What sexual mistakes or bad decisions have y’all made?
Did they ‘just happen’ or did you mull it over and go ahead with it anyway?
How much - if any- regret was there afterward?
Thanks. A friend suggested I try this board for some objective and (relatively) anonymous advice/information.
Um, don’t people who need advice generally explain what their situation/problem is first, rather than simply asking strangers to volunteer information about themselves? :dubious:
Welcome to the SDMB, anonandon. Give us as much of your story as you’d care to impart – then the folks here can offer advice or opinions as the case may be. I take it something’s happened which is worrying you?
thanks for the responses. My friend who suggested this site is from a bulletin board where most of us are friends and it’s hard to retain any anonomity there. I think that may be the case here too?
Anyway - I find myself incredibly attracted to someone very inappropriate. I’ve never felt an attraction like this, and I know it’s mutual.
I’m pretty conservative sexually (I don’t usually fool around outside the confines of a relationship, although former partners have called me wild). I haven’t even kissed anyone since August.
This person is in a LTR, and I don’t think I want to be That Person That Fools Around with Other People’s Partners. But when we look at each other, when we walk by, it’s electric.
And driving me crazy.
oh, i forgot to say I’m asking what others’ mistakes have been because I wonder if I go through with this, how much I’ll actually regret it. and if it is a bad decision. or something I should just do.
I can’t really ask any Real Life People since most of my circle knows this person.
Hoo boy! What a thread for me! Where shall I begin? :rolleyes:
I was making out with boys in seventh grade, boys who could drive so they had to be 16 at least. I thought this was how you got boys to like you, thanks to the wonderful relationship wisdom of my friend and self-acknowledged guru slut who I’ll call… Slut. Slut liked boys ever since I first met her (fourth grade) and perhaps even before then. She had me convinced that you do “things” with boys to get their attention. Well, hell yeah, you’ll get their attention if you’re sucking their face off and cough more. I never went beyond the make out stage at this point, being so young and scared but I still made out, sometimes in the back of cars. I wasn’t as bad as Slut was, that’s what I told myself anyway.
We lost touch for about a year because I went to a different school than she did. Through another seventh grade pal of mine, I got to experience a shoulder massage from her French step-father while said friend was in the shower. It was shoulder only but it might have gone farther if she hadn’t gotten out of the shower right then, he didn’t seem to mind my age or the fact that I did NOT know what exactly to do to make him stop. Saying no didn’t seem to help but I digress. Saved by the bell I was and I never spent another night at this girl’s house again.
In high school, freshman year, met up again with good ol’ Slut, who was dating a college guy (you “heard” me correctly) and she “did things” with him, major things. I wasn’t dating anyone at this point, had just ended a typical week long high school love affair/crush actually, and one afternoon, this guy of hers calls up while I’m doing homework over at her house. As she giggled and cooed over the phone, I did beginning Algebra and then she hands me the phone. Huh?
"Hey… ", said a male voice. Oh, it was “the boyfriend”. I said hi back and answered his questions, the last being this:
“So tell me… do you do what Slut does?”
“Ummm, yeah, I guess”, I mumbled blankly, thinking more about my Algebra homework than what he really meant. Well, he drove lickity-split over to “take us to the mall” as Slut described it. We piled into his two-door lil’ car (some Datsun thing) with me trapped in the beat seat and drove off. I was still in Algebra mode and was annoyed at this unannouced mall trip. We never made it to the mall. We made it to the empty field near my house for her to give him a BJ. For us to give him a BJ. Nice-looking as he was, this was her boyfriend, not mine and I was pissed when I realized why he had asked me what he’d asked. Well, he got his BJ but not by me. I was driven home, since it was so close and convenient, and didn’t talk to my pal for a month.
I made mistakes by having Slut as a friend, by listening to her lousy “advice” about guys. And in the situations I’ve posted so far, I never really took time out to think about what I was doing. I was young and had a stupid friend. My own boyfriend, when I finally met him later that year, was a gentleman for the most part and a virgin. We experienced sex together and we were together for 7 years. We were monogamous until I met a guy through work with whom I cheated on the boyfriend. I won’t defend my cheating, how can I? I was trying to end the first relationship but he wasn’t getting the hints. I cheated and was a huge, megabitch for doing it. I regret it, even if you think I don’t.
Dated the guy I cheated with for a year and got a big karmic kick in the ass from it (two very bad relationships from my cheat). This fellow I’ll call Seth and he was evil. Charming and evil, he cheated on me with one known girl, maybe more, for the entire year. Well, he fucked up my head enough for me to consider working in a Vegas brothel (my “I’m not giving in to Love ever again” phase) and having three one-night stands of which I won’t go into detail. One was a possible sugar daddy situation but fortunately, I pulled my head out of my ass and declined staying in such a weird affair. I was sort of using my head here. I thought it was better not to be in weird affair.
At this point, my male friend, who I will call #2 man, decided to tell me who loved me and into very bad relationship #2 I went. I was not using my head here, I needed comfort and that’s what I got, at first. He turned into Satan himself after a year and a half, and still I married the bastard. Before we got married, during one of our many splits… I slept with my ex (Seth) again to spite #2 man and ended up “owing” #2 man a threesome. His idea. I was stupid enough and emotionally bereft enough to go along with it, even choosing the female myself to be our partner. She was a tried and true lesbian and wouldn’t touch #2 man and he got mad. He dragged me out to a swinger’s club and we had our threesome with newly met woman. UGH! My brain wasn’t there at that point either!
In conclusion (you’re thinking, “Thank GOD!”, right?), I’d say I wasn’t thinking much of these situations through properly. I’ve made some bad decisions concerning sex, as you can see. Emotions can really mess with logic. Strong emotions coupled with fear of men and fear of rejection can put one in a world of shit sometimes. Sorry this post was super long. Hope this helps you out in some way.
Well, like the old saying goes…"It’s better to regret something you HAVE done than something you haven’t.
Just keep repeating that to yourself while you’re getting your ass kicked by the persons SO. 
[QUOTE=nitroglycerine]
It’s better to regret something you HAVE done than something you haven’t.
[QUOTE]
Wanna bet? In my line of work (physician for 20 years, physician in a maximum security prison for nearly 2 years now), I’d say people’s most painful and difficult to recover from regrets stem from the things they did, not the things they didn’t do.
If you want our advice, it would be better if you could better explain the situation. Why is this person innappropriate?
[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan]
[QUOTE=nitroglycerine]
It’s better to regret something you HAVE done than something you haven’t.
Haha…I realize that. Boy, do I realize that
See, though, I was just setting up the “Getting your ass kicked” punchline, which is usually the well deserved result of messing around with someone in a LTR.
Haha…I’ve been on both sides of that equation, having been the asskick-ee and the asskick-er. I’ll have to say though, I regreted getting my ass kicked by the jealous boyfriend less than kicking the ass of the guy who messed around with my ex. I shoulda just shook his hand and said thanks for giving me an excuse to leave!
The best advice I ever received: Treat others how you’d like to be treated.
If you were the SO of this person, would you want to be cheated on?
Do you want to carry the information around with you that you helped someone lie to his SO?
You call the person “inappropriate.” Without knowing in what manner this is the case, I can only assume that his being inappropriate would make things much worse.
I’d recommend just waiting it out. Let him court you, and if he likes you enough, he’ll end his L.T.R… Don’t just be some girl who gives him nookie on the side, you should value yourself more than that. Good luck.
Oh man, I could easily be the OP of this thread. In my life, I’ve had plenty to do with other women’s men, and let me tell you, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. I know it’s somewhat cliched, but if you help someone cheat on his girlfriend, what makes you think that he wouldn’t cheat on you?
It sounds as if you’re unsure whether to take this as a sign that you need to explore this opportunity. There’ll be a lot of people you’ll feel “electric” with, and some of them will be appropriate targets for your affections, others will simply be unobtainable fruits. There’s no need to get shocked because you touched the wrong two wires together. Look for the clearly marked ones.
Most people view LTRs as monagomous. Unless this person is in an “open” relationship it’s probably best to give it a pass, even if they start something. If they want this, they’ll get out of their other relationship first. If they need your help to end it by sleeping with you, they have no idea of how to maturely treat a relationship.
Thanks for your replies.
I’m not interested in a relationship, I just want to shag this person. The person is totally inappropriate because of an LTR (and because we work together in a very family-oriented business). Our sisters are friends.
actually, no. I’m 32 and not very interested in the opposite sex (or my own sex for that matter) I’ve never felt just a sexual attraction like this. I’ve had very few partners and they were all in the confines of a serious relationship.
and truth be told, I would for one like to be a very sexual, devil-may-care, NAUGHTY person. Just once. But oh, that conscious of mine, how it weighs on me.
If you really wanted to have sex with my SO I would like you to tell me about it so that we can all sit down and discuss it together. Unfortunately I’m an amazingly open, tolerant, intelligent guy and you won’t find many like me. 
Still, that’s still my advice. Lies are always bad, Truth is always good.
OT I just noticed that Truth is singular but Lies are plural.
Sexual electricity is no guarantee of anything. I felt it overwhelmingly with a girl I’d recently met but the sex was pretty blah and I turned out to be gay anyway :rolleyes: .
Being “normal” and wanting to give in to your “wild” side is pretty normal but it generally doesn’t result in anything spectacular and is often the biggest mistake you’ll make because you aren’t set up to be a wild child. WCs are like that because of their life/genes, not because of a conscious decision to be different.
The guilty conscience can last a lifetime. The damage done to the other relationship may tear it apart. Are you really ready to be the person who would risk those consequences just to shag someone?
You are in the process of building your character. Decide who you are.
I fooled around with a married woman once. She was a co-worker, and very attractive, and very troubled. I found that out later.
We had developed a friendship and flirted a bit. I felt OK about it. Then we ended up kissing one night. We didn’t sleep together that night, but we knew it was coming. I didn’t think I would have a problem with it. Hell, I wasn’t married…
We had sex a couple of days later.
The guilt didn’t set in for a couple of days. But set in it did. I decided that I simply couldn’t be that person and broke it off with her. Then I found out how troubled she was. But that’s another story.
Hmmmm… my biggest sexual mistakes were: 1) letting the ex who’d left our triad back into my life five years later; and 2) not realizing that the statement “I’ve lied to every other woman I’ve been involved with” does not end with a period.
Notes:
Be that as it may, Peabrain was needy, and I still loved him, so I opened my heart – and legs – to him again. My then-partner (aside: The Good Ex and I were together for nineteen years, seven with Peabrain) didn’t think it was a wise idea, but didn’t veto it. It took me another four years to realize that it was a serious mistake, and three more to get Peabrain out of my life completely.
Now that I’ve confessed my big mistakes, my thought is “Don’t do it.” Electricity is lovely, but there’s no orgasm worth screwing up multiple relationships for. And from what you’ve written (if I’m reading you aright), this could affect job, social life, his long-term relationship…
Despite the temptation, resist. Go for elaborate masturbation fantasies and daydreams.
Am I the only one who isn’t assuming our horny friend is a woman? Am I the only one assuming eir a male person? I guess it’s neither here nor there.
I have been on both sides of the stick ( no pun intended.) I have been cheated on, lied to; cheated on and lied. I have given in to base desires even when I knew better and also looked back on those times when I could have and regretted not doing it.
Probably the worst thing I’ve done was to sleep with a married woman. I had even avoided the woman in the past and furthermore, I left the first night she asked me to come over. In a way it was worth it, we dated after that for a long time and had good relationship. The main reason we broke up was because I worried that she was going to cheat on me. I also felt that she had only started seeing me as a way to break up her marriage. That plan worked! He caught us in flagrante delicto behind a bar in the front seat of my car. He later said if he would have had a gun he would have killed us both. You’re probably not thinking about that, but I have ever since.