So… you have a serious boyfriend that you care about (presumably love?) but you cant be with at the moment… but also because you have “needs” you HAVE to sleep with another man that you have NO serious feelings for, just as a fuck buddy… a tide me over. Now Mr. Fuck Buddy has fallen for you. WOW… surprise surprise, who would have thunk it?
If I were the boyfriend, I would say “FUCK YOU WHORE, if you can’t stand to have me and NO sex at the moment because of situations, you dont DESERVE me you fucking SLUT”. But thats just me, I don’t know “his” side and I wouldn’t knowingly be in a situation like that. YMMV.
You know what hardygrrl? I really need to apologize for that. I dont know your situation and what your going through. I was too crass to pass judgement. The fact of the matter is that I am having my own troubles with the opposite sex tonight and not in a happy sort of mind. I saw a way to burst out my feelings and took it. I honestly have no judgement toward you the way I said. Not that it matters to you I’m sure. However, I do appologize.
Having been the FB that wants to get serious, I can vouch for the “blunt but honest” working quite well. My best friend and I fell for each other in that lusty sort of way…it wore off, in his case. It didn’t, in mine. He broke it to me what seemed like rudely at the time, but ya know, after about 24 hours of being in a snit, I got over it. We’re still best friends. Course, since he’s still adorable, brilliant, and absolutely cuddly, I still have a major thing for him. I’m just too proud to sleep with him anymore.
Yeah, that sounds odd. But, I try to stay out of bed with someone in cases where it’ll cause major hangups, and the more I slept with him, the harder I fell for him. The reverse is not at all likely to happen, I’m not his type in that particular way. So…I’ll save my falling for someone, for someone else special.
Do your FB a favor. Be blunt, honest, and remember that you’re being fair to both of you. If he spends a week or two thinking that you’re all mean, he’ll get over it faster.
Thanks for the apology, Whammo. I would have made you apologise anyway.
Folks, try to refrain from judging the people involved too much. hardygrrl is not asking for an assessment of her relationship with, errr, Stinky Paws. She’s asking for a resolution to her problem with her, well, Copulation Friend.
I just want to repeat one of obfusciatrist’s points that seems to have gotton lost–you have to stop having sex with him now. If he feels something for you, he is almost certainly not going to stop feeling something for you as long as you continue to have sex with him, no matter how much he may want to or claim to. It’s simp;y not fair to him to string out his healing process because you want to get laid. However, it is going to be very tempting to do so, and all sorts of justifucations are going to occur to you–you will really want to believe him when he says “that’s ok then, we can go back to just fucking around when we’re bored.” But the right thing to do is to take the sex out of this relationship cleanly and immediately.
Thank you, Coldie. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
I wouldn’t have my FB if I thought for an instant SP objected. I am nothing but honest with him. Hell, he knows all my secrets and still hasn’t run away screaming. He’s a keeper.
I’ll talk to FB today if I have the chance. If not, Thursday. I have to tell him anyway before he expects me to come over to watch Smackdown at his place. pinnir
Ooh, that’s harsh. Excuse me, I have to go bust out crying now.
Did you miss my last post, plnnr? Don’t do that again, pal.
Goddammit, I’m telling you, folks: some days, you feel like you’re a fireman, and some idiot has filled the fire engine with kerosine instead of water.
If 2 people are ‘just freinds’ and having sex, at least one of them has some kind of feelings about it, even if they are lying to themselves about it. At least one is harboring some kind of unspoken expectation that it will become more than ‘just’ sex.
Here’s another one of those “I’ve been there” responses.
No matter what he says… do not continue a physical relationship with your Physical Relief Pitcher.
If he says he understands & can accept the fact that you aren’t interested in him in that way… DO NOT BELIEVE HIM.
He will come to resent you if you continue to sleep with him but remain immune to his charms. At 21, most men’s egos can’t accept that someone can resist them.
Don’t go to lunch. Email, Call, write and tell him it is now over, explain the reasons, and say good bye. Do not tell him you want to remain friends. 90% of guys hear that and automatically understand it to mean “Get out of my life, scumball.” Do not eat lunch with him.
FB came over to my cube while I was on the phone with SP.
He emailed me to ask who I was talking to. I told him.
He said " You looked really happy and calm talking to him. You really like him, don’t you?" I said yes.
Then I told him that as much fun as things had been, we had to stop. For his sake. I told him that even though we were great friends and the sex was good, I didn’t want to lead him on. That I wanted to be with SP.
Hey there…I mostly lurk here, but having been around this particular block a time or two, I couldn’t help but throw in my two cents…
Drastic’s response was right on the money. No matter how much we want to deny it, there’s a certain type of bonding that occurs when we involve ourselves in physical intimacy, and sooner or later, just having sex is not enough. I do think it’s possible to part on good terms. No need to be rude or too abrupt, but part you must, or risk unnecessary and painful complications.
Hmmm Coldfire, she did ask “does this make me a bad person”, wich is pretty much specifically asking to be judged. No reason to jump all over those who do happen to think what she is doing is very wrong.
