In this thread, about ways to avoid being asked why one does not drink alcohol, several vegetarians mentioned that they often are asked about their dietary decisions.
I’ve asked many vegetarians why they were vegetarians, and I never before realized that I might be rudely overstepping some line of etiquette. I don’t recall ever having a vegetarian take obvious offense at my question, either. Obviously, there are rude and insulting ways to ask such questions, but is the question itself rude or presumptuous? In the case of not drinking, I would not ask because I wouldn’t want to put an alcoholic on the spot. But the most common reasons for vegetarianism (religious, cultural, health, moral) are all interesting topics of discussion.
I don’t think it’s rude to ask, but it’s certainly rude to press the issue if the person seems unwilling to talk about it. And, of course, it’s all in the way it’s done:
“You mean you don’t eat meat, like, ever? How do you do that?! I just like meat way, way too much for that. Don’t you just smell a good slab of rare, bloody steak and get all hungry and stuff?” = Rude.
“Do you mind if I ask why you don’t eat meat? Is it for religious or health reasons, or just preference?” = Possibly not rude.
A friend of mine has been a vegetarian for many many years, and just gets tired of explaining. It’s not necessarily that the person in front of her is rude in asking, it’s just that she’s answering the question for the umpteenth time.
So now she says, “Well, it’s not that I’m an animal lover. I just really hate plants.”
:eek: Am I your friend?! Wait, I actually use A. Whitney Brown’s phrasing: “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
Typically I don’t really mind, but it does get a little tedious sometimes, and it also depends on the phrasing. Plus I can’t see that it really matters to anyone else why I’m a veg, you know? I’m not wielding red paint to throw on you, I’m not scowling at your food choices, and frankly, my reasoning isn’t gonna convert you or anything. I don’t know that I’ve persuaded anyone to go veg, though not actually talking about it much is certainly a factor.
I feel that too sometimes, but more often when someone asks me why I’m not planning on having a kid. Now and then it seems like some people are almost threatened by these differences from the status quo, especially if questions keep coming. (“What about milk?” “Well, animals don’t directly die making it, though there are other issues involved…” / “But aren’t those leather shoes?” “Yes, but they’re side products of the meat industry, plus it would be a waste to not wear them since I do have them and they’re old.” / “So why don’t you wear fur?” “How many mink burgers have you eaten?” etc. etc.) Especially since I don’t proselytize, so I wouldn’t turn questions back on an omnivore.
Based on your location, no. But you might be her sister.
And thank you for that. I don’t give a rip if people don’t eat meat, and indeed am quite accomodating to their tastes when they are guests in my home. In turn, I appreciate it when they do not stare meaningfully at my cheeseburger. I once worked with a woman who harped about this constantly. “Tiresome” doesn’t quite cover it.
Exactly. I’m okay with a friend asking, but I wish it wasn’t one of the first questions I get asked by every stranger I meet.
I just end up avoiding telling people that I’m vegetarian unless I must. I find it kind of like asking someone “Why are you Christian?” or “Why are you a Republican?” … a little intrusive for casual conversation.
Well, I’m axvegetarian at heart. I can understand the reasoning and resolution for healthful, ethical, and moral reasons, yet I don’t adhere. I’m too caught up in habit and the sensual. Frankly, I admire vegitarians and respect them in my missive. I think they are braver and of a caliber to emulate.
Doesn’t bother me when people ask. My wife is positively happy to have a chance to talk about it (she leans more toward proselytizing than I do).
Of course there are rude ways to go about it – “What the hell’s wrong with ya, boy?” wouldn’t win you any points with me, although it could be funny with the right delivery.
I was never bothered by it… provided the asker wasn’t offended by the answer and started bitching as if I’d started handing out judgements. I’m sorry, but the truth is that I didn’t eat meat because I had ethical reasons not to support the meat industry. If that makes you feel bad about eating meat, then maybe perhaps you shouldn’t. Furthermore, no matter what my answer was, it was never going to be “because I admire meat-eaters too much to even aspire to be one of you wonderful people” - it was always going to be something negative about meat-eating, and since your skin apparently has a one-molecule thickness, maybe you shouldn’t ask in the first place.
[sub]General “you” in the above, not specific anywhere.[/sub]
I am a vegetarian for moral reasons. When people ask me why I don’t eat meat during a meal, and they are eating meat, they are asking me to make a moral pronouncement that would seem to point the finger at them. I don’t want to do that-- I do not proselytize. Often, people ask this question because what they actually want is an opportunity to defend themselves from what they perceive as your morally superior judgement of them. This often manifests as them trying to debunk your vegetarianism with “provocative” questions and snide remarks. Aggravating.
Bottom line: I don’t want to argue about it. I don’t want you to feel accused of anything, and I don’t want to have to defend my beliefs from an onslaught of your questioning and trying to find flaws in my reasoning. As there are no guarantees of where the conversation will go, I often demur on answering this question. Too often, it’s loaded.
Is it ok to ask about ovo-lacto vs vegan vs some name I’m forgetting for vegetarians who eat fish? Particularly if I have a reason for asking? Or does this fall under the tiresome explanations thing?
(Yes, of course, there’s a backstory to this. I had a friend bringing her brother to dinner at my house who was described to me as being as a vegetarian, full stop. So I had some vegan friendly stuff set aside, but I asked him discreetly before dinner if he was ovo-lacto or vegan, and he got all huffy. Turned out he WAS ovo-lacto, which meant he could have some other stuff besides what I’d prepared for him…but, dude, WTF? I’m not accusing you of not being veggo enough…geez! That’s actually the tone of the response I got - like I was accusing him of something. And hey, maybe I phrased it badly. But geez!)
Probably not rude so much as incredibly redundant. Every vegetarian has probably heard that at least 500 times, depending on how long they have been a vegetarian. (I tinkered with the vegetarian thing for about a year, and got it at least that many times)
A vegetarian friend of mine says that at certain meal functions with family, it’s impossible to avoid the subject of his vegetarianism. He finds that frustrating, but I don’t know if it bleeds into rudeness in his estimation.
Well, that’s the thing. If I asked a meat-eater “Why do you eat meat?” it would be considered rude, pushy, or proselytizing, yet the converse is seen as ok.
I guess, for me, being in the Midwest, the tone of “Why are you a vegetarian?” is usually, though not always, along the same lines of tone as “Why haven’t you accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior?”
The name for a vegetarian who eats fish is “non-vegetarian.”
As I mentioned in the other thread, what I find tiresome about being asked is the constant “you are a freak because you don’t eat meat” incredulity that comes from most of those who ask. I’m not a militant about it; I don’t get up in people’s faces about wht they choose to eat. But when I get asked about being vegetarian I often end up being put on the defensive in the face of comments about how yummy flesh is and how foolish I am for not chowing down on it.
As said above I just get tired of explaining. There are enough vegetarians in the world that it shouldn’t be an oddity anymore. Surely you can guess why. I mean it’s either religious, ethical or health related, right? Do you really want to hear how I suddenly realised what I was eating at the age of 12?
I do love it when people challenge me about it:
You eat eggs and milk!
Your shoes are leather! (actually not-I buy from vegetarian-shoes.co.uk)
Plants were once alive! You are killing plants!
I’m not a better person because I don’t enjoy meat it’s just who I am.
