Fuck buddies: Yay or nay

From my last rant, I kinda broadened my opinion about sex and how people approach it in different ways;

Now, after hearing about how three of my friends and people around in my area seem to enjoy this ‘fuck buddy’ thing, I was wondering what my fellow Dopers thought about it? What are the pros and cons of such an experience?I have to admit its got me curious :smiley:

I don’t think you should ever have sex.


I’m all for fuck buddies.

Quiet or she’ll figure it out.

I don’t think you should either.

Sure, if you’ve got clear negotiated boundaries that you are in fact fuck buddies and neither of you are thinking it is more than it is.

When I was young and naive, there were several relationships where a good dose of communication would have made a huge difference.

I don’t want a fuck buddy, but I wouldn’t mind being one. That is, I wouldn’t have minded being one, about thirty years back.

I generally don’t think it’s a wise idea. Most of the time one person ends up wanting more from the relationship, and ends up feeling used.

I have to agree with LavenderViolet - most women I’ve been seriously attracted to I haven’t just wanted to f–K, I’ve wanted a real relationship. God help me, this sounds wussy, but I really think the prospect of just being really, really close emotionally to another human being is more attractive than lots of orgasms. Hell, if all I want is to get off, I’ve got tissues, opposable digits, and porno. (There, I’ve redeemed myself as a typical college male.)

Nicely put

I’ll fourth lavenderviolet and second Mr. Excellent.

It has never worked out for me. Twice I was with women who said that perhaps we shouldn’t actually have a “relationship” but it would be nice to continue to have sex. Both time the women then got very upset with me when I didn’t treat it like a relationship.

However, if you can make it work and both are willing, go for it.

Nay for me.

I just can’t do it. Nope, no way, nosiree.

I would NEVER do that. I for one know that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it if I didn’t have true feelings for the other person,and I’d feel used later on too. So nay for me.

Yep. Interestingly, when I did it, it was the male in the situation who ended up getting all mushy about what had been specifically discussed as being a temporary, non-romantic arrangement (I was leaving in a couple of weeks. As in never being near there again). From what I’ve gathered, that’s backward from what usually happens.

Either way, it’s more of a pain in the ass than it’s worth. I have a perfectly good vibrator that doesn’t start calling me up after I move and wanting to know why I never call it, after a long discussion about how I had no intentions of a long distance relationship, and him saying that was just fine.

I had a relationship of that nature many years ago. There’s no way I could have set out to find such a relationship - it just sort of fell into place and lasted a few years.

She is still a good friend, although I don’t see her much. She’s been married for over 20 years and I was a groomsman.

Sheesh, I don’t know what to tell you, pal. As I said, there’s no way I’d know how to seek that out. The salient point, noted by another above, is that we both had no illusions of romantic entanglement. OTOH, we were not strangers - we were already good friends and have remained so, although not in regular contact.

Seems the concensus here is that it doesn’t work for most people. Well, that’s quite possibly true, but certainly not true universally. As was said earlier, communication is key. Also, it’s erroneous to think that “fuck buddies” don’t care deeply about one another.

I had 2 such relationships in my past, both with good friends whom I admired, cared about, genuinely liked and enjoyed their company thoroughly. I found that they both treated me with more respect than most of the guys I “dated”! I loved those relationships because there were no strings, no games (!), no broken hearts (or potential ones) and no expectations. That does not equal “feeling used.”

Obviously, YMMV.

I have had a few work out, a few not. One that worked was a woman I had dated, but we didn’t click all that well and broke up after about three or four months. We hadn’t “clicked”, but the sex had been great. A year or two later, she e-mailed, asking if I was “free” for a weekend of her getting away. Every six months or so we’d meet up again, as long as noone was involved. We tolerated each other quite well for three days at a time. Maturity, clear expectations, and some more maturity are required.

Well I have had a few relationships like that but I always wish for more. Even if I don’t wish for more, I feel like I do. I think deep down I feel that if someone sleeps with me it should cause him to feel loyal and warm towards me and if he doesn’t, it feels like a huge rejection. And in the other direction, sleeping with someone makes me feel warm and tender towards him even if he doesn’t really deserve it and it’s not pleasant to feel the conflict between caring for someone in bed but not caring for him when I’m standing upright. So now I feel that if it isn’t appropriate for me to care about someone or if he’s not going to care about me, it’s going to turn unhappy if we try to be fuck buddies. One or two times is okay but ongoing fuck buddies doesn’t work for me.