I have asked this question twice, both the people I asked were friends. It was an automatic response to new information about someone I knew i.e. not “why aren’t you normal like me” but more “Oh, I didn’t know that about you. I would like to know more, since you are my friend, and it is nice to know things about my friends.”
Besides, I might have to feed them somtimes, and I’m good at omelets, so knowing when I can’t serve them is nice.
Wouldn’t say it’s rude but it can be irritating answering and what you answer isn’t enough and the person wants to draw you into some sort of a debate about the entire thing and you’re not in the mood, that is irritating. But generally asking, to me isn’t rude.
I use the same reasoning to justify NOT eating vegies. I really dislike them.
That defines “rude” pretty succinctly…
Yeah, but most vegetarians don’t consider that to be vegetarian. Makes about as much sense to them as calling omnivores “meato-vegetarians.” 
And as others said, most of the time the issue comes up during a meal, so do omnivores really want the lecture about inadequate USDA meat inspection resources, or the methods of animal slaughter, or the environmental damage that cattle raising does vs growing a crop? How male chicks are ground up and fed to the female chicks in egg “factories?”
Gleena, I think that’s fine to ask; might want to make sure that the wording is unmistakeably “I’m trying to cook things you can eat” but that strikes me as being very considerate. I even had a coworker who was lacto-vegetarian; she was Hindu and eggs were too close to “animal flesh” in her beliefs, but milk was fine. Assuming about diet is never a good idea!
My husband has a coworker who’s allergic to chicken - or maybe all poultry, I don’t recall - so at our last party, we had vegan, o/l-vegetarian, and non-poultry-meat food.
If it’s a genuine inquiry, I see no problem with it. If you just do it to ridicule, of course that’s bad form.
Sometimes the question is necessary to figure out what you can serve them. If they’re doing it because they are against taking life in any form, you’ll need to know that if you’re cooking for them.
Someone who eats animals is, by definition, not a vegetarian. Fish are not plants. Fish-eaters who call themselves vegetarians piss me off. “Pesco-vegetarian” is horseshit.
That’s pretty much why I eat a mostly vegetarian diet (I have started eating tuna occasionally but it’s much easier to just tell people I’m vegetarian than launch into a long explanation of exactly what I will eat). I don’t mind the question and I usually reply with just a brief explanation of how I’m unhappy with our current factory farming system and refuse to support it. Most people, even the most die hard meat eaters here in Texas, actually agree with my reasoning so I’m rarely led into a debate. BUt I think my mentioning it at least provides a small opportunity for people to think about where their food comes from (without me having to go into graphic detail).
I never thought to ask someone why they’re a vegetarian. Is that weird?
I only ask if they’re vegarian or vegan, so I know what kind of food is appropriate to offer.
~Tasha
I would never ask.
I also don’t ask if their haircolor is natural, their jewelery real, or their boobs are real.
It’s not like vegetarianism is a new phenomenon or you couldn’t find information about it if you wanted to. Why give someone the third degree about their diet?
I heartily and thoroughly second your feelings here, Otto. There is no such thing as a pesco-vegetarian. Either you eat animals’ bodies or you don’t. End of story.
Also, must note that there’s a difference between asking someone what they do and don’t eat and asking them WHY they eat it. WHY is what leads to awkward and unpleasant conversations. It’s very much akin to discussing religion or politics at the table-- it must be done politely and non-confrontationally or it’s going to get ugly.
Maybe so, but if you have to feed them, it can make a difference. I don’t care if they are like my friend, who describes herself as a mono-gluteus vegetarian (half-assed 
). Nevertheless, there are some that are this way and do describe themselves as such, and if they are coming over for dinner I can make fish and not feel as though I’m trying to subvert them. Which is RUDE, and MEAN. And something I don’t do.
Yes, exactly, but when I enquired in such a way (I’d made a veggie quiche, with, of course, eggs) the guy got a bit huffy in a “how dare you question my choices” kinda way. It was a bit of a unusual reaction, and I wasn’t sure if I’d crossed some sort of vegetarian boundry.
Look, I have at least three close friends who are veggos of some stripe, from vegan to ovo-lacto to my aforementioned mono-gluteus - who is, ironically, the hardest to feed because I don’t know what she is likely to eat at any given time. And I like to entertain, and I like my guests to be comfortable - to know, for example, that the oil I that I seared the veggies in is vegetable oil, not something else. And so sometimes, you gotta ask.
If they say pesco-vegetarian (that’s for the word Whynot, its going to be rude and mean and ugly for me to denouce them as not really being a veggo. It will, however, mean I can serve them fish, which is all I really wanted to know without getting snarked at.
I’m pretty solidly an omnivore, and don’t really care what you eat until I have to cook for you.
Cheers,
G
er…THANKS for the word…
Bah.
Cheers,
G
I have a friend who says she is a pescotarian. Is that okay with you?
I agree she is not vegetarian, but there does need to be a word for it since diet restrictions are often a matter of pragmatics. (e.g. no sausage on the pizza, but anchovies are fine)
My etiquette towards vegetarian is “if you don’t mess with me meatiness, I won’t mess with your fruitiness”. If they start proselytizing, it is war.
I can see how fish-eating non-vegetarians could defend their position both from a health perspective and a moral perspective (for wild-caught, that is) if what bothers them are farming techniques.
Now, if I am cooking and someone mentions being a vegetarian, they better be ready to answer a ton of questions (ditto for someone mentioning any form of allergy and/or intolerance). I can cook a great dinner under any dietary restriction but I will need to know in advance. Nothing ticks me like someone not eating when I cook.
I have never felt “on the spot” by the question “Why aren’t you drinking?” Probably because I usually have a drink in my hand, and people drinking at parties or in bars aren’t paying close enough attention to anyone else to notice exactly WHAT I am drinking!
Or I answer with one of several set lines-
“No thanks, I have to be home by Christmas!” - this one is only used between January and November!
“No thanks, I’ve had plenty!”
“I’ve got mine, thanks”
Or if it is appropriate, I simply say that I don’t drink alcohol because I’m an alcoholic. Stops many people in their tracks, actually! Then THEY get embarrassed, not me!
Pescotarian is OK. Just don’t call yourself a vegetarian. People who do that, “OH, I’m a vegetarian but I eat fish” thing muddy the waters horribly for those of us who are trying to get people to accept the idea that WE DON’T EAT ANIMALS. Period. When I say I’m a vegetarian and people ask, “Well, do you eat fish? How about chicken?” I want to kick those people who have made the word “vegetarian” ambiguous.
There are plenty, PLENTY of problems to have with commercial fishing. I will not go off on this, but no, IMO eating fish is not more moral than eating cows.
Asking questions about what a person likes to eat is not rude, if you’re trying to cook a meal to share. Asking them why they eat what they eat could be rude, depending.
[QUOTE=RubystreakI will not go off on this, but no, IMO eating fish is not more moral than eating cows. [/quote]
Lot harder to catch your own cow.
I liked Priceguy’s first post a lot. It seems to me there’s a rude way and a polite way to ask. People who are for health reasons usually say ‘for health reasons’ lest the world mistake them for one of those mad salad-eaters, anyway. If you’re genuinely curious, and friendly with the person, I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t ask. But if it’s essentially a passive way of demanding a confrontation on the subject of course it’s rude.
I don’t whine and moan and talk to people about my dietary restrictions in an effort to prosletyze. But I wouldn’t like follow up questions trying to debate with me about it when I explain it’s a religion thing. However, I have never received commentary, maybe because I am low-key about it and they aren’t as extensive.
Personally I think asking “why” is rude. “What kind?” or “how can I prepare something for you?” in the context of cooking for that person is different.
I’ve got a couple of friends who are vegetarian. I’ve never asked why. Don’t feel it’s my business (or, I don’t want to hear it).
Here’s a funny video one of my vegetarian friends has on her MySpace account. It addresses the sort of stupid questions vegetarians get asked repeatedly 