Is it the time of year or... ? (long winded)

I’m sad. Well, sad wouldn’t cover everything I’m feeling but it’s a start. Is it the holidays? That’s one thing, sure. Why does it get worse every year? This terrible, welling feeling I have? Why does it feel like my soul is drowning? What is this ache that pierces everything I do, say, feel, think? Why is it that I can almost weep, why I can almost wring forth the tears that are just under the surface with a thought?

I must be just one of those types. One of those somber people, right? Melancholy… it’s just got to be the holidays. I’m a nut to even admit this here and who knows what flack I may receive for posting it. It’s not fun, not at all. Stressed, feeling very stressed right now. Angry. Angry at my mother and father. My mom is weak and has no willpower. I’d rather die than be like her so other than posting here, I won’t be telling anyone about all this. Not even my SO, though he tells me I can confide in him. What good would it do? I don’t want to complain.

My father is cold, distant… why did he have kids if he never wanted them? Just an odd thing to think about. Half my Christmas’ were spent traveling to see this cold, distant man, the other half staying put with mother and step-dad. I don’t like the holidays. Why do I feel lonely when I have friends, when I have a wonderful/loving/warm SO? Am I the only one who feels this way?

I should wrap this post up because it’s not really going anywhere. Took some pain meds and I guess that broke the wall a little, slipped through the crack a bit. I apologize for the weirdness…

Found out you were on Santa’s naughty list, didn’t ya?

No, you’ve got good company. Not winter blues for me, but life’s serving me a shit sandwich when I really want a PB&J with the crust cut off.

I’ve felt that way before, and it’s hell. You must be having such a tough time right now.

Congratulations for getting it off your chest – that usually helps in one way or another.

Hope you feel better (to the both of you)!

I’d suggest that you do what you want for Christmas… if you Dad is so cold, then personally I would want to give any excuse to not spend time with him.

As to the depression, do you think you may have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) - this can be helped with lightboxes etc… I don’t know too much about it but I know I defintely get a touch of it and it’s more pronounced during a certain time of the month.

What I’d say is treat yourself, do what makes you feel good and happy and cared for… relish the thought that you have a loving SO and spend time with them. Take the time to love yourself - I’ve had to do it and it does work (it’s difficult I know but it can be done).

I have a difficult time with the holidays as well. It takes me til about the 20th to get into it emotionally. I’m shopping, sending cards, and talking with my loved ones, but I’m still on the edge of tears all the time. I’m also exercising for the first time in my adult life, and (although this goes against everything I believe in) I’m starting to feel good! It actually helps a little!

Hang in there, appreciate the good things in your life (I know there must be some) and try to make a difference in someone else’s life. Happy, Happy!

Gee, pain meds cause me to weep as well, but then I weep some more because I am glad I can experience real feelings without the nagging little feeling in the back of my brain that I have to watch myself constantly.

As for the holidays, I don’t really have much emotional connection to a lot of holiday traditions or get-togethers, and I up till recently I resented people who tried to shove them in my face with such items as 24/7 x-mas music, talking snowmen that assault you when you walk past them at S-Mart, etc. But now I laugh in the knowledge that I am better than those putzes.

But there are two things that I get into in the holiday season (dont laugh at #1):

[ul]–A Swiss Colony/Hickory Farms Holiday Food Package. They are so colorful and tasty looking, especially under a tree!
–A well-done Midnight Mass
[/ul]

Same here. This month freaking blows. One damn thing after another. I crave a week in which nothing significant happens. I think that would make me the happiest man in the whole damn world…

Society, the media, our parents have all set us up to be disappointed.
When we were little, Santa was going to bring us anything/everything we asked for, but every year, at least for most of us he didn’t quite come through.
We waited for half our lives for Christmas, then it was here… and gone; over in a day. And still we wait.
As we got older, our vision of the Holidays, instead of becoming more realistic, became larger than life.
If it wasn’t perfect in the past, WE will make it perfect this year. We plan & work & spend & spend more. But, once again, its here and gone. Mom still finds fault with every little thing. Sis still has that selfish streak. Dad still doesn’t notice any of your hard work. And now we’re drowning in debt.
But as soon as Mr/ Miss Right shows up, Christmas will come into its own and be perfect.
Okay, If not for myself we’ll do it for the kids. We’ll show them how wonderful it will be, how perfect. We’ll show them how to write to Santa…

                                                                      And the beat goes on.

This post has no real point warning:

Thank you, Dopers. Knowing that others feel like I do, helps. It’s funny no matter how much some of us humans crave to be alone, we still need some sort of contact. I may not see you, the reader, in the flesh but you are there. It’s been a shit sandwich for me, too, and I’m rather tired of having it, truth be known. Can’t I get a break every once in a blue moon? I haven’t had one for a few years. Come on… jus’ a lil’ break.

I am lucky, yes, in a few ways. But the price paid for these very few ways has been high. Nothing without a price, I know it but damn… cut me some slack and let’s not have everything come in waves to drown me so much. Let me get a breath every few, ok?

My grandmother thinks I need to go to church… her church, a Mormon church. That’s fine and that’s the way her support comes wrapped in… praying Mormon style and having the Elders come over. Fine for her but I’m not Mormon. She prays for me and my angel, still fine with me.

I’ve been to a couple of churches, a mix of Christianity, and I cannot stand being lorded over with THEIR ideas and preachy attitudes so I don’t attend any church. I speak to God if He’s there silently and wherever I am, I need not step foot inside a man made building labeled holy for Him to know I need guidance or help. I had an angry relationship with Him for a long time, still not sure if there is a Him out there, in all honesty.

Christmas has gone astray from its true meaning though and I’m not really into consumerism, even though I do need soap, shampoo/conditioners, toothpaste, deodorant, make-up, clothes, things for my kiddo… but I don’t need every gadget created to have a good life. If I buy that George Foreman grill, will my life be better? Will it make me happy? No, and I understand that it won’t and so I only buy what I feel I need to be comfy. Some might call that “spoiled”.

In that way, yeah, I am spoiled. I NEED Pantene conditioner for my massively tangly hair! I NEED toothpaste so my teeth won’t rot out of my head and some folks will try to make one feel bad for buying such things but all I can say is, “Oh, well”, still gonna buy it. I don’t need the Igia Hot Eye-lash curler gizmo or the 60 or so other fantabulous Igia products they sell on TV, among the millions of other fantabulous items sold all over the freakin’ place. I consume but I don’t buy everything I see.

I’m meandering and wandering about in this thread, and I’m sorry. It must be Christmas… the Christmas that retail has created, the evil Christmas spending season. BUY BUY BUY or you’ll die die die. Go to HELL, advertisers!

I hear ya on the Pantene. That seems to work best to get the knots out of my curly hair.

Sorry to hear about your blues, Been there too. Actually still there now some. What may help you feel better is to find someone to help. Maybe a shut-in neighbor or Toys for Tots. Giving and helping others is a sure way to cure Chirstmas blues. You tend to stop focusing on your own plight and realize others are hurting and just maybe your problems are not as severe as you think. Plus giving is always better than receiving.

Hope you start feeling happier soon.