Ya’ know I post this thread thinking sometimes you just can’t win for losing.
I was talking to a group of (mostly female) friends of mine. I was telling them about how one time, I had to turn down a very attractive girl’s advance for sex.
The reason being, is basically this girl was wasted. I don’t just mean drunk wasted, but she was doing XTC (?) at the time she was wanting to do it with yours truely.
I repeatedely turned her down because I didn’t feel, under the circumstances, she was making the best of judgement calls. This compounded by the fact I had only met the girl earlier that night!
*caveat: I’m usually pretty open when it comes to stuff like this. I’m not at all opposed to the “one night stand”. Normally, but this situation was different.
Anyway, the conversation turned sour (in a friendly kind of way) when I made the off hand remark that I thought it was waaay harder for a woman to get over mistaken sex than it is for a man.
My female friends basically told me I need to get over myself. My MALE friends have since revolked my man card.
Really folks, I thought for sure I was going to get some kind of metal for this!!
Apparently not.
So what say you? Is it harder for a woman or not?
(And yes I know I generalizing, but still, I’d like a consensus.)
Yeah, sorry, I’m having trouble associating the words “mistake” and 'sex" too. Though I think I get what you’re shooting at, I’d be the LAST person in the world to even attempt to ponder what it would be like to make a guess into wondering what the female mind thinks.
(Because you all are too mystrerious and thinky for me, a mere male)
But, on the occasions I’ve been hit on by a severely intoxicated woman, I’ve run like hell. For one thing, I find really drunk or wasted women to be a complete turn-off - if we’re going to do this, at least be here with me, right?
Second, man that is just asking for trouble - having sex with someone that might not remember “giving consent”.
You might get over it in your head, but if trouble arises, your career as an inmate might just be starting.
Yes. It is much harder for a woman. You see, I woman is only valuable if she is pure and chaste, otherwise she is a no good whore that should be held in contempt. If a woman seeks sex eagerly and because she enjoys it she is nothing but the town pump, whereas the “street cred” of a man only increases the more time he gets laid. Even in a case where he is wearing his beer-goggles, all is forgiven because men need to have orgasms the same way that they need to sneeze or pee. Hump 'em and dump 'em, man. </sarcasm>
I’ve never regretted sleeping with any man. I’ve always held very firmly to the belief that I have to right to sleep with or not sleep with whomever I choose (well, as long as he’s willing!). Now, looking back at the age of 37, would I necessarily make all those same choices now? Likely, no. But I’ve never slept with someone against my will or against my better judgement. And even if it was iffy, I take full responsibility for making that decision.
Cuz, boyfriend, I feel very confident in my ability to say no.
And if my ability to say no is compromised by being high or drunk, well the way I see it no one forced me to injest anything. As long as I have the say, then I take the responsibility.
Legally, you probably made the right decision. I’m not sure about Texas, but here in Colorado you cannot consent to sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. IMHO, its best to avoid advances from intoxicated people just to keep out of trouble with the law.
This depends on the woman. I have a good friend who has had many good times and doesn’t regret it. Personally, I have a couple of times that I regret, especially now that I’m engaged to be married. Its hard to shake off the disapproving voice going “slut” in the back of my head. This may be caused by my age (29), my upbringing, or just a personal quirk.
Men generally do not see picking partners as mistakes unless the partners are obsessive, possessive or abusive. Even then it is generally easier for a man to walk away from the consequences.
Women’s mistakes are more costly: risk of pregnancy, risk of abortion trauma, miscarriage, susceptibility to certain veneral diseases, damage to their reputation, damage to their self-esteem, having to give up plans if they choose to have children… if the mistakes are bad enough, we’re talking some level of social, physical and emotional damage. Plus let’s not get into the dangers poised by obsessed male stalkers, men who lie about their sexual history, or men who are possessive or abusive.
I think that the number of sex partners I’ve had is considered to be somewhat on the high side by many people, but the only sex I’ve ever regretted has been “bad” sex. (Yeah, I know: same oxymoron as “mistake” sex!) I’m talking about those one-night-stands with guys who seem like they’d know what they’re doing, and are even good kissers, but then are … well … just not that good. Or suddenly they get neurotic. Or insecure. To the point where the sex, even if good, almost isn’t worth it. (Almost!) But even in those cases, which thankfully have been few, I’ve never had any serious regrets or felt the need to “get over” anything.
When it comes to sex with someone I might not have slept with while sober (and/or might not remember the next day), I don’t see what there would be to “get over.” It was my poor judgement all along – if anything, I’d hope to learn and grow from the experience. I’ve only ever been that drunk once, though.
Every time I’ve been asked to go out (either on a date or to the car) by a drunk, my answer has been “please ask me again when Mr Beam isn’t here.”
There’s been several cases where said drunk would have received a yes IF he’d ever been able to work up the balls to ask while sober.
While I’m not too clear on what would be “mistake sex”, last I checked Spanish laws considered the kind of situation the OP describes as a (possible) case of rape. So yeah, it sounds mistaken to me. Just my own opinion and all, but I don’t know whether those guys who hit on me while drunk/drugged would have been perfectly happy to (attempt to) insert piece A in slot B, (possibly) puke on me and go to sleep, or would have felt bad about it later (ashamed and/or violated).
PS: yes, I know I use tons of (), it’s an attempt to abbreviate.
yeah, the mistake sex was times when hooked up and didnt know where i was the next morning (2-3 times in college). its one thing to hook up when you talk with the girl before hand and actually have some passion burning up inside. its another thing when it just becomes inserting piece a into piece b.
Jesus, I’m the wrong guy to ask about this. But I’ll answer anyway. Just to screw with the average.
I’m still beating myself up over a recent relationship in which I really liked the girl and we had lots of sex in a relatively brief period of time and it was good sex (not great, but good). Did I mention I really liked her and she me for quite some time.
But as I learned she turned out to be too emotionally fragile for me and I got an inclining about a few other things that we would just not be right for eachother in the long run and I called it off quite abruptly. Well, not mid coitus but abruptly none the less.
Yep, still feeling tremendously guilty over that one.
Is it just a myth that women’s bodies release some sort of hormones that cause emotional attachment to a partner who has given her an orgasm? It seemed to me that if it does happen, that would lead to a disconnect between the decision to just have a one-night stand and “not care”, and your body telling you to care.
Of the entirety of my partners, I’ve only felt emotionally attched to a handful, maybe three. And even if there is a biological imperative, we override biological imperatives all the time.
Well, okay, my most consistent orgasm-giving partner has been myself, so maybe there is some truth in what you speak…
Looking back, I certainly have made some poor decisions. But mistakes regarding purely physical encounters are nowhere near as haunting as those in which there was any sort of actual relationship involved. So depending on the situation, it may or may not be easy to get over.
Without fail, whenever I’ve heard a man accuse a woman of being emotional, it was because he was driving her crazy.
“Mistake” sex- like realising the guy is awful in bed or a complete asshole?
Meh, his problem, not mine. No biggie, move on.
“Mistake sex” sex- like when you realise your feelings for them or their feelings for you aren’t mutual- can be pretty awful, but again, you just deal with it and move on.
“Mistake” sex- as in “this guy is degrading me and lowering my self-esteem in a serious manner” or when you wake up and go “I did WHAT!?!”. Not so easy to get over.
I suspect men have less of the last type of sex than women, but again, it’s only a big deal if you let other people decide your worth.