Even electronics can be a rough area. Someone asked me how much I paid for my digital camera, I told him I got a good deal and paid $xxx. Then he said he just bought the same one for a $100 more, and ended up returning it because he felt he got ripped off. All because I got an excellent deal. So that’s a peril of asking.
My watch did not have a negotiated price. The company that made it has a policy that actively discourages authorized dealers from offering any discount. Anyone who wants to find out what the price is can easily do it by going to an authorized dealer and asking.
But I still don’t think it’s polite to ask me how much I paid for my watch.
I think the line is not whether the purchase price is negotiable. I think that unless a person is buying a similar item (a house in the same neighbourhood, for example, or in the same city if he lives in a different city from his host), then the price of something is none of anyone’s business.
What difference does it make how much someone paid for something? Of what use is the information? I was a guest on a VC-10K once at an airshow. A rather vapid woman came aboard and was aking people how much the aircraft cost. What? She was going to buy one? The price of the aircraft was of no use to her, except to satisfy her curiosity. She gave the impression of being someone who “knew the price of everything, but the value of nothing”. (Not that I’m equating the OP to this woman – I’m just illustrating that the cost of a thing is irrelevant.)
In my family, we would never dream to ask anyone such a question. Not even the price of a candybar. You just plain don’t talk about any money matters at all. Period. If they wanted you to know they would tell you. If they don’t tell you, they don’t want you to know. Simple.
I am utterly flabbergasted at people who think otherwise.
I never realized people were so touchy about the price of a thing. I always looked at price as just another piece of information: It’s a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup, it comes in an orange package, it tastes like someone got their chocolate in my peanut butter, I bought it at 7-11, it cost me $0.95.
Earlier in the thread, I listed two examples of a situation where the cost of an item (or service) is discussed in a manner that seems socially acceptable. And it happens dozens of times a day:
*oceans_11: I just paid $2 a gallon for gas!
Friend: Really? It’s about 30 cents cheaper at…
oceans_11: Man, my scanner just crapped out on me, I need a new one, what’s something like yours cost?
Friend: My wireless service is crappy, I need a new provider.
oceans_11: Well, use AT&T
Friend: Are they good?
oceans_11: They’re OK, they don’t drop out on me too often
Friend: How much do you pay a month?*
I think it would be rude not to be helpful and answer:
oceans_11: That’s a very rude and intrusive question. It’s really not any of your business what I pay for my wireless service- if I wanted you to know, I would have volunteered the information. Let’s just say I get a good deal on it, but you’ll never know.
or
oceans_11: That question makes me uncomfortable, I’d rather not say
Of course, I could just say:
oceans_11: $39.99 a month for 600 weekday minutes and 3000 anytime, but I get a corporate discount from the company I work for.
And be helpful.
oceans_11: I think what it comes down to is “status” and “embarassment”.
Like it or not, we live in a stratified society. Not quite the caste system of the Victorian era, but a stratification nonetheless. If you ask a person how much the house cost, you may embarass the owner because he or she might then set himself up in a superior position to yours. (“His couse cost this much, and mine only cost [ithis* much. Rich bastard!”) Or he may be admitting to an inferior position. (“Ha! I knew I was better of than he! He couldn’t afford any more for this house!”) He may be embarassed by having more than you , or by having less than you. Whether these thoughts are even remotely present, the implication can be there. Asking the price of a person’s house is like asking how much money he has in the bank. He may have “too much” to “too little” and be embarrassed in either case, and it’s none of your business.
On the other hand, something like gasoline, internet service or cell phone service is legitimate information-sharing because you will buy gas or other services anyway, and casually. How much you pay for consumer items is not a reflection on your personal – and private – finances as a house is.
Well, I will admit there may be a difference between asking such a question for a legitimate purpose (e.g., you are looking to buy a similar house and want to know what the current market is like) and out of sheer nosiness.
In all the examples that oceans_11 the person asking the question had a legitimate reason for asking, and am flabbergasted that some people would find it rude.
Last night, however, I was talking to my father and mentioned that I had just made the hotel arrangements for my honeymoon. His first question was how much the hotel rooms cost. For some reason, it just bugged me that he had to ask, since I knew it wasn’t because he was planning on traveling to the same location. He was just being nosy.
So… I guess it’s OK to ask somebody how much they paid for a house as long as you qualify it first by saying something like, “We are thinking of buying a house in this area. Would you mind if I asked how much you paid for yours?”
Barry
I think I’m clear on that part- we’re trying to be sensitive of the “askee’s” feelings.
I think my response above was more to ftg’s post about not asking about the price of a candy bar.
But if you want to ask me what I paid, shoot! I won’t think less of anyone for asking!
Here are a couple of additional issues:
I don’t think I’d need to ask someone to find out how much their house cost. I have a pretty good feel for what things go for in different parts of the city I live in, and I can extrapolate this knowledge to other cities with some adjustments, so I can pretty much guess within probably $50,000 without having to ask. If people that you ask feel the same way about their ability to guess house prices as I do about mine, they may feel that you’re asking them how much their house costs for reasons other than to find out how much their house costs.
On the other hand, I really don’t feel that bad telling people how much my house costs because I work in a field where most of the people I hang out with (other lawyers) know about how much money I make (I’m a first-year at a large firm; my salary’s posted on the internet). Maybe since I know that they know how much money I make I don’t think that they are asking about the price of my house to use that to get at my salary (god what an ugly sentence, sorry).
I think the only time it’s reasonable to ask what someone paid for their house is if you yourself are planning to buy a house in the near future. Then you’re asking for information to help you in your upcoming purchase. Even then, I would preface the question with “I’ll understand if you’d rather not say, but I was wondering…” and explain that I was looking for a house myself.
In any other situation, I think it’s just another way of asking how much money they have, which is somewhere between awkward and impolite on my Rude Meter.
This really seems to vary - just last night a few of us got together for darts and an adult beverage or two, and the discussion got to real estate. One of the guys has a bid in on an home and waiting to hear (owner is dead - his estate is headed to probate) and he volunteered the asking, his first bid, and second. He asked me about tax write-offs on mortgage interest and property taxes, and another guy is handling the closing, should it come.
[sub]Gee, we’re getting old - instead of talking about women, we talk about this. [/sub]
So, oceans_11, how much did you pay for your house?
Wow, I have never, ever, encountered anyone with any problem telling me how much their house/car/insurance/computer costs. Maybe it bragging among younger people (all my friends are in their early 20s) but still. Maybe it’s a Canadian/american thing?
If people were so scared to tell others how much we make (for instance) maybe pay discrimination would go away faster? I know if the woman next to me (I work in a call center) made $3 / hour less than I did, I’d want to know why (if I was her of course).
It’s weird because in other forums (car and driver) there are posts of “how much did you pay” and “what percent of your income is devoted to your vehicle” and threads of that nature.
I kinda think (and I might get a little flamed about this) anyone too shy to tell me how much they paid for say, a candy bar (or a car), is a little too worried about their perceived worth.
Anyhow, car/insurance(which is negotiable BTW) /house/computer pricing is easily found online. If someone saved $500 buying their new car, kudos to them.
I usually don`t ask. What I will do is say, “what is the going rate for the average home in this neighborhood?”. At this point they can either offer up what they paid (reading through your question) or tell you what the rest of the homes are going for.
If you know what the average house goes for in the area you can get a good guess at what they paid.
[without batting an eye]We don’t own, we rent. And we pay $1000 a month, which is a great deal in this city. It’s a 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath townhouse, about 20 years old, with adequate construction. They’re currently on the market for about $370K.[/without batting an eye]
Maybe that’s why I feel it’s not so intrusive. We plan on being in the market in about a year or so, and any information I get would be helpful. Yes, I can pick up a real estate guide, do research online, speak with a real estate agent, etc., but sometimes the topic just comes up in conversation, as in lurkernomore’s post, and it that case, why not?
But I guess I should preface it with “We plan on buying a house in the near future, and if you don’t mind me asking”…
I don’t think it is rude to ask how much an appliance cost, like a computer, or a toaster, or a washer and dryer. A car I think is pushing it, esp. when you can find such infor on the web and IRL so easily. I think asking about a house/engagement ring/art/etc is very very rude, to the point where if someone asked me that I would have to consider why I am friends with them.
Rhum Runner, would you really be willing to give up a friendship with someone if they asked you how much you paid for your house/engagement ring/art?
With all the horrible, mean, nasty things that happen in the world daily, it seems rather harsh to reconsider a friendship over something as petty as the price of a house…
I said I would consider it, and I think I would. Just like if a friend all of a sudden called a black person on the street a nigger, I would have to re-evaluate what qualities I see in that person that make me want to be friends with them. I think asking about a house, or salary, or other similar things bespeaks a lack of discretion and, frankly, good manners that would cause me to consider, just consider, if that is the kind of person I want to be friends with. Especially if they pressed the point after being politely brushed off.
I should add there that I don’t think that being rude and being racist are the same thing, just that they are both the kind of sudden statements that might give one pause to rethink. That is all.
Fair enough.
Me- I’d just say, “Dude, you know I’m not going to answer that”, and leave it at that.
Asking someone the cost of their house is just not a good idea in my opinion…Some people will think it’s a cardinal sin - others will just think you’re a bit gauche. Of course, it depends on how well you know the person you’re asking, the context of the question, etc…but I wouldn’t do it. An old friend from high school was visiting me recently and asked how much I paid for my house. I have to say it really irked me. Plus, I was so dissapointed in him because I thought he had better manners than that…