I have a fuck buddy. A male friend that I would never date but do have sex with.
The reasons I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with him? Well, he is ten years younger than me (he’s 21 and I’m 31),he can be very immature,and he’s just not the man I want to be with right now.
[sub]As if you don’t know who that is,hehehehe. Yes, SP knows all about this guy. He knows all about SP[/sub]
Yesterday he tells me that he broke up with his gf because “they’re not on the sme wavelength.”
Today he emails me because I didn’t stop at his cube to say hi when I came in. I had gotten in to a boatload of projects, plus I had to call SP so it completely slipped my mind. He says he’ll forgive me IF I go to lunch with him. I figure, why not?
We go to lunch. He insists on paying. As we eat, he asks me if I want to watch Smackdown with him Thursday night. I say sure and ask who else is coming. Turns out just me.
Then he looks me in the eye and says…
“hardygrrl, you know I really like you, right?”
I did not know how to respond. I like him, don’t get me wrong. He’s a hottie,he’s funny and he’s sweet but…
I don’t want to date him. I’m perfectly happy with how things are. I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to ruin our friendship but…
What do I do?
Not a bad person. Fuck buddy situations can remain just that.
However, in my experience they have a very high chance of at least one person involved trying to escalate the relationship. My wife and I were, at one point something very close to fuck buddies (just so you know I have some understanding).
What you probably need to do is remind the FB of the nature of the relationship. Politely explain that you aren’t interested in anything else, and then never, ever have sex with him again. Even if he decides he is happy with the Fuck Buddy status.
This fuck buddy relationship is over, I’d try to make a clean break.
One other thing, SP knows about FB, FB knows about SP. Did FB’s GF know about you.
You’re happy with how things are. He’s not. “How things are” is no longer how things are. “Ruining” friendship is no longer an issue–it’s ruined. It will be very tempting to sweep that under the mind’s rug, but it will remain.
End it cleanly and fast, because even if he backs down and says, yeah he’s okay with what it is now (a likely thing), it’ll end later, and it’ll be very unlikely to end clean. It’s very slimly possible that the fuckbuddy status can end, while the friendship remains intact if changed. I wouldn’t place any bets on that, though.
What the other two guys have just said. He has already taken it beyond the FB level and brought emotions into play. At this point you are only making him play with fire. To continue the arrangement, taking your personal feelings into account, would burn him eventually. More so the further it goes, and that, IMO, would be what turns you from realistic to a bad person. End it now, continue being friends and find a new FB.
My advice is to look him right in the eyes and tell him that you want to keep fucking him, but that you’re not interested in a long term relationship. If he’s anything like I was at that age he’ll think about it for a few seconds and then offer a time and place for the next rendezvous.
My sig says who SP is.
This sucks. I don’t want to hurt him or end our friendship.
This is going to be tricky.
And they say women are complicated? sheesh…
I’ll try to keep the judgmentality to a minimum, but you should have made sure his girlfriend knew. Odds are you are the cause of their wavelength dissonance. Plus, if she was also having sex with FB then she has every right to know what germs may be coming her way (I’m not saying you have germs). Ok, judgment ended.
It’s not tricky, though. If he is a good friend, the friendship will survive the cessation of sex. If it didn’t then sex was the center of the friendship. Either way, bluntness is the only way to handle it well.
(In all of this, I’m assuming that he knew from the beginning that he was just a fuck buddy; if you weren’t clear from the beginning, then yes it is complex.)
Sex is an intimate act. It’s not possible to be physically closer to someone, and the human animal (this will look familiar to you, I think) needs touch. There’s nothing complicated in that complicating emotions will often rise up around it, very often in spite of any sort of intellectual will that they not. It’s simply part of the risk any such FB arrangement carries with it–both parties can agree explicitly before anything begins that it’s all it will ever be, but that doesn’t matter much, it’s still a possibility.
Worrying about hurting someone and thus trying to soften things for them will often cause more hurt in the longer run than otherwise. So be fully honest, be blunt, and be firm–and let things happen as they must. The survivability of the friendship rests almost entirely in his court after that, and there isn’t anything honest in the world to do to sway that one way or the other.
I’m sure i’ll get flamed for this, but well you asked. You are screwing a guy who you know has a girlfriend while suposedly being in love with someone else, this would put you square in the bad person department in my book. I wouldn’t worry though, bad persons are usually alot more interesting.
Your realistic, I went through the same thing your going through. Even having a younger FB and this was while she was in her Senior year of high school (she was 16-18, I was 17-19), so she would try to play mind games or make me jealous eventually she realized how I felt, but she didn’t give up. The friendship has survived and we sometimes accidentally have sex, although she now understand that it won’t go past that.
Just play it out, is all I can tell you. But definitely be honest with him, and seeing that you were friends first he should be able to handle the straight truth, and appreciate your honesty.
If not it will be his problem to deal with. (You did tell him that he was just your toy, before you started messing around with him right?)
If not you’ll need to step lightly, because his emotions will be like a mine field.
Stinky Paws is my nickname for a very special Doper. He knows who he is.
Guess I’ll just bite the bullet tomorrow and tell him that things aren’t going any further between us. I hope that I don’t hurt him and that we can still be friends. Hopefully that possible…
I can’t find where anyone suggested otherwise. The “young guy” in question doesn’t really have a choice, now does he? He can either accept the arrangements, or find his fun elsewhere. It’s a no-brainer at any age.
Emotions, feelings, blah, blah, blah…who brought all that into the discussion? This was a perfectly good meaningless sex thread when it started. Wasn’t it? Or, am I just being shallow?
Perhaps there is more to the age vs. maturity argument afterall.
I forgot to add that I made it very clear that it was only a sex thing. theendisnear
Let me explain something. First off, for reasons I will not go into now, SP and I can’t be together at the moment. I have my physical needs. SP is cool with it. He knows me, he knows how I feel about him and he’s fine with it. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have done it.
Nicklz
What exactly is accidental sex? Are wet floors involved?
Well ok, if you are both ok with it then there is nothing wrong with you having your fun somewhere else. I still think its messed up going after a guy with a relationship, specially when all you want is sex.
I didn’t go after him. He approached me and we decided to be FB’s. This was before his former gf came along.
We were friends first. That’s how it usually works, IMO.
Yes, but relying on you to protect her health is a decision she should make, not you and FB. Besides, I was conceived through the insurmountable barrier of a condom, accidents happen.
Again, I’m not being judgmental about the relationship. I have no problem with sex as a purely recreational activity. But I do feel strongly that everybody in the sex chain has a right to know about everybody else.
(This has caused some consternation, though, when I tell a married woman that I would be happy to have sex with her, but she’ll have to tell her husband.)
