a shared residence it means you intend to dissolve the relationship.

[Nametag]

Never seen Parenthood, but I’m familiar with the Friends episode, and what I’ve always thought is “Break, my ass! Rachel dumped Ross.” When the woman of your dreams dumps you, you’re liable to do anything, and that should have been Ross’s defense, not the tepid “we were on a break” that he used in subsequent episodes.

[don_t_ask]

Under these circumstances I don’t think it is cheating to have sex with someone else, so long as, at the moment of orgasm, you call out your soon-to-be ex’s name.